Shadchanus

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  • #1508606

    Me12345
    Participant

    I was wondering if anyone knows where the source of shadchanus is. Also does anyone know what the accepted amount is to give the shadchan? Is there even an accepted amount?

    #1508612

    Joseph
    Participant

    Paying shadchanus is a halachic requirement.

    #1508611

    iacisrmma
    Participant

    Professional shadchanim generally have a set fee. We have not had a professional redd any of my children’s shiduchim so we talked it over with our machatunim and decided on what we thought was a fair amount and then split the cost between both sides. It was in the $1500 – $2000 range.

    #1508646

    In Israel i hear it’s 1000 shekel each side.

    #1508656

    Joseph
    Participant

    iac: $1500 โ€“ $2000 combined or each?

    #1508686

    Me12345
    Participant

    Joseph do you know where it says this halacha?

    #1508710

    laskern
    Participant

    The first shadchan was Hashem as we say in sheva brochos ืฉืžื— ืชืฉืžื—. A husband and wife are good shadchonim. My wife and I made a good shiduch. I knew the Choson and she knew the Kallah.

    #1508727

    iacisrmma
    Participant

    Joseph: Total paid to the shadchan.

    #1508867

    Toi
    Participant

    @Me- It’s mifurash in SH”A, don’t remember where. There are limudim from pesukim in Navi regarding how it gets divided up among the different parties involved.

    #1508900

    laskern
    Participant

    Look at Kidushin 12,1 ืจื‘ ืžื ื’ื™ื“ ืขืœ ื“ืžืงื“ืฉ ื‘ืœื ืฉื™ื“ื•ื›ื™ and SH/A HaEven Ezer 26,4 , where they give makas mardus ื“ืžืงื“ืฉ ื‘ืœื ืฉื™ื“ื•ืš.

    • This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  YW Moderator-25.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  laskern.
    #1508911

    Meno
    Participant

    I believe the term “shadchanus” as it’s being used in this thread is referring to the money paid to a shadchan, not the act of arranging shidduchim.

    #1508961

    Toi
    Participant

    That’s what I was referring to- the cash, not the gemara.

    #1508982

    laskern
    Participant

    Look at the RMA Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 185:10.

    #1508991

    laskern
    Participant

    Look also at the Aruch Hashulchan there 185:11-13.

    #1509000

    Harotzehbilumshmo
    Participant

    There is a wonderful book in English on the topic that covers all of your questions and more. Its called Shadchanus in Halacha by Rabbi Shlomo Dickman

    Sorry no links

    #1509677

    icemelter
    Participant

    Come on, what’s 5000 dollars for finding a shidduch? Seriously some shadchanim straight up charge that if not more.

    #1509700

    BaltimoreMaven
    Participant

    There is a normative amount in each community.
    The Minhag in Yerushalayim – I have heard – was to give 1/3 of the shadchan gelt after the engagement, 1/3 after the Chuppah and 1/3 after the first child was born. Makes a lot of sense.
    Shadchan of course stands for “Sheker Dover, Kesef Notel”

    #1509708

    ChalabiJew
    Participant

    I was told by a reliable source that it’s 1500 for rebbeim and klei kodesh, 2500 for regular working baalei batim and 5000 for well to do

    #1509726

    Takes2-2tango
    Participant

    April 22, 2018 5:27 pm at 5:27 pm#1509708REPLY
    ChalabiJewParticipant
    I was told by a reliable source that itโ€™s 1500 for rebbeim and klei kodesh,
    “””””””””””””””””””””””””””
    That amount is only if the rebbe or klei kodesh is not taking any government subsities,otherwise how is he different then a plain ball habos who is poorer then a rebbe who is on subsities.

    #1510269

    Takes2-2tango
    Participant

    Must a shadchan return the money if the engagement broke or is it voluntary?

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