Sheitels – Can we stop the madness ?

I know many women (of all ages and backgrouds) who are rejecting the wig in favor or tichels.
In fact I know a youngish woman (in her 40s) who wore a tichels to her childs wedding recently. She looked dignified, modest and married.
Many others are doing the same and recognizing the sheitel madness of today.
Hashem most certainly did not intend for married Jewish women to be covering their hair in this manner and unfortunately the wigs are making a massive Chillul Hashem. Wigs are all the rage in Hollywood now and actresses and celebrities wear them all the time- certainly not for modesty. It is a total joke to be covering hair with someone else’s gorgeous “hair” for “modesty” and pay thousands for this sheker. Let’s call a spade a spade- Jewish women are wearing wigs today for vanity and honor, soley for fashion and beauty. Such a distortion of an important commandment whose sole purpose is to elevate the modesty level of the married Jewish woman. The wigs today do the exact opposite

Bravo! Thank you for speaking up. (Now expect to be hammered by the pro-pritzus crowd.)

Maran Harav Elyashv ztL already bemoaned the situation, many years ago.

There are 2 issues here – first, the cost. Second, the tznius aspect.
For the first, it’s no different than anything else that people talk about. Weddings, vacations, etc. Yes, people spend a lot of money, many times unnecessarily. Don’t feel obligated to do what they do – do what you’re comfortable with.
Regarding tznius: hair covering is not about the hair looking attractive. If it was, then why is it that only married women have to cover it? I was taught that something in a woman’s hair changes after she’s lived with a man, and only then does it become an ervah. That’s why many poskim allow a kallah to not cover her hair at her wedding – because she and her husband haven’t been together yet, so it doesn’t have that status. Wearing a wig covers her hair which has that status, even if it looks completely natural.
Now, I am not a Rabbi, so I can’t speak as to the halachic issues around hair once it’s been cut. I know of married women who have donated hair to organizations that supply wigs to cancer patients. When hair comes from non-Jewish women, you can’t assume they’ve never been with a man. Given that I’ve never heard a posek say that only hair from a young child can be used, I assume that it’s not an issue once it’s been cut.

As far as it looking attractive, just look at it like clothing. There are outfits that may cover everything that needs to be covered, but some still wouldn’t consider them to be tznius. Look at wigs the same way.
As for me, personally? My wife got a wig when we got married. I bought her a new one for our 10th anniversary, and she still has it. But years ago, she switched to wearing scarves most of the time. She’ll only wear a wig now when we’re going to a family wedding or a formal event, where a scarf isn’t appropriate.

When we stop teaching extreme conformity and start learning basic common sense like, don’t spend more money then you have just to fit in, or your pocket book should dictate what you can afford, not society and thus different colors are allowed and not scorned. Only then will you see people focus on real things not just materialism. Materialism is the cracks showing in our impossible society

Baruch ha-Shem that we have the means to “waste” money on luxuries. It would be nice if everyone was a Tzaddik, but be realistic. I can think of worse things to spend money on than nice clothes (sheitels, streimels) that show off our success in America. True, a better use might be better pay for Torah institutions both in America and Eretz Yisrael, but there were worse things to spend money on (many of which are on YWN’s “do not talk about” list). We should remember that 100 years ago most frum women couldn’t afford a sheitel and most frum men couldn’t afford a streimel, and many couldn’t afford decent Shabbos clothes and were lucky to have a good meal once a week – and it only got worse after that. Ha-Shem has given us a good life, and we shouldn’t look down about those who are proud of being able to enjoy, since we know that in another hundred years it may just a distant memory. Obviously we should instead be investing in the future through Torah and Mitsvos, but as the saying goes, “Torah was given to people, not angels”.

