October 28, 2010 6:40 pm at 6:40 pm #592809
When going away fro shabbos, we tend to bring a gift. Sometimes it’s food or a nice dish, my question is, what do you all think about when you frequently go to someone for meals. Do you need to bring something each time? as hosts and as guests I wanna hear opinions.October 28, 2010 6:43 pm at 6:43 pm #777180
As guests, we sometimes bring a gift before Shabbos and sometimes not. It depends on how close we are with the couple (the closer we are, the *less* likely we are to bring something), the occasion (if any), etc.
As a host, I never expect a gift. If they bring one, it’s appreciated.
The WolfOctober 28, 2010 6:44 pm at 6:44 pm #777181
If you go frequently i imagine one big one here or there is nice. We host someone very often and they just bought us some beautiful dishes- it was very nice and appreciated.October 28, 2010 6:46 pm at 6:46 pm #777182
Bringing food is always a safe bet. Flowers are a touchy subject, and no one needs another candy dish.
P.S. – If you’re coming to us for Shabbos, cherry nibs is your ticket in!October 28, 2010 6:49 pm at 6:49 pm #777183
Im from outta town, so im invited alot on shabbosim. The people we go to are already like our family, so sometimes some of them even ask us to make things, which in a way is annoying since when you go out you don’t want to cook, thats the point no? And the other times we offer to make things for the meal. When I don’t offer to bring anything I sometimes feel a lil guilty, like it’s not nice I didn’t bring anything. Growing up I lived next to a Baal T’shuva seminary for girls, adn we always had girls over for meals. Most of the girls never brought anything ( packaged of course), and my mother always told us I don’t expect anything from these girls, but if and when you kids go out to eat or to ppl for shabbos you should always bring something even if it is small. SO based on that I guess I should always do it, but when u eat by someone all the time, i mean every other week or so, do u always need to bring?October 28, 2010 6:58 pm at 6:58 pm #777184
I got nibs… is that an invite?October 28, 2010 6:59 pm at 6:59 pm #777185
Nibs are my fave!
Is this a CR shabbos party?October 28, 2010 7:02 pm at 7:02 pm #777186
BP totty- ” if i’m coming to you for shabb”? A.u didn’t invite me!
B. if you invited someone and lets say they came with a salad and a kugel, u would serve it?October 28, 2010 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #777187
Gifts are always apreciated! They are never excpected (I hope not at least!). However If going just for a meal it depends how close you are ie. family, However it also depends if you go weekly monthly or once in a yoivel!October 28, 2010 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #777188
It’s always nice to bring something. Here in LA, Tomchei Shabbos has a “service” whereby you make a donation to them in the your host’s honor and they send an acknowledgement e-mail to them.
I think this a wonderful way to say thanks to your host AND help people who are less fortunate. Like BP Totty said, who needs another candy dish???October 28, 2010 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #777189
If your bringing a food, I would *personally* bring a baked item like a pie or a cake, something that the host doesnt have to feel pressured to serve in middle of the meal.
Unless, you called up before hand and asked if you can help with the menu.October 28, 2010 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #777190
I sometimes feel uncomfortable when people bring gifts, its always appreciated but I don’t want them to feel obligated to do so, and I would like them to feel like they can drop by any time even if they weren’t officially invited. So I would prefer if they happened to bake something or if they made a particular salad that they love and wanted to share.
The best thing I think is a nice card or note to just say that you always enjoy being part of the family and having a good time with them. But that is me. I think you should do what the host appreciates the most. So there is always a bottle of wine to share, a desert, some candy, etc.October 28, 2010 7:22 pm at 7:22 pm #777191
That’s a beautiful idea. Wish they had that here. Who really needs another bottle of wine, candy dish….?October 28, 2010 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #777192
LA guy, WIY, Now that’s an Idea, shouls we post in on the invention thread?October 28, 2010 7:27 pm at 7:27 pm #777193
A frequent guest asked family members what the family would like as a gift and yes it was a dish but it was needed!
