January 13, 2012 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #601622
Does anyone know how to keep shabbos in Middle America?
Will I have to marry my sister? Because she’s not here.
How does country l’cha baby go?
Should I cover my Connecticut plates? Should I put my car on blocks?
Is it ok if I drink scotch instead of moonshine?January 13, 2012 7:36 pm at 7:36 pm #1021841zahavasdadParticipant
Seriosuly Ive been in some of those places and there are no sidewalks AND the drivers speed.
You need to bench Gomel when you cross the street in these placesJanuary 13, 2012 7:47 pm at 7:47 pm #1021842
AND the drivers speed.
no, no. That was me.January 13, 2012 7:50 pm at 7:50 pm #1021843dvorakMember
I think what you’re describing is more Deep South than Middle America 🙂January 13, 2012 7:53 pm at 7:53 pm #1021844Sam2Participant
I think he means West Virginia. That belongs in the Deep South by culture anyway.January 13, 2012 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm #1021845
Chuck Norris can come to shul during leining and still make borchu.
Chuck Norris gets Kohen and Shlishi.
Chuck Norris can say the prayer for the medina even in Satmar.
Chuck Norris eats the herring and cholent at the kiddush at the same time.
Scotch has a shot of Chuck Norris after the gefilte fish.
Chuck Norris eats cholent friday night and his wife doesn’t notice.
Chuck Norris can eat shaleshudes even during the winter.
Chuck Norris sings Baruch Keil Elyon and doesn’t die of boredom.
Chuck Norris can say kiddush levana even when it is cloudy.
Chuck Norris does not miss vayechulu after shmone esrei of maariv.
Chuck Norris can get his CR posts approved even while it is still shabbos in America.
Will that be enough to tide me over, or do I need more?January 13, 2012 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm #1021846writersoulMember
Zahavasdad— you’re from Brooklyn, aren’t you?January 13, 2012 8:30 pm at 8:30 pm #1021847
Is Middle America like Middle Earth?January 13, 2012 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #1021848squeakParticipant
No, the short people aren’t hobbits and the grotesque ones aren’t orcs. Its just inbreeding.January 13, 2012 9:06 pm at 9:06 pm #1021849Derech HaMelechMember
…is not very good at following halacha.January 15, 2012 1:59 am at 1:59 am #1021850YW Moderator-42Moderator
Would you throw candies at Chuck Norris’s bar mitzvah?
Chuck Norris can be Sandek and Mohel at the same time – while taking pictures at his own bris.
Chuck Norris can lein while being the gabbai rishon and gabbai sheini.
Chuck Norris can sing a beautiful kedusha without taking forever.
Chuck Norris can daven at Chabad and still make zman krias shma.January 15, 2012 2:07 am at 2:07 am #1021851wanderingchanaParticipant
PBA doesn’t know the difference between Middle America and the Deep South, or any other region of the U.S. for that matter.January 15, 2012 2:40 am at 2:40 am #1021852wanderingchanaParticipant
Chuck Norris’ wife eats cholent Friday night and *Chuck Norris* doesn’t notice.January 15, 2012 3:34 am at 3:34 am #1021853
wow. what did I do to prompt that?
(FYI- I’ve been in over 30 states.)January 15, 2012 6:14 am at 6:14 am #1021854gubbishParticipant
Chuck Norris says tachanun on his left hand…even with tefillin on.
Chuck Norris can do Hagbah and Gelilah…with one hand
Chuck Norris throws candy at the kehila on his bar mitzvah
Chuck Norris davens at the latest minayn and does daf yomi
Chuck Norris wears a kippah srugah and a black hatJanuary 15, 2012 7:54 pm at 7:54 pm #1021855147Participant
I am much more interested to know how:- When to keep Shabbos in Japan? New Zealand? Hawaii?January 15, 2012 10:12 pm at 10:12 pm #1021856gubbishParticipant
oh tht reminds me,
Chuck Norris lives in Alaska, AND davens bizman.June 7, 2013 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #1021857
Bump. Back in middle america for shabbos.June 7, 2013 8:00 pm at 8:00 pm #1021858HaLeiViParticipant
Regards to Chuck.June 7, 2013 8:51 pm at 8:51 pm #1021859Torah613TorahParticipant
I like the Chuck Norris jokes.June 7, 2013 9:45 pm at 9:45 pm #1021860SecularFrummyMember
I’ve been in New Zealand for shabbos. Pretty cool knowing you are of the first people to experience a given shabbos.June 8, 2013 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #1021861Shopping613 🌠Participant
Very offending thread for people who actually grew up in middle of america!
DUH they hqve sidewalks, and no, we did not have a farmJune 9, 2013 3:03 am at 3:03 am #1021862rcParticipant
i;m curious to know what you consider “middle America”June 9, 2013 5:02 am at 5:02 am #1021863E-O-MParticipant
I’ve visited the Jewish communities of middle America. Plainly- They are not much different than the smaller town communities in the tri state… The difference is they may come off as more American in their demeanor despite being extremely devout/religious Orthodox Jews… The reasons could include the fact that they are 5th,6th generation or have lost count. They live surrounded by Christian Americans, far from the Jewish metropolises of the east and west coasts. Also, the moral fiber of their gentile neighbors is of a much higher standard as well, so there is seemingly no harm in adopting the American mannerisms to a certain degree.