There is a clear reason why married women cover their hair and it’s all about modesty.
The reason that the Torah prohibits a married woman to reveal her hair is the following:
אסור גלוי הראש אינו אלא משום פריצות דגברי -תרומת הדשן
The prohibition of revealing one’s hair is because hair is Pritzus. Since the hair of a married woman is attractive to another man and can cause him to sin, it must be covered. All the Rishonim and Achronim have said that this is the reason that a woman must cover her hair in public. (For many sources on this Divrei Shalom is a great resource.)
Rav Falk writes in his pamphlet Mitzvos Kisui Saaros that “The Torah requires a married women to conceal her hair from the eyes of the public in order to lessen attraction to herself.” (page 7)
He continues: “An unmarried maiden may attract attention to herself (within the boundaries of tznius) so that she is sought after and eventually marries (Ta’anis 13a and Kesubos 52b). Similarly, a man may look at a girl and take an interest in her appearance, chein, mannerisms etc. if he is considering her for marriage for himself or someone else. A married woman may, however, neither attract attention to herself (Kesubos 73a Rashi v.s. Sahara. See also Rosh and Ritvo) nor may a man take an interest in the appearance of an eishes ish, as she is unavailable to everyone but her husband.
For this reason the hair of a girl may be seen, whilst the hair of a married woman, which is naturally a major source of attraction to her, must be covered and hidden from the eye of the public. Accordingly, for a married woman to wear a head covering that easily passes as her own hair, defeats the very function of this mitzvah, since a man seeing her can think that he is seeing her own hair and be attracted by it, especially when he does not know who she is and whether she is married or not.
A similar but different reason why just a married woman must cover her hair is based on the verse “stolen waters are sweet” (Mishlei 9:17). Due to this phenomenon there is a special yetzer hora towards a married woman since she is an eishes ish (see Sanhedrin 75a and Avoda Zarah 20a). The mitzvah of kisui sa’aros was given to lessen attraction to such a person and safeguard Kedushas Yisroel. See Oz Vehadar Levusha, page 265 that in numerous places in the Torah hair is highlighted as a major source of attraction. Accordingly, by commanding the married woman to withhold from the public how she looks in her true hair, there is far less danger of a person being drawn to her and Kedushas Yisroel is guaranteed.
It’s very clear that since hair is so attracting to men and it is therefore required to be covered after marriage, the less the head covering resembles hair the better the mitzvah of kisui Rosh is being fulfilled- with the Tichel being the ideal as it doesn’t resemble hair at all. If a sheitel looks like hair it beautifies the woman wearing it and that goes against the entire purpose of the mitzvah of kisui Rosh. As it says in Rabbi Falk’s sefer Oz vehadar levusha: “Hair was given the status of ervah by Chazal because when part of a female that should be covered is uncovered it can affect a man who sees it and cause him to feel attracted to it.” (page 228)
Today’s wigs all look natural and all look just like a woman’s hair, usually nicer. They beautify the married woman making her much more attractive to men, which contradicts the entire purpose of the mitzvah of kisui rosh.

To akuperma

I concur that you have the right to spend your money as you see fit, but if you indulge in Gashmiyus and ignore Ruchniyus, you’ll be very disappointed when you come to the next world. I can’t tell you how to balance the two, for that you need to speak to your Rav, assuming he isn’t also gashmiyus driven as are so many of them.

To rescue

I like your style, not only in this thread but in general. Keep up the good work.

I think it’s unrealistic to say that you can “stop the madness”
It’s coming more from an extreme level of materialism and perhaps even emptiness cuz presentation has become the main focus not a person’s humaness. We are a presentation based society and the more we become about spending money the more society becomes about appearances and all humanity fades away. We are like the elite of the past with all the social rules and lack of humanity. The problem with such a lifestyle is that we all become ivory tower folks, so disconnected from reality we lose focus of what _is_ important and anyone that doesn’t measure up to our materialistic standards become further and further away from the norm making normal people feel dehumanized by the standards. Looks, prestige, money has even become the yardstick of who we date, and who gets a date and who gets married. It’s a sick rot rotting our bones. Harming the little guy and scorning the people who can’t measure up. It’s an illness. And it’s very sad. I don’t personally think presentation is a bad thing. Dressing up is great always looking good is amazing. But this isn’t just dressing the part this is becoming a sickness of emptiness and scorn

Being imperfect keeps us humble. Living within our means helps us understand others. It helps us treat others properly and treat every human being with kindness.

There is no Ruchniyus in America. Yiddishkeit is being observed according to one’s materialistic standards. We don’t conform to Yiddishkeit. We make Yiddishkeit conform to us.

