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- This topic has 40 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 1 month ago by soulguy.
October 3, 2012 3:34 am at 3:34 am #605032
So lots of married couples like to talk about how when you are dating, you shouldn’t expect to “see stars” or to “be in love” or special things like that.
And lots of married couples have bad marriages.
??? ?? ????
(See also this post below http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/seeing-stars#post-456915)(added to OP at OP’s request)October 3, 2012 3:40 am at 3:40 am #946292
True love only comes once you are already married.October 3, 2012 3:56 am at 3:56 am #946293
Lots of couples see stars after marriage: she throws things at him, he sees stars.October 3, 2012 4:14 am at 4:14 am #946294WolfishMusingsParticipant
True love only comes once you are already married.
You know, I loved my wife before we married and I love her today.
Considering the fact that you don’t know my wife or myself and can’t possibly know about our feelings for each other over the years that we’ve been together, do you mind telling me how you know when I “truly” loved my wife and when I didn’t?
The WolfOctober 3, 2012 4:15 am at 4:15 am #946295
Shein: I have a Rashi in Kesuvos that seems to disagree with you.October 3, 2012 4:30 am at 4:30 am #946296
Sam2: Please quote the Rashi in context so we can determine how you may have misunderstood it.October 3, 2012 4:43 am at 4:43 am #946297
Shein: 7a (maybe 8a), where it discusses the Sheva Brachos. On the words, “Re’im Ha’ahuvim”, Rashi translates that as “Re’im Ha’ohavim Zeh Es Zeh”. Please, tell me how I misunderstood that. I don’t claim to have perfect P’shat in everything, but this one seems pretty clear (to me, at least).
(By the way, it’s idiotic when people say that a wedding should be the “happiest day of their lives”. It shouldn’t be at all. The couple should love each other more and be happier and happier together constantly after their marriage. But this Rashi clearly states that it’s assumed that there are already feelings of love under the Chuppah.)October 3, 2012 4:53 am at 4:53 am #946298
Now can you understand the difference between plain love and true love? (Then notice the terminology I employed.)October 3, 2012 4:57 am at 4:57 am #946299
Plain love and true love? What are you, an ad for a Disney movie? How about we let people who love each other determine what their love is. There’s no reason to judge or set rules about this for anything.October 3, 2012 8:31 am at 8:31 am #946300
I agree with Sam2, Wolfish and PBA – shein, your comments don’t make sense.
Indeed I can quote Wolfish and I am also quite sure of this: “You know, I loved my wife before we married and I love her today.”October 3, 2012 1:28 pm at 1:28 pm #946301
Love is very fleeting.October 3, 2012 2:38 pm at 2:38 pm #946302Oh Shreck!Participant
Aren’t you supposed to see the stars on sukkos?April 14, 2013 6:25 pm at 6:25 pm #946303HaLeiViParticipant
Popa is right. You are supposed to check with your local astronomer before committing.April 15, 2013 5:39 pm at 5:39 pm #946304
And to think I was all set to post the gripping tale of the time I helped Natalie Portman pick out a sefer in Eichlers. Oh well, some other time.April 15, 2013 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #946305
Right cause that happened. …April 15, 2013 9:11 pm at 9:11 pm #946306
Brony – I saw a famous actor once. My friend said he was. But I can’t remember the name though.
I would like to see Obama someday, and make the bracha on seeing a king.April 15, 2013 9:19 pm at 9:19 pm #946307soulguyMember
I actually saw a definition that love is appreciating anothers goodness,which should ring true for anyone,and to brony-your better than that,you dont have to bring your lustful fantasies to the public,may hashem guide you!April 15, 2013 11:24 pm at 11:24 pm #946308
^ lol wut. stay off the green bro, it isn’t 4:20 just yet.April 15, 2013 11:31 pm at 11:31 pm #946309
If you were to see Obama you say the bracha without Hashems name.April 16, 2013 12:10 am at 12:10 am #946310
nah w/ a bracha bro, dude has drones.April 16, 2013 12:37 pm at 12:37 pm #946311
WIY: I thought Rabbi Yosef said to say it.April 16, 2013 1:40 pm at 1:40 pm #946312HaLeiViParticipant
You’ll be able to say it when he changes term limits and makes a state of emergency.April 16, 2013 1:55 pm at 1:55 pm #946313
The Steipler, Satmar Rav (Reb Yoel) and Shu”t Beer Moshe pasken otherwise. If you are a sefardi and he is your posek you may follow him otherwise you should do as the Ashkenazi poskim pasken.April 16, 2013 1:56 pm at 1:56 pm #946314oomisParticipant
I do believe that people can “fall in love” and see stars before they get married. That’s part of the initial chemistry. Real, meaningful, deep and abiding love comes after two people have been married, live together, hopefully BE”H raise a family together, and seen the good and less good in each other and still want to be together. But we should not discount the initial feelings. They are more based on attraction, but that is what brings people together in the beginning. The real love is what keeps them together after that “honeymoon” phase wears off a bit.April 16, 2013 2:03 pm at 2:03 pm #946315
In fact, remembering the initial attraction and “stars” is what can get a marriage back on track many years later after a falling apart and bitterness and acrimony.
