Seating Cards by Weddings/Bar Mitzvos

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    if anyone ever made a simcha, they know what goes on the last minute; where should this guy sit, where should this guy sit, does he know anyone at this table etc.

    maybe us in the CR should make our simchos “sit where you want” simchos. you sit next to people you know. this would alleviate the stress of making a simcha by tons.

    what’s your take on the matter?


    The Chasidim do it like that.


    it never bothered me this issue in any way!!!!!!


    For both my son’s bar mitzvahs, we had a “sit where you like” policy. No one complained. (And we’re not chassidic).

    The Wolf


    You put up tables for his and her families, tables for friends, tables for neighbors etc. and eliminate extra unnesessary stress.


    come to EY, that’s the way it’s done here


    How about get rid of some real stress and make more simpler weddings!!!

    NO Fancy Buffet, Sushi Bars, 12 piece bands, $10,000 on flowers, It’s all a waste of money Ask any chosson & kallah if 3 months after they are married if it actually made any difference to them, besides the difference to the shvers back account in the red.


    Rubbish stam2hack. Everything in life is like that- any nice car or expensive holiday won’t make a difference to you 3 months afterwards but it’s at the time that counts. Obviously it’s much nicer to have a nice Chasunah. But if you’re trying to hack that people shouldn’t spend so much I can think of other reasons- Ayin Hora, Showing off…


    Actually, I got married in a “cheap” hall. I did not feel that I needed anything more. I was more than happy that my parents did not have to spend a fortune (they were anyway). I wish everyone to have such a beautiful wedding as I did. I think it was the most enjoyable night of my life so far! I wish weddings could start being even cheaper. It is such a shame to blow so much money on a wedding.


    Seating cards all depend on the people making the simcha, the type of guests, the location etc. It really is all relative (no pun intended)

    In Israel even if you have seating cards – no one ever looks or bothers with them unless they can be used as a toothpick. Otherwise they are ignored. Elsewhere people anyway chop and change if they don’t like where they’ve been placed.

    So……my take on this is quite simply, if it makes you happy and you can bothered, then why not. If you can’t be bothered and it will cause hassle and or grief then don’t bother. Life is too short to worry about seating cards , believe me.


    May I express a different opinion?

    When there are no seating cards, people who don’t know many others at the simcha often feel uncomfortable. Imagine showing up slightly late to a simcha and going from table to table asking if a seat is available. Then imagine sitting at the table where everyone else are old friends, as the conversation flows around you about people and incidents you know nothing about.

    The advantage of the seating cards is that it gives the ba’al simcha the opportunity to make sure that all of the guests are put together with people who they have something in common with. For example, an outsider can be put at a table with someone who is particularly friendly and welcoming.


    On a tangent: why is it seating cards “by” weddings? Why not “at” weddings?


    dd – that’s JF02’s job. welcome to the enlish club, though! cuz you’re right.

    anon for this


    Are you asking why people say “by” instead of “at”? I believe it’s a yiddishism.


    I agree with dd. Better to be sitting with people you know. Especially if it is separate seating and you can’t sit with your spouse.


    I am totally in agreement with dd. I have gone to separate seating weddings where the only people I knew were the baalei simcha, my husband, and one other person. Oddly enough I was not seated with the one female whom I knew. It was a very uncomfortable experience, because after a perfunctory hello, nice to meet you, the ladies at my table conversed amongst themselves, and I could not really get in there. I was able to get a message to my husband, who was likewise being ignored (we are very friendly people, so it wasn’t that we didn’t make an effort), and we left the wedding right after the main dish. Truthfully, this situation would not have been any worse without arranged seating, but it certainly underscores how important attention to seating really is. You want everyone to be as comfortable as possible at your simcha.


    I have been to many weddings and it seems like people that know each other tend to gravitate to the same tables anyway. Why bother with place cards.


    Oomis0015 just remember you can have a seating plan and be allocted a table and still be plonked somewhere totally random.

    We have all been to simchas where we have sat on a table that made one think “How and why on earth was I put here?”

    If the table is that uncomfortable just squash in somewhere you are more comfortable no-one minds squashing, it’s all very acceptable.


    This is one reason I really love mixed seating now that I am married. I always have my husband there if I need him!

    I’ve been to some uncomfortable weddings where I didnt know anyone at my table. To me, it was a total waste of a night because it was my husband’s friend who was getting married and none of my husband’s friends who I knew had wives yet. After having a few stilted conversations with the women at my table, I went outside and called my friends to chat. We left after the main course also.


    “If the table is that uncomfortable just squash in somewhere you are more comfortable no-one minds squashing, it’s all very acceptable.”

    You miss the point. a) I did not know ANYONE else there and b) you are mistaken if you believe that no one minds squashing. Yes, they do. Very much! It is not acceptable to show such poor manners as to leave your table and make other people uncomfortable, just because you feel like it. I can see kids doing that (and they shouldn’t), but a mature adult does not play such games. On the other hand, if there are tables with empty seats and no one objects to someone joining them, as often happens, that is a different story. But that does not help when you know no one else at the simcha.


    IMHO, i think that there needs to be a seating arrangement. If someone comes late to a simcha, and there is no place next to people he knows, he shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable sitting at another table, pulling teeth to make conversation!!! And some shy people might feel uncomfortable sitting by a certain table… Also, it makes a person feel that the hosts of the simcha thought about him.

    But for the people who think that it’s easier to make no seating arrangements, go ahead. Remember, this is just my opinion!!!


    i feel bad for those who do this! it sounds like such a pain!!! by the weddings i go to its buffet!! soooo much easier!!!!


    Some simchas that I have gone to have made interesting arrangements. They had special tables listed as “family X” and family “Y” and several tables blank on each side. That way the rebetzins could sit near each other, planned, as they sat at the table marked “family” (they were told to) and all the family and friends from out of town were able to sit near each other without feeling weird.

    The problem with making seating arrangements is that there are only so many seats at a table, and it is weird to have half a table. Many times there are “mixed tables” of different groups. The guest feels weird that the host didnt think about them that highly that they arent seated with so and so…

    Shouldnt simchos be a time where we show ahavas chinam and try to befriend different people?

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