Anything can be said to be better than nothing. Wigs may be better than nothing. So are a lot of things, but then everything is justified. People who consider themselves frum and serving Hashem should aim to do what Hashem wants, not something better than worse things but not quite what He wants. The discussion here is about what is ideal for those who are ready to serve Hashem as intended. We applaud everyone who serves Hashem even though they may not be ready to take on certain halachot. Everyone has room to grow. But what are we growing towards, we need to know the ideal, the proper thing to do.

Happy new year. But laws fallow logic also.
If the government made a law that didn’t fallow logic or common sense that was all about control or contradicted itself. Would you fallow. No because God gave you a brain. Stop being a sheep. Things should make sense

Morality is law. Torah has been taken out of context no offense. So yes when someone comes and says melachos don’t = rest they are right. You still can use your brain even if your religious. If a+b doesn’t equal c it’s not an avairah to admit it. Your allowed to say the truth

1. There is a lot to be said for the anti-Sheitel side. Baruch Lesin summarized the core issues well.

2. Technically, for purposes of permitting one to make a bracha or say Krias Shma in her presence, any sheitel does the job.

3. As has been pointed out, in America until fairly recently the choice usually wasn’t ‘shaitel or tichel’, rather ‘shaitel or nothing’.

4. Which is why most Ashkenazi (and even some Sephardi) Rabbonim encouraged sheitels in the past, and most still don’t oppose them (within reason.)

5. It is very important for a married woman to look as good as she can for her husband. So if anything, save the best sheitel for home.

6. A 75 year old lady wanting to look 50 (or 25) is basic human nature, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it.

7. למעשה, ask your LOR who knows your background and understands what your wife (and you) can handle.

@rescue & besalel
I feel bad saying this but, if the Laws “made sense” then we wouldn’t need Torah. Let’s just make up what WE want. This thread is about the question of frum jewish women wearing Shaitels. In my own made up religion (what I think makes sense), women would wear (or not wear) whatever they want

Thats not the question here. The question is, is there a chiyuv al pi Torah (or mdiRabanan) to cover the hair, and if so, does a shaitel (or a fancy, lace top etc…) qualify. It seems some shitos ( R Elyashiv etc ..) held it doesn’t. Fine. But it’s not so pashut.

Nobody asked “rescue” or “besalel” what THEY think makes sense! Not relevant to THIS conversation.

I could do what I think makes sense!! Thanks for your opinion.

This question is about frum Yisraeiliyos who follow Torah.
Not what “rescue” or “besalel” or “Happy New Year” think.

Now “Yaakov Yosef” actually has good svaros (kedoshim tihyu). Thank you
But that doesn’t make a fancy lace top worse than any other nice clothes.

“Ruchnios is for goyim”… That just about sums up the krumkeit of many outwardly frum but empty souls. And that is how one can convince themselves that waist-length wigs are kosher because “the hair is covered”. Never mind that that those wigs are exceptionally immodest and totally not what rabbonim in previous generations had in mind when paskening that peah nochri is a valid head covering according to halacha. It is absolutely pathetic how women wearing these exceptionally immodest wigs are claiming to be dressed modestly… it is pathetic and delusional.

I have to disagree with the op on the price of wigs though. Any wig under $3,200 is generally processed hair and looks terrible within a year. If one knows what to look for, $3500 is a good price for unprocessed hair that could last years. Maybe the OPs wives and daughters are constantly buying new wigs, but I buy for myself and my daughters infrequently because the wigs I buy lasts for years. Paying for wigs more than $3500 is overpaying… people spend, $5000-$20,000 on wigs. That is insanity

I think honestly and of course y’all are gonna get on my case for this but the fundamental understanding is that humans aren’t fallowers they think for themsleves based on whatever they feel is right. And this shows in the wigs people choose and how they dress. You can’t bring “the rabbanim would never have allowed this” it’s not what rabbanim allow. People simply don’t fallow the rules because they don’t want to and humans are not designed to fallow but to choose for themsleves what is right for them as is clear in the way people are choosing their wigs. If this is the fundamental nature of human beings then pushing “the rabbanim would never have allowed this” is delusional. These people listen to themselves. The best we can do is teach them proper morals when they are young so that they make proper moral choices when they are old or change the entire system to be more based on real life principles so people have a more moral mindset to fallow. Telling people “rabbanim would never let” is bypassing the human way of being that we all at the end of the day fallow whatever we truly feel is right not a bunch of leaders who say things. And don’t get on my case about this because obviously this is human nature judging from what’s going on