Another gift thats nice to get is a shabbos lamp.October 28, 2010 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #777194
so I used to make fancy desserts once, but once you go to ppl all teh time, its just weird to bring something each time, its 2 formal. SO now we usually don’t bring anything and every once in a while make a fancy cake or bring nosh. Another family that we go to we make them always salads and bring along the soda.October 28, 2010 7:40 pm at 7:40 pm #777195
blinky, if i bring them a shabbos lamp 3 times a month, they can open a store, make a good parnassah off of me, and there we go, im a money making guest!October 28, 2010 7:46 pm at 7:46 pm #777196
That is if you give them a gift often, but if its just here or there ONE time can be a lamp.October 28, 2010 7:52 pm at 7:52 pm #777197
Maybe you can dismantle the lamp and every time you go give them a piece. Like a puzzle! 😀October 28, 2010 7:53 pm at 7:53 pm #777198
nice arrangement of chocolates is always welcomed.October 28, 2010 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm #777199
That’s a great way to make sure they don’t invite you back!October 28, 2010 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm #777200
Nibs are for “arms-lenght” guests. You (and all CRs) are family!
You can bring single malt!
But seriously. Food that’s not store-bought may present a kashrus problem, if you’re going to someone that does not know you.
Candy (not the dish, the edible part) or nuts is always safe, and for as little as $3, you can give your hostess the opportunity to dust off the candy dish she already owns.October 28, 2010 8:10 pm at 8:10 pm #777201
LOL @ dismantling the lamp.
Around here, people usually bring wine. And hope the kids don’t whine.October 28, 2010 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #777202
We often have guests for shabbos. One who comes often never brings us anything. But he gave big checks to my kids when they got married. That’s fine with us. Another couple of guests always bring us a nut fruit chocolate platter. Plus gifts to my kids. I always bring something if I’m going to hosts outside my family. That depends who they are and how close. If I go alone, I bring wine. If with my wife, both wine for the husband and flowers to the wife. Everybody should do whatever they feel the hosting family would apprecaite. Use your seichel.October 28, 2010 8:13 pm at 8:13 pm #777203
We don’t get invited out much, so when we do, we make sure the entire host family is taken care of (so that the next time they are thinking of having guests, they think of us!).
I take care of a nice bottle of wine for the husband. My wife usually gets a gift certificate for a manicure for the balabusta and we usually bring some sort of candy platter for the kids.October 28, 2010 8:21 pm at 8:21 pm #777204
“You can bring single malt!”
Bourbon for me please.October 28, 2010 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm #777205
Sorry, Sac. Ladies get Starbucks or Godiva
(and no sneaking over to our side of the mechitza!)October 28, 2010 8:33 pm at 8:33 pm #777206
Once got high on that Starbucks stuff.
….Not sure if it was the 2 shpritzes of alcohol or all that caffeine.October 28, 2010 8:34 pm at 8:34 pm #777207
(and no sneaking over to our side of the mechitza!)
Hah for some reason when im by simchos its the MEN who sneak to the ladies side (ususally by the smorg…)October 28, 2010 8:40 pm at 8:40 pm #777208
With the new OU on it?October 28, 2010 8:50 pm at 8:50 pm #777209
Always a bottle of wine. If they get too many, there’s always Pesach.October 28, 2010 8:52 pm at 8:52 pm #777210
Were you serious about that bourbon comment?October 28, 2010 11:08 pm at 11:08 pm #777211
Are you asking me if I’m a lush? Unfortunately…. I’m not.
But that is the alcohol of choice in the Sacrilege home, no scotch for us.October 28, 2010 11:42 pm at 11:42 pm #777212
Bourbon is really the way to go. It brings a smile to the face of any host. And, it will assure you more invitations….October 28, 2010 11:57 pm at 11:57 pm #777213
But you can drink bourbon? Its not often one comes across a girl who can drink bourbon.October 29, 2010 12:12 am at 12:12 am #777214
lkwdfellow-If you are ever invited to a Canadian home, do NOT bring bourbon. We Canucks cannot stand the stuff. Here a nice bottle of rye (Crown Royal) or a single malt scotch is appreciated.October 29, 2010 12:52 am at 12:52 am #777215
A Woman Outside BrooklynParticipant
We like to bring wine, if the family doesn’t drink wine (amazing how many people make kiddush on grape juice!), they can always give it to someone else. If I’m in the mood, I’ll make cookies and put them in a nice dish.
There’s one of those places near me that makes up candy baskets. Those are nice in the $15 range, I just don’t feel comfortable when close friends bring gifts from there that are $40+. It’s totally unnecessary.
My husband’s drink is bourbon, so maybe we should be inviting lkwdfellow.October 29, 2010 1:39 am at 1:39 am #777216
We have some really close friend that comes to us often so each time she comes she doesn’t bring something (I mean if your married sister came and every time brought something, it’d be weird.) Sometime she makes dessert and brings it. But by Yontiff and stuff she brings over a platter. It’s a good, cheap, inexpensive gift that is really useful.
