January 18, 2011 5:12 am at 5:12 am #594286
woohoo! first op ever! shehecheyanu!
ahem <clear throat> so what are the chances that second marriages work?January 18, 2011 6:20 am at 6:20 am #729517
what are the chances that second marriages work?
Not any better than the first. Probably worse, since you are usually marrying someone else who was divorced. (I’m not discussing widowers/widows.) Therefore, it is usually best to stick it out with your first marriage.January 18, 2011 6:35 am at 6:35 am #729518
My husband & I were both married previously, no children. We just celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary last week… 4 married children, and 4 grandchildren so far. B’H!, bli ayin hora.
2nd marriages work! 🙂January 18, 2011 6:36 am at 6:36 am #729519
Bed-Stuy– no offense, but that was an ignorant answer!! :/January 18, 2011 6:36 am at 6:36 am #729520
this question was meant regarding people that are already divorced/widowed. we already went through the whole divorce issue on some other threads.January 18, 2011 7:41 am at 7:41 am #729521
According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%January 18, 2011 7:42 am at 7:42 am #729522
Tischadshi Ms. Yenta.
Hey, why did s/he divorce the first time? If it was a wrongful alliance to a parent, why would it not happen again? Then again, people can and do improve. It all depends
If it was the other spouses fault, second marriage would work.
Congrats Always here. Keep it up!January 18, 2011 8:58 am at 8:58 am #729523
according to our life journal:
the success rate in America for our second marriage is 100%. B’HJanuary 18, 2011 11:50 am at 11:50 am #729524morah reynaMember
I know someone divorced looking to re-marry. If she would read this she’d be scared off forever.January 18, 2011 12:48 pm at 12:48 pm #729525mikehall12382Member
Bed-Stuy…people divorce for many many reasons. to stay married just to stay married is not always the best…January 18, 2011 1:18 pm at 1:18 pm #729526smartcookieMember
Second marriages work like first marriages. Some work, some don’t.
Good luck!January 18, 2011 2:04 pm at 2:04 pm #729527BEST IMAParticipant
Brooklyn Yenta Welcome! I know plenty of second marriages that are doing great. Its not easy especially if there are children involved but dont listen to the negative comments. You want to be more cautious before going into a second marriage but definately give it a go.January 18, 2011 3:50 pm at 3:50 pm #729528
The point is to avoid divorce in the first place. It is avoidable in the majority of cases.January 18, 2011 4:26 pm at 4:26 pm #729529
Not only is the divorce rate for second marriages significantly higher than first marriages, but parties are coming into it with previous baggage (and possibly children.)January 18, 2011 4:39 pm at 4:39 pm #729530s2021Member
So.. before a second marriage.. how do ppl know which divorced ppl r messed up (and therefore caused problems..created a reason for divorce..)and which r NORMAL? r there normal divorced men? coming out of a marriage and knowing there r nuts out there like my ex husband im a lil itty bit suspicious of divorced men… how would anyone know a divorced guy is normal/good/working on himself when he could just be lying his face off? how would i know?? ok someone please tell me how very wrong and paranoid i am….:)January 18, 2011 5:03 pm at 5:03 pm #729531Feif UnParticipant
intersaanteh: If those stats exclude widows/widowers, then the numbers are actually good. After all, 100% of people who get married a second time already were divorced once. So there’s a 40% decrease in their divorce rate!January 18, 2011 5:59 pm at 5:59 pm #729532
s2021: You have every reason to be suspicious. The numbers are not in your favor. Always find out what measures were taken to make the marriage work. Solution: Don’t get divorced unless you 1) MUST. 2) a rov and/or professional tell you you are doing all you can but it cant work because of him. They will be able to vouch for you being the normal one.January 18, 2011 6:06 pm at 6:06 pm #729533WolfishMusingsParticipant
My father and his wife are currently in their third marriage each. They have now been married for over 25 years… longer than any of their previous marriages and they are truly happy together.
