Sephardi Shidduchim

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  • February 28, 2014 3:08 am at 3:08 am #612238
    CR10
    Member

    Why do shadchanim set up Sephardis with modern people or BTs when they are yeshivish and get mad at them for not accepting the shidduch? Why do they then turn around and say Sephardis are hard to deal with. Why does a class of frum students marry frum spouses except the Sephardi?

    Agreed some Sephardis are not yeshivish, but some are. Those who undertake a yeshivish way of life should be given yeshivish spouses.

    Is there a general feeling among Ashkenazim that Sephardim are not religious? I am trying to understand the reasoning behind this.

    February 28, 2014 4:15 am at 4:15 am #1006186
    SaysMe
    Member

    why are you grouping all shadchanim n all ashkenazim as narrow-minded based on what i’d guess was a bad experience you had?

    February 28, 2014 4:46 am at 4:46 am #1006187
    CR10
    Member

    Unfortunately this was not one experience, I was actually told at a Lakewood shidduch organization that they don’t even deal with Sephardim because they are different. Not sure how different we are.

    I specifically told her to find a Sephardi shidduch for my child to which she replied again that they don’t deal with Sephardim. I have had several experiences like this in the last six years.

    February 28, 2014 11:55 am at 11:55 am #1006188
    Softwords
    Participant

    CR10 – most Ashkenazim have no musag the mentality of Sefardim. Do you really want someone who doesn’t understand you and your mentality getting involved with a life effecting decision? What’s wrong with going to a Sefardi Shadchan? Odds are you’ll more likely get what you’re looking for.

    Most important, it’s not the Shadchan who will bring your children their zivugim, but rather Hashem Yitborach!

    “May Hashem bring you the boy/girl you are looking for for your child w/o the need of a Shadchan and may you rejoice in bringing them soon to their Chuppah!!!”

    February 28, 2014 3:20 pm at 3:20 pm #1006189
    SaysMe
    Member

    you say you are only looking for a sfardi for your child, so you do feel a difference between ashkenazim and sfardim. If you are sfardi and only looking for a sfardi, it’ll anyhow make things simpler to go to a shadchan who knows sfardiim, no? I dont think it is meant in an insulting way. If you would be open to an ashkenazi, the shadchan would likely have a different approach. There are a few sfardi-ashkenazi couples in my family, but for the sfardim who uphold sfardi traditions, it is a different culture in some ways so i do understand the differentiation, don’t you?

    February 28, 2014 5:18 pm at 5:18 pm #1006190
    CR10
    Member

    Softwords, our mentality is no different than yours. We are not traditionally Sephardi and are educated. Sephardi is just a label as is Ashkenazi. I deal with both Ashkenazi and Sephardi shadchanim. But the yeshivish world is run mainly by Ashkenazim and many do not accept that you really are yeshivish and so they have given us thousands of modern suggestions. (Thanks for the blessings.)

    SaysMe, we are not looking for specifically Sephardi or specifically Ashkenazi. The shadchan in the Lakewood organization said lots of Sephardim come here to marry Ashkenazim, but they don’t want you (yes, those were her exact words). So I said, give me a Sephardi suggestion to which she replied we don’t deal with Sephardim.

    I think that shadchanim should check a person’s frumkeit level before sending suggestions and not decide that because you are Sephardi,there is no way you can be as frum as I am. We are strictly frum, barely any outside influences, tznius, halacha followed entirely. My child has not been to any mixed gathering, not mixed schools or anywhere else. But we still get modern suggestions. My question is does my child have to become modern to marry just because we’re Sephardi?

    March 2, 2014 7:29 am at 7:29 am #1006191
    SaysMe
    Member

    then i agree with you and no your child does not, and that shadchan needs a lesson on onaas devorim and interpersonal mentchlichkeit. If the shadchanim ur approaching believe ur not yeshivish, ask ur neighbors n friends

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