November 6, 2013 5:01 am at 5:01 am #611192
Ive heard the first year is most difficult. However, what would you do if you were frum, at poverty level living outside the eruv? Mind you the frum community is a few miles away but very small and severely hashgafically segregated. Now that we are expecting our first iyh, I want to go back to the loving, warm community I came from but we have no parnosse. Afraid to go thru pregnancy without my support network. Any advice please?November 6, 2013 5:31 am at 5:31 am #986784eclipseMember
Start a shiur in your home?
Or a Tupperware party?
A Rosh Chodesh party?
You will become the nucleus of warmth and love in this community, with Hashem’s help.November 6, 2013 4:26 pm at 4:26 pm #986785keepitcomingMember
move to eretz yisroel everyone is poor hereNovember 6, 2013 5:53 pm at 5:53 pm #986786Torah613TorahParticipant
What does your husband do?November 6, 2013 6:56 pm at 6:56 pm #986787WolfishMusingsParticipant
The WolfNovember 6, 2013 7:11 pm at 7:11 pm #986788cherrybimParticipant
You live outside the eruv? Oh my goodness! I would jump off the roof.November 6, 2013 8:53 pm at 8:53 pm #986789popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Just don’t hold of the eruv, and then it won’t bother you.November 6, 2013 9:24 pm at 9:24 pm #986790
Seriously speaking, Being depressed when you’re expecting isn’t really a good thing. Rather I should say depression isn’t ever really a good thing. Make sure you get the support you need to get out of this! I don’t know enough about your situation to guide you properly. Is this about loneliness?November 7, 2013 1:29 am at 1:29 am #986791
Torah613Torah -Remodeling, he took care of his ailing mother the last two years full time before we got married. She passed away recently.
Cherrybim-that only made me feel worse
Amamin-it is about a broken community and being stuck here as I posted above.November 7, 2013 4:39 am at 4:39 am #986792rebdonielMember
a) Regarding the eruv: There are many of us who are somech on the shita of the Rambam (and also the Mishna Berura) and never carry within string eruvin. Eventually, you can learn to live without it. I daven in the same place for all three tefillot, leave my siddur there, and either leave my tallit there before shabbat, or wear my tallit on shabbat. For a woman, this can be trickier, especially once a baby is born, since you can’t push a stroller on shabbat. Solutions could possibly include getting a sitter for while you go to shul, or, have your husband go to hashkama minyan and then you go to the regular minyan.
b) Parnassa: It is a huge challenge for all of us. Education costs a ton of money, and the cost of frum living, even when welfare is involved, is very high. Jobs are not in abundance. I also find there are more opportunities in large cities, but the issue is that the cost of living is also much higher here. I’d suggest speaking with a professional about finances and jobs.
c) PUSH: Pray Until Something Happens. Your story is heartbreaking to me. Connect with your local rabbi and see what can be done for your family. If there are frum business owners, maybe they can offer employment, or donations of food, clothing, etc.November 7, 2013 1:24 pm at 1:24 pm #986793zvei dinimParticipant
People don’t realise how creative they are, think of some solutions, follow out on the best one — even if it takes perseverance, you’ll be happier, that will make your husband happier, and that will make both of you even more happier and productive.November 7, 2013 10:17 pm at 10:17 pm #986794
Are there any Yiden in your community that you could hook up with? Do you have a job? You must’ve moved there for a reason? I understand that you both have moved away from family and friends, try to make new friends and new connections. Please help yourself, you must realize we are limited here, not knowing your situation.November 13, 2013 5:19 am at 5:19 am #986795
I put myself in a bad situation all because I really thought this man was my zivug. Everything I ever wanted in a husband he is minus the financial stability. I was impressed that he was taking care of his mom, I thought his customers would pay us, I thought his business would take off here. Not so. Basically, I married someone who is starting over in life because of his mothers illness/death. No Rabbis can help, with food assistance yes but that is all. Im so emberassed to have people visit our basement home when we have the baby iyh, due to so many remodeling projects left until last minute due to his mourning. I feel neglected and have no idea where to turn anymore. G-d is not answering my prayers or tears…November 13, 2013 6:14 am at 6:14 am #986796
I have a friend who can help you. She works for an organization called Sparks. Even though they are dedicated to dealing with women postpartum she could help you along now as well. Please call sparks and ask for Rivky.
If you can’t get the number., let me know and I will get it for you! You need to reach out to the proper channels to help you through this…. You will be fine , don’t worry!!November 13, 2013 6:42 am at 6:42 am #986797
Bless you mamin! Does it matter that we are in the midwest in regards to your friend?November 13, 2013 6:46 am at 6:46 am #986798
Sparks number is 1 718 2sparks. Please call.November 13, 2013 4:35 pm at 4:35 pm #986799Torah613TorahParticipant
Ahava, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. You’re going through such a hard and challenging time, and things are just so hard right now, between pregnancy and avelus and being far from family and not having enough money. Hashem does hear your tefilos and no matter how badly you think you are doing ruchniyus wise, the fact that you managed to daven at all is amazing. You’re bringing life into the world and starting a Jewish family and doing it in a very difficult situation. You are a hero.
I don’t have any advice for you but it really does sound hard, and I hope and daven that things begin to work out for you for the good, that your husband finds a good parnasa soon and things begin to settle down.November 13, 2013 5:18 pm at 5:18 pm #986800LeyzerParticipant
Please can a Mod correct the title of this thread.November 13, 2013 5:40 pm at 5:40 pm #986801amichaiParticipant
ahava, you and your family will be in our tefillos. please try to get the help from these programs and what they offer.November 13, 2013 5:51 pm at 5:51 pm #986802
Ahava 282: You can call sparks from wherever you are!November 14, 2013 4:39 am at 4:39 am #986803
I spoke to Rivky at Sparks and she gave me some great advice. She said if you will notice when you feel anxiety and worry, you are either focused on the past or the future. Both of which you cannot control so it’s healthier to be in the present. Also, she mentioned how fear and anticipation can be avoided when we realize there are things we can control and things we can’t and thats G-d’s job.
Lots of other advice and guidance given and with such grace and wisdom. I highly suggest any couple struggling with pre natal and post natal worries to use Sparks. Rivky is a gem!November 14, 2013 4:40 am at 4:40 am #986804
Yes, Leyzer.November 14, 2013 5:39 pm at 5:39 pm #986805
Ahava 282 : I’m so happy you spoke with Rivky and that she was helpful. It is important to know that there is help out there, you just have to know where to reach out! Wishing you an easy pregnancy and a life full of simcha!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.