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When a new couple says, “We’re in shanah rishona!”, is that an apporpriate reason to minimize contact with the rest of there family and friends? My understanding is that “Shanah rishona” is between the chosson and kallah ONLY…it reflects how they should treat each other, NOT that they should avoid family and friends. What are your thoughts.
I dont think the newly wed couple is deliberately avoiding family and friends. They are just SO engrossed in their newfound life, they just took off and are (hopefully) flying 30,000 feet above ground…..Like every airplane flight , they will land, without doubt in their friends and families tarmac!
On the other hand it is really hard to balance family friends and marriage at once so I really respect those who can do it
For whom:- Not for your Kittel. Being in Shono Rishono, stay away from your Kittel for 1 more year until the Simcha of Shono Rishono is over.
Except for things like wearing a kittel, “Shanah Rishonah” (or “being a newlywed” in American English) is not a legal concept. It’s more like saying your just got married and you don’t have to act like grownups yet (since marriage is, in our community, what makes you an adult and gives you adult responsibilities). Of course, when she starts to “show”, that sort of ends being “Shanah Rishonah” since you move up (higher social status) to being a parent (and be realistic, only parents have meaningful social status in the frum community).
For whom:- Not for your Kittel. Being in Shono Rishono, stay away from your Kittel for 1 more year until the Simcha of Shono Rishono is over.
Ah, I did not know that at the time. As a result, I wore a kittel on Yom Kippur and by the seder during my first year of marriage.
What are the consequences of one who violates this halacha?
The Wolf
You WolfishMusings forgot to mention what you did vis a vis your Kittel on Rosh haShono of your Shono Rishono?
You WolfishMusings forgot to mention what you did vis a vis your Kittel on Rosh haShono of your Shono Rishono?
I never wear a kittle on Rosh HaShannah.
The Wolf
I never wear a kittle on Rosh HaShannah.
In my Shul the Baal Koreh wears a Kittel. I always thought it was a universal Minhag.
In my Shul the Baal Koreh wears a Kittel. I always thought it was a universal Minhag.
Fair enough. In my shul, the ba’al tefillah and ba’al tokeah wear them, whether married or not. I, as the ba’al kriah, do not.
The Wolf
“Except for things like wearing a kittel, “Shanah Rishonah” (or “being a newlywed” in American English) is not a legal concept.”
it sure is a legal concept, brought down in many seforim, even l’halocha
your job should be to build people’s sholom bayis, not disrupt it
Wolf
Why dont you wear one? Did you ask the Rav if you should be wearing one or did he tell you not to wear one?
ZAS and menucha12: After reading your posts, my heart melted. I get what you’re saying. I dont know if i’m reading too much into your posts, but i’ve been there and felt this way when i was single. It’s not easy to understand when a young married couple want to spend time together to grow and understand each other and they are not available to their friends and sometimes to their families too. I kept telling myself i would never be like those snobby, stuck up newlyweds who cant seem to bother with those not on their “level”. But when my time came, although i did call friends when i was able to, it was very seldom. And i didnt always answer when my friends called either. It wasnt because i felt i was above their time, but rather I was busy, trying to become the best wife/housekeeper that i could be-i’ve never been one before and it was all new to me. (i’m still learning!!)
I could be reading into this all wrong, forgive me if i misinterpreted your posts. Your posts just reminded me of my feelings back then.
Why dont you wear one? Did you ask the Rav if you should be wearing one or did he tell you not to wear one?
In the 25 years that I’ve been laining, no one has ever told me to wear one. If the Rav wanted me to wear one, all he had to do was tell me to do so. The fact that neither rav ever did (I’ve lained in two different shuls over the last 25 years) tells me that, at least as far as they were concerned, I didn’t need to wear one.
The Wolf
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