November 14, 2011 3:12 am at 3:12 am #600508HaLeiViParticipant
That’s the title of an article in Mishpacha that someone showed me. It’s about the phenomenon of heckling, or bashing, a Choson at his Sheva Brachos. In the article it was devastating to the Choson and the Kallah, who now learned about how ‘terrible’ he was.
At all Sheva Brachos that I’ve been to all the speakers praise the Chosson, Kalla and families whether they atually know them or not. Sometimes they resort to how they can tell on the face what a great person the Chosson is, or if he married such a Kalla he must also be very Gevaldig. But I never heard of the Chosson being made fun of. Is this actually common?November 14, 2011 3:32 am at 3:32 am #826138deiyezoogerMember
Never heard of it eighter, geuss its common in some circles.November 14, 2011 3:49 am at 3:49 am #826139golden momMember
i read it too and was shocked that people do that u never know how that can effect the young couple of the in laws look on the chosen!November 14, 2011 3:56 am at 3:56 am #826140ZeesKiteParticipant
No. I haven’t heard of such.
I think I remember hearing (maybe seeing) somewhere (could be a Chazal somewhere), if someone buys something new, people who see it should praise it. Same for a Choson and Kallah. No?
Maybe people should turn their thunk on before operating mouth.November 14, 2011 4:04 am at 4:04 am #826141☕️coffee addictParticipant
it’s a gemara in kesubos
by Kallah Naeh Vachasudah (second perek)November 14, 2011 4:06 am at 4:06 am #826142
anyone who would take part in something like this should
be shunned, or whatever. What absolute …..!November 14, 2011 4:11 am at 4:11 am #826143am yisrael chaiParticipant
Consider yourselves lucky that you haven’t seen this. The first time I heard it, I looked around to see people’s reactions…they were laughing. At the choson’s expense.
Roasting anyone is not a heimishe concept.
Simchas choson v’kalah is to be mesamayach them and not at their expense.November 14, 2011 4:15 am at 4:15 am #826144cleverjewishpunMember
Or this is just another case of “crying wolf” and instead of good natured jabs, it turns into another “crisis!”November 14, 2011 4:34 am at 4:34 am #826145charlie brownMember
unfortunately I’ve seen this too. Sometimes young speakers seem to be focused more on getting laughs from the audience than about being mesameach chasan and its not always a crying wolf scenario. I was at one ofruf (spelling?) where the choson was terrified after a speech that his new shver-to-be will have misgivings about the shidduch. All his chesronos were exaggerated to make the speech funny but it made the chasan sound like an idiot.November 14, 2011 4:34 am at 4:34 am #826146
good natured jabs!?
such, if they are ever a good idea, belong only between
close people who know each other well.
Never in company! at a marriage each side is first getting to know the other, as are the choson kallah themselves. To start them off with a negative idea is outrageous.November 14, 2011 4:40 am at 4:40 am #826147Dr. PepperParticipant
At my brothers Aufroff someone brought up an old story that my parents never knew about. He also went into extreme detail and grossly exaggerated the whole incident. (The story itself, while nothing to brag about, was a mistake anyone could make- but my brother did an excellent job at hiding it for years. The exaggerated story made him look like a fool in front of his family and future family.)
My parents were very annoyed and although the whole place was laughing- my father who was sitting next to my brother said he had this look on his face like he couldn’t wait until the guy would finish.
So yes, it does happen but hopefully not that often.November 14, 2011 4:43 am at 4:43 am #826148charlie brownMember
Maybe people should turn their thunk on before operating mouth.
Zeeskite, great line! And so true!November 14, 2011 4:49 am at 4:49 am #826149
my hashem save my family and all yisroel from such rashoim.November 14, 2011 6:19 am at 6:19 am #826150HaLeiViParticipant
ZeesKite, you probably saw that on the basket blog.November 14, 2011 2:34 pm at 2:34 pm #826151mommamia22Participant
I saw this happen at a wedding. My own. My husband’s friends wrote a silly rhyme about us to entertain the guests. In the middle they began ridiculing the extent of the efforts I went to to make the simcha nice. I felt ashamed. They never knew. My husband laughed. He thought it was funny. Humor gone too far.November 14, 2011 3:18 pm at 3:18 pm #826152
just one more sentence or two since I used very harsh language.
Let’s distinguish between the BAD:
Someone who was careless, did not think before he spoke and said something he should not have.
the UGLY which is what I thought this thread started out with:
A deliberate use of the sheva brochos as a roast .
I had never heard of this practice and I am shocked at the horrible idea. Does this exist? If it does let’s all do what we can to kill it.November 14, 2011 4:00 pm at 4:00 pm #826153old manParticipant
This phenomenon is well known, although I am glad that many of you have not seen it. It is due to a lack of social intelligence, mostly caused by a lack of interaction with the “other”. If one spends his time (like in yeshiva) only with his own, then one is incapable of understanding how “others” may feel.
How to change it? With great difficulty.November 14, 2011 4:27 pm at 4:27 pm #826154oomisParticipant
A good natured jab is not the same thing as being mevayeish someone b’farhesiah. I do not believe a Gemara in Kesubos would countenance doing such a thing. It’s one thing to talk about the chosson’s bad-haircut days in his youth – quite another to say he looked like Alfred E. Neuman, and we can’t fathom what the kallah sees in him.
If this is a practice today – stop it in its tracks. Embarrassing someone in public is = murder. The words cannot be undone, neither can the potential loss of dignity the person suffers, as well as loss of reputation. Even “grahmin” should be written thoughtfully and sensitively with gentle humor.November 14, 2011 10:00 pm at 10:00 pm #826155sem graduateMember
i was at an aufruf when someone got up to speak and said the following: “i was learning in israel with the chosson and it was his birthday so i wanted to get him a gift. i didnt want to get something like a cake which lasts a few minutes and then is history so i thought and thought and went to the store and got the thickest book they had. i then gave it to him so that he could put it under the leg of his bed that was shorter than the rest to stop the bed from shaking – i knew it would come to use for about 14 hours a day….” The chosson was not too pleased by that speech…. it was said in front of his future shver….November 14, 2011 11:17 pm at 11:17 pm #826156am yisrael chaiParticipant
a “good-natured jab” is an oxymoronNovember 15, 2011 12:23 am at 12:23 am #826157Anonym613Participant
I saw this happen once at a Bar Mitzvah. Someone was making a speech about the Bar Mitzvah boy and said things that really embarrassed him, and the poor boy was turning “all-colors,” while the rest of the room was laughing.
People really ought to be made aware that shaming someone in public is the equivalent of murder, and the “shamer” loses his Olam HaBah.November 15, 2011 12:54 am at 12:54 am #826158artchillParticipant
This is a ‘machla’ and has to be stopped.
Some people due to their own personality problems don’t realize that making up baloney stories and saying it with a straight face isn’t appropriate. Whoever sits idly by and listens to someone publicly embarassing a chassan, saying complete motzei shem rah just for the sake of getting a laugh has a part of the blame for egging him on.
I have been at simchas where the ‘entertainer/speaker’ was hocked up by someone in the audience who knew that the story being repeated was a bold faced lie and can cause untold harm. Minimally, walk out in disgust until the rashah stops speaking.
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