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I work in an office with some senior citizen ladies and they offer me unsolicited and unwanted advice and comments on my life just this morning i walked in and one of them said oh why are you wearing a short sleeve shirt its cool today, or sometimes they will chastise me for not going to my relatives for shabbos meals.
I am an adult i may not be married but i can function without your input they would never say these things to my married coworkers but if your single everyone is allowed to comment on your life and it is extremely annoying.
You are not my mother you have no right to comment on how i conduct my life just be quiet.
They don’t read the coffee room, so why are you posting this here? Even if they read it, they wouldn’t know who you are.
Older people tend to s(mother) everyone. It has nothing to do with being single or not.
Goq, this is a typical function of older people. They may have very little going on in theior own lives, or little control, or as I said, it is just a function of many people being elderly. Thank them politely for their input, and then do what you want. You cannot reason with some elderly people, just as you cannot reason with some children.
BTW, does it ever occur to any of us who gets unsolicited advice, that maybe the advice is actually GOOD and we can benefit from the experience of an elderly person? Yes, you are a grownup, but a parent or “parent surrogate” never outgrows the need to worry about the young’ns. And if they chastise you for not going to your relatives for meals – maybe you could re-think whether or not your relatives are missing your company and maybe a visit or two might be in order. Of course it is not their business, unless they are your relatives.
Never be short with them about their interference. At worst, just ignore their unwanted advice. Personally, I have found such advice to be invaluable at times. I am sure it can feel intrusive and none of their business, but it’s what old people do. If it gets to be beyond the bounds of all good taste, or they are abrasive with you, then politely thank them and change the subject or walk out of the room.
what about me i’m in my forties and they treat me like a child
You are 100 percent right! And it’s not just senior citizens who do it. Many married people who are younger than I treat me like a child.
Goqie – How can you expect them to treat you like an adult when you come to work dressed like that! And look at your desk! Do you need me to come in and fix it up for you? Have you been eating balanced meals? Maybe they would respect you more if you ate more vegetables. And stopped biting your nails.
(did I get a half a smile out of you?)
Oomis are you an older single? have you ever been one? then you may not know that this behaviour is unending and extremely intrusive i should treat them with respect? what about me i’m in my forties and they treat me like a child i have tried the polite route it gets me nowhere i dont need their advice or input i am not married but i am an adult they need to keep their opinions to themselves. “
Nope. I am an older married. I was zocheh to have a wonderful father-in-law who was 94 when he died. I also worked with elderly people. I know a LOT fof elderly people. They all do what you are describing. Your best bet is to change the subject and walk out, if you really feel you cannot tolerate their opinions. BECAUSE – when you are elderly G-d willing, you will probably do the same thing as they, to some younger 40-ish person. I never thought I would do what all my aunts and uncles did, but we all turn into those senior citizens eventually (BE”H), and we ALL end up annoying ther younger generation in the same way. Because we can.
You still ought to be respectful. There is no excuse for disrespecting the elderly. You have the option of excusing yourself and walking away or changing the subject. And no, it is NOT pleasant to be treated as a child.
Dear Well-Intentioned-But-Sometimes-Gets-Lost-In-Translation-Neighbor, Relative, Co-worker, *insert title*, kapusta,
Everyone is entitled to an opinion. You too. And the want to help someone is very commendable. However, should it happen to come up, please keep in mind that sometimes things come out differently than we mean them too.
Thank you.
Goq-
You’re an incredibly talented, good, sensitive, caring person. Your qualities aren’t dependent on your being married or not, and don’t think that you’re less of a person because of your marital status. That said, I can only hope that you will make a very special someone very lucky, very soon.
Wow, this is a tough situation.
My friend has this all the time at work. She is afraid to wear anything new or different, because of the slew of comments that would follow. I had to beg her to get a haircut!
You know what? You are your own person! Be strong and do your own thing man! Just smile when the commentary begins and show your self-confidence.
Have you ever told them that you don’t like it?
Once you do, if they persist, you can say “I don’t mean to be rude, but did you hear me say I don’t like when people do that?”
You can follow that with a compliment :you have the wisdom that years bring, and I appreciate your caring, but your advice is actually hurting me instead of helping me. I prefer to hear what I’m doing right, not what I’m doing wrong.”.
You could also say “I’m really good with asking for advice, but not so good with hearing advice. Let’s make a deal that when I need advice I’ll ask you, but otherwise you won’t offer it” then, if they start to break it, you can say “we made a deal…”.
Use their age/stage as a reference for their ability to understand you. Presume they’ve had experience with people who didn’t really like to get advice, and refer back to that.
They might need to turn their being older into a plus, instead of a minus in the workplace and the community, and they might be filling the role of older advisor to do that. This is an opportunity to let them know that at their stage they have value (but in a different way).
By the way
Sorry for the unsolicited advice 🙂
I totally get why you’re irked. You’re not a kid and you want to be recognized for your wisdom as well (and your not being).
Oomis respect is a two way street, btw i respect you oomis.”
Ditto, and thank you for saying so. Mommamia’s advice was very good.
BTW, it is not a crime to be single. But I echo Kapusta’s sentiments.
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