It is so powerful that Hashem references it as the moshol for how He will draw us back despite everything that has happened between us. ??? ????? ????? ?????? ???? ?? ??? ???? ????? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ???????April 16, 2013 2:06 pm at 2:06 pm #946316
Hmm. That was a really good point. I wish it wasn’t buried here in the middle of a thread. Maybe I should ask them to put it in my OP also. But that will mess up the elegance of the OP.
Maybe I should start 10 new threads with this as the OP.April 16, 2013 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #946317hahahahaMember
What’s going on here today?
the use of words are terribly inappropriate for a setting such as this! The crowd that is reading and responding to this is made up of single girls, boys, married ladies and men etc… How can you bring up an extremely volatile subject as this, in a mixed crowd of anonymous people?April 16, 2013 6:54 pm at 6:54 pm #946318playtimeMember
so why are you laughing?April 16, 2013 11:01 pm at 11:01 pm #946319
Popa, please define “a lot” and in your anecdotal observation, how much do the two sets of “seeing stars” and “happy marriage” intersect?April 16, 2013 11:05 pm at 11:05 pm #946320
Popa, please define “a lot” and in your anecdotal observation, how much do the two sets of “seeing stars” and “happy marriage” intersect?
Let “seeing stars” be x, and “happy marriages” by y.
y = x squaredApril 16, 2013 11:12 pm at 11:12 pm #946321OneOfManyParticipant
if anyone is having a problem with seeing stars I will be glad to call up Bugs Bunny and have him solve that problem for you ^_^April 16, 2013 11:17 pm at 11:17 pm #946322
Did you mean to reverse x and y? So that the (square) root of a “happy marriage” is “sees stars”?April 16, 2013 11:21 pm at 11:21 pm #946323
Again, I’m tayning that seeing stars makes happy marriage. So if X is 1, I want y to be 1, and if x is 2, then y is 4, and if x is 3, then y is 9.
So the curve will curve upward exponentially (in the mathematical sense). The more x, you get even more and more y.April 16, 2013 11:29 pm at 11:29 pm #946324
But your way, x is always greater than y. So the set of x’s, of people who see stars, is always greater than set y of happy marriages.
So the amount of people who see stars, exceeds the number of people who have happy marriages. So people who see stars don’t always have happy marriages.
Am I misunderstanding your equation?April 16, 2013 11:38 pm at 11:38 pm #946325
Yes, you are.
My curve is graphing the relationship between the extent to which you see stars, and how good your marriage is. Thus, if you are a 1 on the seeing stars axis, you will only be a 1 on the marriage happiness axis. (how do I make the negative work? it seems like negative stars would still make positive happiness in my graph).
You are correct that this is different from how my original post was posed, which was that seeing stars is a binary decision and then happy marriage correlates with seeing stars. If so, I need to make a new graph.
x is how much stars you are seeing.
y is happy marriage.
the definition of seeing stars is 100
y = x – 100 (I’m not making it exponential because I’m not math sophisticated enough)April 16, 2013 11:38 pm at 11:38 pm #946326speltMember
How does one know the difference between infatuation and love, when seeing stars?April 16, 2013 11:40 pm at 11:40 pm #946327
spelt: Who says they are different?April 16, 2013 11:45 pm at 11:45 pm #946328speltMember
If they are not different, you admit the idea of seeing stars is another way of referring to infatuation.April 16, 2013 11:52 pm at 11:52 pm #946329
Okay, that works.
By removing the exponential, you’re also taking care of the negative stars issue.April 16, 2013 11:52 pm at 11:52 pm #946330
If they are not different, you admit the idea of seeing stars is another way of referring to infatuation.
We don’t need to use the word “admit”; this is not a interrogation, and I’m not trying to hide anything from you. When we discuss something, we can use the word “concede”.
My response is that I’m not completely sure. I think that they are pretty much the same thing, but if you describe a behavior or feeling and I think that is not what I’m referring to, then I’ll say that.April 18, 2013 12:11 am at 12:11 am #946331soulguyMember
hey brony-i dont get the green and 4:20?
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