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Why is it that shadchanim don’t follow up with their clients? We send our resumes to shadchan after shadchan and we just don’t hear back from not even one?!?!! Is it soo hard to call and say hi I’m still thinking of your daughter but nothing cooking right now instead of the girls just hoping and praying that the next phone call is one of the shadchanim that everyone calls ‘professional’. If that is the case, then please start acting professional by calling back and at least ‘pretend’ your working on us!!!!
So you’d rather have a shadchan give you false hopes of a prospect than to wait to call you until they have something?
Is it soo hard to call and say hi I’m still thinking of your daughter but nothing cooking right now
Is it so hard for you to imagine that maybe it is?
Sorry, but you are not doing it correctly. Unfortunately the weight of a shidduch lies upon the parent.
You must call a shadchan and tell them you are sending in your childs’ resume.
A few days after it was mailed, you MUST call the Shadchan and ask to go over the resume over the phone to answer any questions.
The Shadchan is inundated by resumes, and if you want yours to stand out, you need to follow up.
The suggestion (made by you) that the Shadchan meet your child personally, at their convenience is also a plus.
Putting a face to the resume, in person, will always put your child on the top of the list of appropriate shidduchim.
Been there, done that. (twice)
You can always try being the shadchan yourself if you dont like how they do it. call on the roshei yeshiva, rabbonim and menahalim yourself on behalf of your own daughter. if you dont like how they do it, dont gripe about it, do it yourself.
kach onin es hameukos?
Popa’s right. I apologize to the OP for my tone.
I think you’ve gotten some good advice, though, to follow up on your own. Sometimes shadchanim need a reminder to keep you or your child in mind.
It probably is difficult for a shadchan to call to say they haven’t been successful in finding a prospective shidduch, but it might be helpful to call occasionally to ask if there are any updates. The very fact that he/she might feel bad to have to answer in the negative, might just give that little extra push to focus on finding someone.
Hatzlocha, may you soon be zoche to celebrate a simcha, and once again, please accept my apology for my insensitivity (and thanks, popa, for the musser).
Shadchanim probably have a gazillion people waiting for callbacks. I would call the shadchan myself. That said, can we start a movement to STOP calling personal info about a boy or girl their “resume?” IT IS NOT A JOB INTERVIEW. I don’t know why it bugs me so much, but it really does.
Furthermore, I do not do “research,” except when I am writing a term paper (which I have not done in about 40 years). I make inquiries about the family of the boy or girl that has been suggested. This terminology bugs me SO much. And though I know there are far more important thigs to worry about, I feel sometimes as though the entire Shidduch process has been boiled down to solely a business deal. Anyone else feel this way?
oomis – I agree with you. Can we also stop having “lists” of boys/girls? People are not inventory items.
people become inventory items when they try to sell themselves
people sell themselves cause of competition. Also lets say the shadchans not gonna be interested in a noodge
Frankly, I wouldn’t expect anything from a shadchan I didn’t pay.
people become inventory items when they try to sell themselves
People are inventory. That’s why when you make money you have ordinary income.
From Long Island wrote “Unfortunately the weight of a shidduch lies upon the parent.”
I’m still waiting for pba to chime in on that line… 🙂
People with overweight parents have a harder time in shidduchim?
Definitely. There isn’t a guy who doesn’t look at his potential mother in law and wonder if that will be his wife in 25 years.
That’s a good point. I think we should start a new trend where we ask not just for a picture of the girl but of her mother as well.
And grandmother!
and another thing that I always wonder: why has it become such a normal practice that girls have to send a picture of themselves to the mother before she can even think about looking at her “resume” for her son? Are girls required to sell themselves or something like one does at a job interview?
And what if the girl asked for a picture back once they got a green light…wow that would be completely ludicrous, the shidduch would have to be dropped immediately…
how often is it appropriate to remind shadchanim your daughter?
I would take the straightforward approach, and ask any shadchan you are in contact with when you should call them back.
On average, though, how often do you think?
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