Yes, my one example does not constitute statistical evidence, but it does show that even third marriages *can* work when the couple are right for each other.
The WolfJanuary 18, 2011 6:18 pm at 6:18 pm #729534
Wolf: I would add one more ingredient. They are committed to make it workJanuary 18, 2011 6:19 pm at 6:19 pm #729535
smartcookie gave a smart answer:
“Second marriages work like first marriages. Some work, some don’t.”January 18, 2011 6:28 pm at 6:28 pm #729536SJSinNYCMember
Second marriages generally come with more baggage (children, money issues, reason for the failure of the first marriage etc). In addition, there are those who just can’t really make marriage work (or refuse to do whats necessary) but don’t quite understand that.
Let me give an example of a 2nd marriage that ended in 6 weeks. They get married after a short dating time. She wants friendship cottage cheese, he wants to buy generic. Her kids want to come out to visit and get to know her husband. They only eat Rubashkin, which she wants to buy. He only wants to buy empire because its cheaper. This literally broke apart their marriage. (Granted, its indicative of other issues rather than the chicken or cottage cheese, but those were both major fights).January 18, 2011 6:29 pm at 6:29 pm #729537oomisParticipant
Bed-Stuy — SERIOUSLY?????????
Second marriages can work quite well (I am so happy for you, Always Here). I would suggest to divorced people contemplating a second marriage, to have some counseling individually and as a couple, prior to taking the big step, and try to understand what went wrong the first time around.January 18, 2011 6:43 pm at 6:43 pm #729538SacrilegeMember
I dont know the couple you are referring to but I wouldnt blame that on the “second marriage”, it sounds like that couple has I-S-S-U-E-S.January 18, 2011 6:45 pm at 6:45 pm #729539oomisParticipant
SJS, if what you wrote about is what broke up their marriage, they had a lot more to fix than what they were eating. Nobody should marry, even the first time, without discussing such mundane things. And how money is spent is NOT mundane.January 18, 2011 6:57 pm at 6:57 pm #729540mewhoParticipant
there are good stories and bad stories here jsut as in everything else. depends on the people etcJanuary 18, 2011 7:04 pm at 7:04 pm #729541SJSinNYCMember
Sac, they absolutely had issues. But certain things are harder in second marriages – money and children are two of them. If it had been a first marriage, probably both would have compromised in some way. And they wouldn’t have had to deal with the second issue because eventually it would be their children, not his or hers.
Oomis, I never would have thought to discuss my husband’s thoughts on generic vs name brand before marriage. We absolutely had money conversations, but not in those details. This was also a very short (and long distance) relationship, which further complicated everything.January 18, 2011 8:58 pm at 8:58 pm #729542
just wanted to see if i could start a thread that would get a reaction :-).
as for the topic, i do think a lot of you are right: some work, some don’t. there is extra baggage, but on the other hand, divorcees already know what marriage is supposed to be about, and hopefully come into it with a better understanding of themselves. additionally, i think that people should date for a long time to try to get to know each other a lot better before committing. is it a guarantee? absolutely not, but the more time you spend with the person, the harder it is for them to keep up a facade.January 19, 2011 1:04 am at 1:04 am #729543dvorakMember
It’s a fact that second marriages have a significantly higher failure rate than first marriages. That’s not to say they can’t work- both my parents are in happy second marriages- but they take MUCH more work, and remember, oftentimes, the first marriage ended because of a lack of effort. The spouses going for a second shot automatically have baggage, if there are kids, you have to deal with the tremendous pressure of trying to get along with them (and they won’t make it easy), there is crazy money pressure, especially where you have a husband who has to pay alimony/child support to an ex wife. The odds are stacked against the couple; they are faced with unbelievable pressure, and that’s why so many don’t make it. This is not to say don’t get remarried, just that you have to know what you’re getting into and be prepared to deal with it, and work much harder than you would in a first marriage.
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