Sheltering kids

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  • #599182

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    what’s a good way to shelter kids from outside influences (TV, guns) while at the same time being sensitive to other peoples feelings (not calling other people bad)

    is my question coherent?

    #809092

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Give us an example please.

    #809093

    mytake
    Member

    Are you asking how we can teach our kids not to do stuff that others allow without putting these people down?

    #809094

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    like let’s say there are a bunch of kids on the block or in his school that watch tv (fairly common in oot day schools where there’s a mix of kids) and then the kids make certain references to tv shows and your kid repeats it how do you teach him that it’s not proper to do it yet at the same time show that the other kids aren’t bad and you shouldn’t hate them

    #809095

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    yes mytake

    #809096

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Hmmmm. It looks like your question is not really about sheltering the kids, since they will be learning it all from the classmates in school.

    So, the harm of learning about this stuff is already done.

    So, what is it you want to teach them now? That this stuff is improper to talk about?

    #809097

    mytake
    Member

    First of all, if anything you should be worried about your kids looking down at them, but I don’t see why they would hate them.

    Kids should understand that different Yidden have different standards when it comes to entertainment, dress, kashrus, interpersonal relationships, etc. It is never our place to judge. We all do our very best to make Hashem proud and listen to our Rav when it comes to setting our own standards.

    (As an aside, the TV example is rather complicated since it’s almost impossible to have kids constantly hang out with friends who watch TV and expect them to withstand the temptation….)

    #809098

    mytake
    Member

    Btw, do no be afraid to tell your kids that what they saw/heard someone do is not allowed for a Jewish girl/boy. They SHOULD know that what was done is against halacha or not in line with a Torah lifesyle, however, it is not their place to judge somebody else’s level of halacha/hashkafa. Their job is to work on their own Yiddishkeit.

    (But call it what it is. If it’s assur, then it’s assur. If it’s a chumrah, then call it that….)

    #809099

    aries2756
    Participant

    When my kids were little we lived in BP. We started out in a chasidish school because the pre-school was top notch. I didn’t take them out because the pre-1A rebbe was great and then the first grade Rebbe, an so on. We had a TV and the most I would allow my kids to watch was Sesame Street, The Big Blue Marble and Mr. Rogers. My boys came home talking about Ninja Turtles, and pretending they had nunchucks. I asked where they learned that from and they told me the other boys in yeshiva. I was quite shocked because I tried to keep them away from that.

    I told them that those characters did not emulate god middos, they were always fighting and I didn’t want my boys to fight and so on. The yeshiva didn’t really care at the time because they told me boys fight. B”H your boys are normal, they fight.

    #809100

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    exactly mytake

    That’s what I’m worried about

    (Hopefully it won’t be a problem b/c Moshiach will be here before my kid goes to school, however he already knows about elmo)

    #809101

    mytake
    Member

    I’m not sure what the circumstances are that led you to that neighborhood/city. But have you thought about relocating? (at least once your child gets a little older)

    #809102

    twisted
    Participant

    I would not shelter children from guns. I had them in the house, the children were aware of what they were for and what they can do, and the respect and caution required. Lelamed es benei Yisrael keshes, halo hee kesuva al sefer Hayashar.

    #809103

    shlishi
    Member

    The sword (gun) is the tool of Eisev.

    #809104

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    I’m not sure what the circumstances are that led you to that neighborhood/city. But have you thought about relocating? (at least once your child gets a little older)

    to exactly where?

    I would not shelter children from guns. I had them in the house, the children were aware of what they were for and what they can do, and the respect and caution required. Lelamed es benei Yisrael keshes, halo hee kesuva al sefer Hayashar.

    and for those of us that don’t have guns ourselves what do you suggest

    #809105

    Toi
    Participant

    actually shlishi theres a ton of aggadah on what the sword and bow mean and represaent and how klal yisroel use both. its generaly a metaphor for tefilla.

    #809106

    Mr Taxman
    Member

    there are jewish themed CD’s out there with elmo and seasame street – which is a way of giving your child access to elmo and seasame street but in a kosher way as opposed to the secular version.

    #809107

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    and then when he grows older?

    #809108

    Mr Taxman
    Member

    when he grows older, it would be every parents wish that he would be serious in his studies and mature enough to differentiate bad from good, things he should do and things he should not do….With good parenting and good Chinuch one would hope that one would not have to worry too much about that, but i know it is every parents worst nightmare.

    #809109

    adorable
    Participant

    I think there is a time and place for everything but if you tell them that We dont…watch TV or we dont do… (things that are not assur but just below the standard you set for yourself) then you are sending them a message of confidence too. not that we are holier than though but that we dont do this. theres a certain pride they can get from that.

    #809110

    golden mom
    Member

    we dont let any sort of guns in the house not even water guns we explain to out kids that it is a guyish zach

    when he have for example neigbors who do things that we dont do or want our kids to do we explain to our kids that for us its not ok to do that they are yidden also but they think its ok they maybe dont realize its a problem and if they persist i try to think of st that seperates us from them like school so i say in ur school ur not allowed to do ____ ____ and i had to sign a paper u wouldnt do it and if child persists i say should we call ur principal/menahel and ask him if its ok and they say no! so i say see u really know its a problem

    #809111

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    I think there is a time and place for everything but if you tell them that We dont…watch TV or we dont do… (things that are not assur but just below the standard you set for yourself) then you are sending them a message of confidence too. not that we are holier than though but that we dont do this. theres a certain pride they can get from that.

    or they can ask “why” then what do you say?

    #809112

    Hey Shlishi,a note on swords (guns), See Tehillim 149.

    General question, How can you tell your children that “we keep a higher standard” without the implication that the other kids somehow inferior?

    #809113

    chaimss
    Participant

    R.K- That actually may be easier than you think. Usually someone who, say, watches TV, is better at a different middah, say, chesed. So all you have to say is that you try hard in this area and they have other areas that they’re improving in. That way it isn’t a matter of better or worse, just different.

    #809114

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    chaimss,

    great point, i’ll have to remember that

    #809115

    aries2756
    Participant

    There are many, many goyim who would never take a TV into their homes either. Do you know what they call it? An “idiot box”. When my kids finished pre-school I eased them off the tv which they weren’t watching much anyway. I bought them books, tapes, skates and bikes. I did NOT want them sitting in front of a TV or ever watching unsupervised. I told them the TV was my toy, and Mommy bought all these toys for you. They were very busy with their jewish tapes and books and the learned to read very early. They were also very active and athletic.

    So you can start when they are young and say, TV is a waste of time and energy. It is much healthier to be outdoors and be active. It is much smarter to choose a book to read than stick your nose into an “dummy box”. You should learn to think for yourself and not let what a “dummy box” tells you influence you, because all they want to do is convince you to buy whatever they are trying to sell.

    Try not to get into the religious issues so they don’t have THAT discussion. If they are taught that “WE choose NOT to do that”, which is absolutely true, then that is a choice. They choose to do that, and that is their choice. Who knows, maybe your kids will influence them by shlepping them outside and talking about the books they read and so on. Maybe they will see the foolishness in all the programs they think are so important.

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