Here is an excellent letter written by a woman who became religious later in life that really summerizes the issue (it was printed in Mishpacha magazine a few years ago):

I am a baalas teshuva- prior to “my return”, I traveled internationally as a background singer for various non Jewish superstars and was also featured as a solo artist with numerous bands. Before I became frum I performed in many prestigious places worldwide, including the White House and for the Queen of England. Unfortunately, I was exposed to very bad elements- really the lowest of the low. The women who performed with me were entirely focused on the external and their dress and behavior reflected this mind set. I too remember being enslaved to my external appearance. Many of these female singers actually wore wigs to perform. It was part of their “costume”. Long, short- it didn’t really matter. The wigs were meant to provoke
and to give a certain glamorous appearance. NO ONE in the secular world was wearing a wig for modesty reasons. They would have laughed if I had suggested such an idea.
When I learned about the concept of Tznius, I embraced the transformation with open arms as it finally made me a neshama, instead of an object. My hair was always a MAJOR part of my visual identity and appeal. As an orthodox married woman, there was never a discussion about how I wanted to cover my hair. My chason just assumed I’d wear a sheital, like everyone else. When I explained how I felt about preserving my beauty for the home only, he whole heartedly agreed it was preferable. I guess I never realized what a statement it would make entering a crowded shul or chasana, let alone, continuing with my career as a professional singer.
The reason I never considered owning a sheital is because it would make me feel and look like I did before, unmarried. My head covering defines me as a Jewish married woman and I’m proud to be seen as such. In public, I feel protected as my hair is not exposed and clearly covered. I also know that I am doing my utmost to prevent men from stumbling – as I look much more modest in a tichel than in a wig. I feel like a Kiddush Hashem and a light unto the nations as I frequently have non Jewish people ask me about our holidays and enlightening hashkafos. I peacefully cover my hair the way I do because it reminds me that I’m different. I am a servant of Hashem, prepared to take responsibility for my role as a Jewish married woman and I
consider it a privilege to do so.
My personal story can be heard on Chazak, story number 218.
Thank you
Mrs. Miriam Sandler

I’m a little late to the conversation, but here’s my two cents (Disregard the pennies, make it a nickel).
Clearly, hair covering for an eishes ish isn’t an issue of hirhur. if it was, all women from age 12 and up would have to cover their hair, as do Moslem women for that very reason. The issue is clearly pritzus, but in a very particular way. From the times of the Gemorah, hair covering was a siman of marriage and was the general custom. A married woman who did not cover her hair was a perutza in that she was basically indicating that she was muttar l’shuk, I.E. false advertising. Over time, hair covering became less of a siman and other simanim, such as wedding rings, became the common sign of marriage. In Lite, for instance, many erlache married women didn’t specifically cover their hair but wore their hare braided and put up rather than loose as an unmarried girl might do. Nevertheless, the custom of covering one’s hair was never discarded, but covering hair was part of the mesorah, it was continued by covering one’s hair with somebody else’s hair or a an artificial one.

Obviously covering your hair is not for modesty reasons. And it never was. It’s not even deoraysa. So all these rules are a stretch

happy new year: thank you for demonstrating why learning in a yeshiva that is completely disconnected from the halacha is a waste of time. these yeshivos produce am aratzim of the greatest caliber who have completely lost the forest for the trees. Exhibit A is happy new year and his ridiculous posts.

@besalel :

I didn’t learn in yeshiva! I am completely independent!

I learned kol haTorah kula, inside and out, from the truthful and historical perspective. I understand these matters better than 99.99%.

You dont know who you’re talking to, and I’m alot older than you think.

But we can agree that the yeshiva system today is not learning properly as I’ve said many times on other posts and coffee room discussions….. look it up….

10 years learning full time (starting 9th grade) and they still didn’t finish shas bavli and mishna at least??

“it’s a grave sin for a man to be attracted to a married woman”
Somehow human nature can discern who’s married and who’s not because someone has a wig on their head or a ring on their finger. Your so unrealistic.
It’s a sin to sleep with a married woman. But attraction is a _feeling_ not an action and you can’t always control feeling.
Be realistic