Hats off to these communities who are serving HKBH in these remote areas- it’s much harder for them without the landau or the 17 kosher restaurants on one block. Some of them only have a small butcher/grocery store and that’s IT. One city i go to has NOTHING. Literally nothing. They make do with shipping food from the nearest community.
So to answer the question- I’m sure shabbos is very holy in these towns and probably freezing cold for about 75 percent of the year.June 9, 2013 5:50 am at 5:50 am #1021864🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
My son spent shabbos in Marshall, Indiana. That’s pretty middle america.June 9, 2013 12:07 pm at 12:07 pm #1021865lesschumrasParticipant
Just curious. Why is it OK to ridicule these people?June 9, 2013 6:05 pm at 6:05 pm #1021866gefenParticipant
lesschumras – IT’S NOT OK! Thanks for asking.
popa – Are you meeting midwesterner in starbucks again? Maybe we can all have a cr get together there. BTW – we’ve installed sidewalks since you’ve last been here. 😉June 9, 2013 7:36 pm at 7:36 pm #1021867
no, chicago is not middle america.
I was in scranton. Scranton is middle america.June 9, 2013 7:50 pm at 7:50 pm #1021868gefenParticipant
popa – yeah ur right. we are the midwest, not middle america. my bad. hey I’m from new york, what do i know about the rest of the country? 😉June 9, 2013 7:50 pm at 7:50 pm #1021869Shopping613 🌠Participant
No ohio is in middle…..
PBA you have this strange personality to offend everone in 1 way or anotherJune 9, 2013 9:18 pm at 9:18 pm #1021870rebdonielMember
I would not wear a kippa in Middle America. I once spent a shabbos in Bend, Oregon, and wore a baseball hat, tucked in tzizit, etc. I did wear the motel room keys on a bendel, but nobody noticed that.June 9, 2013 9:22 pm at 9:22 pm #1021871
bend oregon is way different than scranton. Scranton has a yeshiva, a kollel, a couple of shuls, and an old frum community. You can wear a kippa there no prob.June 9, 2013 9:48 pm at 9:48 pm #1021872rebdonielMember
Scranton has a frum community, and I wouldn’t think there is much need to venture beyond those daled amos on a typical shabbos.
By Middle America, I thought you were referring to places that may not have many Jews. I was there for medical reasons.September 23, 2013 4:26 am at 4:26 am #1021873chofetzchaimMember
- Chuck Norris shlugs kapparos with a cow.
- Chuck Norris fasts the entire aseres yemei teshuva. (Actually, this is a real minhag- but he doesn’t eat at night.)
- Chuck Norris klaps “al cheit” with brass knuckles.
- Chuck Norris says all of the extra piyutim in the back of the Artscroll machzor And still has a 3 hour break.
September 23, 2013 5:00 am at 5:00 am #1021874
- Chuck Norris’s sukkah is made from actual Ananei HaKavod.
- Chuck Norris is makpid not to breathe outside the sukkah.
- When Chuck Norris bangs his Aravos, it measures 6.3 on the Richter Scale — 50 miles away.
- Chuck Norris does backwards hagbah on all 3 Torahs at once, while holding up all 4 sides of the tallis chupa.
- Chuck Norris holds his Lulav and Esrog, his Machzor, the Torah, and cell phone – All at the same time. In one hand.
Can Chuck Norris grow an esrog that he can’t break the pitum off of?September 23, 2013 5:17 am at 5:17 am #1021875Sam2Participant
PBA: The Rambam would say no, that’s a logical impossibility. A few of the Geonim would say that of course he can. (True story: I capitalized the “h” in the word “he” in that sentence before remembering that I was talking about Chuck, not God.)September 23, 2013 5:18 am at 5:18 am #1021876chofetzchaimMember
Chuck Norris’s hadassim and aravos stay perfectly green and whole for all 7 days.September 23, 2013 8:16 am at 8:16 am #1021877jewishfeminist02Member
Scranton may be remote, but it is definitely not Middle America. We have driven through it many times en route to upstate NY– it’s a great place to stop for a minyan on the way if you time it well.September 23, 2013 11:32 am at 11:32 am #1021878147Participant
Does anyone know how to keep shabbos in Middle America?
Yes! By studying the 4th of the 10 Commandments.September 24, 2013 4:40 pm at 4:40 pm #1021879Bookworm120Participant
@PBA – I’d think in Middle America, the people are a bit taller.
Why do people think America equals Planet Earth? (Just like in Doctor Who, everything always happens to England.)
Btw, Poppa Bar Abba, I am convinced that you are a time lord. And since there’s only one left, you must be the Doctor.June 30, 2014 10:44 pm at 10:44 pm #1021880squeakParticipant
Will chuck norris be in middle america this shabbos? I’ll let you know.
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