Shidduch Checklist

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    Speaking to many of my friends we all agree that we didn’t end up with our whole list checked off. Each of us is happily married now. But we see so many girls/boys think they need someone with ala maalos. Realistically you end up with the ones that are very important to you, money, looks, brains, middos. It’s a different order for each person.


    Just about every married person I talk to about marriage,

    tells me what hard work marriage is.

    I wonder if more people got more of what they wanted

    in a spouse if it might then not be quite so hard to make

    it work?


    possibly, it just might be easier. but even if a single imagines a certain person. they can’t always know that the person exists or they’ll get to meet them. practically its hard to know if that person is really worth pursuing in the first place. I know my husband and I wouldn’t have agreed to date if we hadn’t met at my sister’s vort. our lists didn’t match up but we hit it off and the rest is history.


    I ended up with my whole list checked off.

    I didn’t really have a list.

    But if I did, it would have been all checked off.


    i agree to some extent, what on earth is so hard if its so wonderfull? shouldnt it be geshmak and easy(ish) i have many friends wwho shrug and say ” yea its work” and only one or two who say “its awesome” and that they are happier now then they ever were… i dont get it


    Yes, it is wonderful, and awesome, and I am happier than I ever was before. But it is hard work. If you think it should be easy, then you have no idea what marriage is (and you probably shouldn’t get married unless you’re willing to understand and accept that it is hard work).

    Incidentally, my husband and I do not fit either of each others’ “lists”. We never would have imagined that we would end up together. Sometimes you just have to give something improbable a shot and see what happens 🙂


    Who says that just because you get your whole list it isn’t work?


    And I made a list so that in 30 years from now, my kids will have a good laugh. Yah, my list isn’t that realistic, but we can all dream, can’t we?


    1. Who says everything on your list is actually good for you? We have a nice imagination and think what American Society tells us is good for us is truly good for us, but thankfully Hashem saves us from ourselves.

    2. Who says work means that it’s not as good? Its the hard work that makes you enjoy the thing you worked for. Easy come easy go. If you work hard at your marriage you can withstand little annoyances and not blow things out of proportion and our learn to be giving and forgiving. I think it’s actually the work that gives the pleasure and creates the love. The reason why parents love their kids more than kids love their parents is because the parents gave heart and soul to these kids and put tons of blood sweat and tears into their upbringing. That hard work is what creates love and a strong relationship.


    also heard of check boxes checked and miserable marriages.

    Best advice is go with your gut feeling, I’d stay away from any book or articles (have seen in previous thread called 1000 Questions before Marriage Book helped couple) it needs to make sence logically and even more emotionally.

    (your checklist is from the logical standpoint, I also read R’Lewenstein said he worries when the couple says they have no feelings, meaning it’s all checked off but the emotions aren’t there.

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