P.S. – If you’re coming to us for Shabbos, cherry nibs is your ticket in!
lol we had to make hostess gifts for my sisters school and we got nibs for them!!! I guess they’ll invite the girls again with them. 🙂October 29, 2010 2:29 am at 2:29 am #777217
“Bourbon is really the way to go. It brings a smile to the face of any host. And, it will assure you more invitations….”
Seriously?? Bartenura Moscato di Asti does it for me. Bourbon (or any straight liquor (as opposed to a nice liqueur)makes me vomit.October 29, 2010 2:43 am at 2:43 am #777218
I always ask the hostess what I can bring to make it easier for her, i.e: kugel, dessert, etc.October 29, 2010 12:15 pm at 12:15 pm #777219
A Woman Outside BrooklynParticipant
If guests ask what they can bring, I usually tell them dessert.
I have a huge accumulation of candy dishes people have brought me when they were staying over for Shabbos. The only time I ever really used them was when we made a L’Chaim.October 29, 2010 12:59 pm at 12:59 pm #777220
Actually, I dont drink at all.October 29, 2010 1:08 pm at 1:08 pm #777221
I’m not a bourbon fan, I like my scotch!
Moscato d’Asti is like soda with a little alcohol in it – good at times, but not my favorite. I’ve been enjoying some Rieslings lately.October 29, 2010 1:22 pm at 1:22 pm #777222
Bringing food is always a safe bet. Flowers are a touchy subject, and no one needs another candy dish.”
I say a bottle of Moscato is a safer bet. Everyone drinks wine (this one happens to be great), or if they don’t they can re-gift it to someone when they are invited out, or put it in a shalach manos to the machetonim. Food is a tricky item, because a) the hostess already cooked and b)there might be someone allergic in the family. We can never accept homemade food unless the guest checks with us on the ingredients, because a member of my family is highly allergic to sesame and other seeds, and presumed allergic to nuts, as well. So everything has to be checked and triple checked that it has no traces of those items. This is harde than one would think, as even equipment in a facility where nuts and seeds are processed can affect an item NOT made with those items. So check with your host.
A nice thing that someone did recently was to make a frozen dessert (first asked me if it was ok) in a lovely ceramic tart pan, and the pan and the dessert were a gift. After the first time, I would not want, much less expect someone to bring me a “hostess gift,” but the first time someone eats in my home, it is a nice thing for them to do, even a small token. I was brought up to do so. I have had people who never brought anything, other than their appetites, and I still invite them. Though it should not be expected, it is proper to show hakoras hatov in the form of a gift of some type even in a small way.October 29, 2010 1:28 pm at 1:28 pm #777223
I think it depends how often you go to the host. If like crdle said, you go all the time, I think it’s unnecessary (and a little over the top) to bring something EVERY time you go. If they’re close enough to you to ask you to make food for them, then I think you should be comfortable enough going sans gifts. We have a guest that comes almost every Shabbos, and never brings anything. I think in a way that bringing something would diminish their closeness with our family. That’s not to say that once in a while you can’t bring something, or that you don’t thank them, etc.
Also, to the people who said they like to bake for their hosts.. sometimes we have guests over who’s kashrus we don’t 100% trust, so then it becomes a little uncomfortable if they had baked something for us. We prefer a wine or some sort of food where the hechsher is obvious. That being said, we never expect or need a gift -we invite people because we enjoy having guests, not because we want to receive gifts.October 29, 2010 1:46 pm at 1:46 pm #777224
Alternatively, one can always bring a fruit platter. Hosts ( especially those on diets, or claiming to be on diets) seem to like it & it doesn’t have to be so expensive. Personally, I’d rather someone bring bourbon, but to each their own….October 29, 2010 2:01 pm at 2:01 pm #777225
The good thing about Bourbons is that you can get a good one cheap. Whereas, Scotches the cheap ones taste well, cheap.October 29, 2010 2:10 pm at 2:10 pm #777226
Sacrilege – I agree with you that the mailah of borbon is that you can get a great bottle for pretty cheap. But respectfully disagree with you on scotch – even the expensive ones taste terrible.October 29, 2010 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #777227
Although, some of the pricier bottles have a smoother finish (ie Basil Hayden)October 29, 2010 3:20 pm at 3:20 pm #777228
Sacrilege – I have bought basil’s on sale for about 33-34 dollars, which is still cheaper than any decent scotch. For a few dollars more, I highly reccomend Rowan’s Creek. If you don’t need the smoother finish – there are so many geshmake bottles – Maker’s Mark, Baker’s, Wild Turkey Rare Breed – to name a few…..
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