October 15, 2012 3:19 am at 3:19 am #605204
When does one believe sensitive information ( ie. adoption, geirus, B’t) be “handed over” to the other side . within the first couple of dates or before the preliminary shidduch is even finalized.October 15, 2012 4:41 am at 4:41 am #899689
At Sheva Brochos.October 15, 2012 5:13 am at 5:13 am #899690
#HF please talk to your rabbi. If you do not have one call a recognized adom gadol.
hatzlacha and mazalOctober 15, 2012 7:24 am at 7:24 am #899691
#HF I will add that if you wait till 7 brachos (as TLKY suggests) you might ruin your relationship. Even if you stay married, your spouse might never fully trust you for the REST of you life/marriage.
This question is halachik. I am glad to share along with the many others here, but you need to find out the halacha.
much bracha and hatzlachaOctober 15, 2012 12:33 pm at 12:33 pm #899692goldersgreenerParticipant
Mishpacha ran an article on this very recently. eiyin shom vedoik heitiv.October 15, 2012 1:33 pm at 1:33 pm #899693oot for lifeParticipant
bt is probably readily apparent, and i don’t think it should be considered something ‘sensitive’
speak to a Rabbi, most things come out either over the course of dating, engagement or marriage, so anything one chooses to hide will eventually be known. its just a matter of how damaging that information will be after x amount of time. The other side is how painful and damaging it is to hide information from the person you are supposed to be sharing your life withOctober 15, 2012 2:03 pm at 2:03 pm #899694The little I knowParticipant
If someone withheld such information from me. I would be offended and outraged. There is basis for debate about how early to divulge such information, but without any question, it must be before the closing of the shidduch is inevitable. It is occasional that the omitting of information is an act of aggression. In cases such as the issues listed here, it is clearly aggressive, and there is NO halachic permission to do so.
The entire notion of keeping secrets is antithetical to the concept of marriage. Husbands and wives may not keep secrets from each other. If they do, they are in violation of their relationship. That accounts for money matters, family matters, even issues pertaining to job and social relationships. Ask any therapist with experience working with cases of marital difficulties. The secrets are usually one of the biggest issues. To begin a shidduch with hiding information is getting started on the WRONG foot. That must be avoided completely.October 15, 2012 2:08 pm at 2:08 pm #899695miritchkaMember
It happened to 2 of my relatives (one that had an issue and one that was dating someone with an issue). Both parties opened up on the 4th or 5th date and both sets of shidduchim worked out. I only know one of the issues, and being that it is really really personal, and they did not want this going around, they didnt even tell the shadchan.October 15, 2012 3:17 pm at 3:17 pm #899696The little I knowParticipant
If the two sides can communicate with each other, telling the shadchan might be unnecessary. In fact, shadchanim are not bound by a code of ethics (that is often obvious), and are thus not subject to a requirement of keeping information confidential (though that should be the case). If information is sensitive, I would hope to convey it to the other side without broadcasting it to the world via the shadchan.October 15, 2012 3:27 pm at 3:27 pm #899697venahapoich HuMember
It isextremely important to know whether or not they are traumatised from removing their shoes during their childhood, also one must reveal their YWNscreen nameOctober 15, 2012 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm #899698
The reason i ask is .. Why should a possible shidduch be passed upon just because one of the parties is ffb . Is it unreasonable to wait til after the first date at least before letting the other side know .. And how does one know that the other side didnt already find out this information in the preliminary “research”October 15, 2012 11:32 pm at 11:32 pm #899699
AHH so the question is that one of your parents are a BT.
That is not the same as a major health issue. It is my impression that in many circles that is not an issue at all. In more heimish circles it is more of an issue.
It is fair to assume that anyone who is dating you knows about your background or, if they has wanted, could have found out with ease.
I would suggest mentioning it causally on the 4th or 5th date.
It is also worth talking over with a rabbinic figure.October 16, 2012 4:50 am at 4:50 am #899700
@ the voice of reason.. its alot deeper than that
but its with these types of things that its very difficult to read the situation and act accordinglyOctober 16, 2012 6:47 am at 6:47 am #899701
No one who thinks they are the voice of reason would tell you how to act without knowing the details.
try to find a well rounded wiseman who has a lot of common sense. and possibly a rabbi if it is an issue that ppl are hung up on.
HATZLACHAOctober 16, 2012 9:47 am at 9:47 am #899702danielaParticipant
Is it not quite self-evident that “Sheva Brachos” was a joke? I am starting to realize how the most absurd slander against haredim does not seem to get questioned.October 16, 2012 3:52 pm at 3:52 pm #899703NaysbergMember
There are things that a husband and wife should not tell each other. Yes, some things are better not shared.October 16, 2012 5:42 pm at 5:42 pm #899704
@ daniela what are you trying to say here?
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