Shidduch and faith

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  • #602242
    sm29
    Participant

    Usually when i’m in a relationship, I’m worried will it work, will it not. I don’t know what to think. Recently, I read an article that mentioned that if it’s beshert, it will work because it’s Hashem’s will. And if it doesn’t, then it’s not meant to. The author also says that we also have free will and can reject the person. So we should pray to have clarity and know who is for us, and our beshert should also know we are for them. I use to pray for a specific one to be, but the author says don’t. Good point since G-d might have other plans.

    Now I decided the next one that comes, I shouldn’t worry too much will it work or not. Just trust that if it’s beshert it’ll work, and if it’s not, then it’s for the best that it doesn’t.

    later, I was reading an inspiring email message that says diff things. And this time it mentioned about waiting, and through that, learning to trust Hashem

    #854290
    LSH
    Member

    Being a Jew is an interesting adventure. We find ourselves in different “life squares”. I find sometimes that we tend to focus on our closed doors or that we have less open doors than others. Because we are individuals and our lives have been tailor made for us we have to believe that after trying our best to acheive what are called “The G-dly Goals” like…we find that we are unable to. Of course this doesn’t prevent us from forfilling other G-dly Goals but what happens is that other people might not let us appreciate the doors that have been left open for us and then we don’t feel so positive about them. For example the fact that you’re not married means you can do more community work or learn. There is so much meaning in the life of a Jew. Even our breath has meaning. Good Luck in your search. You’re part of the “Chosen People” (Baruch Atah Hashem Shay Lo Asahni Goy).

    #854291
    BTGuy
    Participant

    Hi sm29.

    You are a very thoughtful and introspective person.

    Life is complex, and the knowledge you are coming across in your situation, although confusing, is all leading up to a wisdom that you would not have if you did not spend this time toiling in making heads and tails of things.

    Hatzlacha!!

    #854292
    big deal
    Participant

    Sorry to hear about the difficult time you’re having. Specifically during the most difficult times in my life when I let Hashem do the worrying and the work are the times I felt the most free of pressure. Now that you yourself has come to the realization, sit back take a deep breath and take the time to really enjoy life as it is pressure free. It really is exhilarating.

    Hatzlacha Raba

    #854293
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I do not agree with that article. you don’t say what the email said, so I don’t know if I agree with it either.

    #854294
    sm29
    Participant

    I’m sorry I didn’t give much details making you not sure. The article was talking about a question, what if you missed your beshert? The author says that Hashem finds a way to bring two people together. But what if, because of free will, we reject the person, not being sure that they are the one. Well you could call a shadchan and ask to go out with a previous person again, and if they are already married, then you know it wasn’t meant to be, and move on. To help us decide who to choose, we should pray for clarity so with Hashem’s help, we’ll know which one is for us.

    Later, in an email, I got a message saying that sometimes we are waiting for something and we don’t know why we have to wait so long. However, a lesson we should take from it is to learn to trust Hashem, that He has a plan and when the time is right, we’ll receive what we are looking for, like a shidduch etc. We should continue to put in the effort, and then trust in Hashem. He might answer now or later, but He knows what is best

    #854295
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    if it’s beshert, it will work because it’s Hashem’s will.

    The author also says that we also have free will and can reject the person.

    Aren’t these somewhat mutually exclusive?

    #854296
    sm29
    Participant

    It is a paradox. we have His will, and we have choice. So while a person might reject their beshert, Hashem can make another oppertunity for them to meet again.

    #854297
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Ok, so I still disagree with the article, but I do agree with the email.

    Also, the article is flat out wrong. There is no presumption that there is only one person in the world for you to marry, and that if someone doesn’t marry you that proves it wasn’t meant to be. That is simply wrong.

    #854298
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Hashem can make another oppertunity for them to meet again

    Or He might not. You’re making presumptions on Hashem’s will.

    #854299
    Nechomah
    Participant

    There are opinions that a person has multiple basherts, depending on where they are holding. It can’t be that only one person is the “right” person and if you say no to someone that’s it, you’ll never get married.

    You should for sure daaven for clarity and to make the right decision about everything we do in life, especially about shidduchim.

    #854300
    sm29
    Participant

    That reminds me of something beautiful someone told me about different besherts. They thought of it like days of the week. There’s are mundane ones and a really special one, which they called the Shabbos Beshert, really cute

    Also, i feel that maybe since Hashem knows I want something really special, maybe He’s waiting for me to be work on myself first before I receive him

    #854301
    more
    Member

    “Poseach es yodecha umatzbiya lechol chai ratzon.”

    I give all singles a bracha, If you say this pasuk in your tefilos with tremendous concerntration. I give you a bracha that whatever you are asking for will be granted.

    What you want will be what you need and what you need will be what you want. Amen! BEKOROV BY ALL OF KLAL YISRAEL!!!!!

    All singles, will stand under the chupa this year, no more suffering and no depair, happiness and glowing will eminate to and froing. ad meah vee’srim together with your spouse, in harmony unity and as Nechomo pointed out, CLARITY!!! so in short to end my rant Brachos and hatzlochas by one and all!!! AMEN!! may you all be zoche to be united with your zivug bekorov!! If I was by the kossel in this point in time, I would deposit this letter written bellow. I am instead putting it out to the oilom, in order to get a gevaldige koach hatefilla from the klal may we pearce the gates of heaven and may we all be heard and and answered what we need!

    dear hashem, I hate seeing singles by weddings!!!!! these lost lonely soals. so cold and frigid. A sense of happiness is displayed, but deep down they NEED thier own. unite them together. unite them all. I’m begging You Hashem. I plead with my all. PLease hashem Please!!!! Only You Master of all, Master of everything can help. noone can lift a finger unless Hashem decides.

    #854303
    Think first
    Member

    ” I hate seeing singles by weddings!!!!! these lost lonely soals. so cold and frigid. A sense of happiness is displayed, but deep down they NEED thier own”

    “Lonely soals” I figure ill give you translation for soals.

    (?oal) Ro?ia Montan? (“Rosia of the Mountains/in the Mountains”; Verespatak; Goldbach, Rothseifen) is a commune of Alba County in the Apuseni Mountains of western Transylvania, Romania. It is located in the Valea Ro?iei, through which the Ro?ia River flows

    You make as if a single person is some sort of nebach! Singles are wonderful caring loving people, succesful mature and whole list of other things too. They just haven’t gotton married yet.

    But yeh I get ur point, singles do wish they were married, but don’t appreciate having people feel this way about them.

    #854304
    more
    Member

    Think first-

    thanks google translate;) you always do much better than me in these short uf chings;)

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