September 7, 2011 3:27 pm at 3:27 pm #599240
What’s all the hype about there being a “shidduch crisis? What shidduch crisis? No less people, proportionally, are getting married today than were 40 years ago.
(The only notable difference perhaps is that frum people tend to get married younger today.)September 7, 2011 3:31 pm at 3:31 pm #1133897tro11Member
bla bla bla bla bla blaSeptember 7, 2011 3:32 pm at 3:32 pm #1133898bptParticipant
Its not a crisis..unless its you / your child / your friend / your sibling that is still single.
(Honestly, Tomche.. where are you coming from?)September 7, 2011 3:38 pm at 3:38 pm #1133899
bpt – How is that any different than in the past? Or are you saying there was always a shidduch crisis in history?September 7, 2011 3:44 pm at 3:44 pm #1133900morah reynaMember
You don’t understand. There are a lot more people today so you need a lot more shidduchim. We are a growing population.September 7, 2011 3:46 pm at 3:46 pm #1133901
morah – And there are more people making shidduchim today than in the past. But proportionally the marriage rate is no less today than in the past.September 7, 2011 3:49 pm at 3:49 pm #1133902
So if the people are getting married (and they are), why all this hype about a shidduch crisis? All it does is let armchair pundits to give all kinds of pathetic “boich svaros” why there is a crisis that doesn’t, in reality, exist.September 7, 2011 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #1133903gr82bagrandmaMember
There are definitely more older singles, proportionately, than ever before.September 7, 2011 4:13 pm at 4:13 pm #1133904
Disagree.September 7, 2011 4:14 pm at 4:14 pm #1133905yahudMember
u all soumd like u did the math; wich i doubtSeptember 7, 2011 4:15 pm at 4:15 pm #1133906yovelMember
The shiduch crisis is the disparity between boys and girls. Average boys get more names than they can deal with, while top girls go for months (or even years) without the phone ringing once. The situation was nowhere near so bad when I and my frineds were in shiduchim (a yovel ago).September 7, 2011 4:16 pm at 4:16 pm #1133907yungerman1Participant
Tomche- I agree a portion of the crisis may be the desire to marry younger, although I dont know the stats from 40 years ago.
But to respond to your post, not all people are getting married.
Secondly, even if the proportion is the same, if for example 5% dont get married, 5 out of 100 and 50 out of 1000 is the same proportion. But 50 unmarried is a larger number, hence a crisis.September 7, 2011 4:33 pm at 4:33 pm #1133908popcornMember
There is a Shidduch crisis going on….like bpt commented…
unless you have a child, niece, nephew, sibling, friend that’s in the parsha you might not have a clue as to the crisis.
There are families with older children not yet married, there are families with 3 or 4 daughters in a row dealing with making shidduchim. What’s changed from the European Shtetl and even the years leading up to the mid-1990’s is that the dynamics changed.
Once upon a time before college (touro..etc)or higher education was introduced, the average yeshiva boy and bais yaakov girl (or similar)finished their Jewish schooling and got married…it was more of an insular world. Both were more naive and simple in the ways of the world. Also, the average class size in a frum Yeshiva back then was 25 kids. Today, each grade has at least 4 classes each with over 100 students per grade. (In the shtetl it was a miracle if your large family survived, many children died from dieseases that did not have a cure or pennicillin needed)
With the advent of college, girls are not so naive anymore. They have higher education, became more worldly, have college degrees, had a taste of the working world $$$. Boys have become more materialistic, wanting only beautiful skinny girls and finding a Father-in-law to support. Whereas, once upon a time the word DIET and MANICURES did not exist and plenty girls who were a higher size than size 4 and were not necessarily all “farputzed”, were Boruch Hashem all married bec. the Bochurim were more simple and did not have a criteria list up to the moon back then. We have now also added the many descriptive categories of backgrounds that did not exist once upon a time…like…Yeshivish, Yeshivish-modern, Yeshivish-with a college degree, Litvish with same above descriptions…white shirt, colored shirts…Kollel, Working boy etc.
Bais Yaakov, Bais Yaakov with college degree, Bais Yaakov-modern etc…These lists have added more pressure to the Parsha of Shidduchim. May Hakodosh Boruch Hu bless all of Klal Yisroel who are in need of Shidduchim to find their right Zivug BKOROV!September 7, 2011 7:16 pm at 7:16 pm #1133909ToiParticipant
i think the demanding bochur thing is over exaggerated to make them the scapegoat but i agree on the prob. ive got a 30 yo cousin who went to hadar, makes loads of cash and is frummer then most people i know. and she cant get a date.September 7, 2011 7:23 pm at 7:23 pm #1133910imagineverythingMember
Maybe some people haven’t matured enough to get married?
(and perhaps they know it…)September 7, 2011 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #1133911YatzmichMember
Here is the OP’s mistake,
While it may be true that percentage wise, the same percent of the jewish population getting married or not getting married is the same now as it was 70 years ago, however the fact remains that our population has B”H grown tremendously, and there is a higher number of people that are not married. In other words, today, that same percentage equals many, many more people. Hence the crisis.September 8, 2011 12:19 am at 12:19 am #1133912bein_hasdorimParticipant
please! say it ain’t so! Not again!September 8, 2011 3:58 am at 3:58 am #1133913
Yatzmich: Again, that would mean the so-called “Shidduch Crisis” in nothing new and always existed. There were always people throughout history that nebech never got married, for one reason or another.September 8, 2011 5:25 am at 5:25 am #1133914YatzmichMember
You sound like you’re either still in your teens or a stubborn old man.September 8, 2011 5:31 am at 5:31 am #1133915
Neither. Assuming you finished high school, you would comprehend that your original comment here doesn’t disagree with the OP. Given that you admit the proportions haven’t changed over time, it is no greater or lesser a crisis today than it was 40 years ago. There always were, and always will unfortunately be, people who cannot or do not get married for whatever reasons.September 8, 2011 3:22 pm at 3:22 pm #1133916HealthParticipant
Tomche – Your OP is correct, but your conclusion isn’t. Since the Frum population has grown by leaps and bounds, there is a Crisis because so much more people aren’t getting married. Example -Nowadays they have org. called Bonei Olam and A Time, both are for infertile couples. What – all of a sudden we in the modern day and age have so many people whom can’t or having trouble having kids?
I’m sure the percentages haven’t changed, if anything they have gotten better. So what’s the problem -why do you need two orgs. for? Because of the tremendous pop. growth, there are much more numbers of people whom need help; same with Shidduchim.
Btw, I need a Shidduch!
PS -Now that I brought up these two orgs., I’d like to make a point. These two infertility orgs. are totally free to the recipient. When it comes to Shidduchim, perhaps there are a few that do it just for Chessed, but by and large most that are doing it expect or demand some sort of compensation!September 8, 2011 3:59 pm at 3:59 pm #1133917cherrybimParticipant
“Shidduchim…most that are doing it expect or demand some sort of compensation”
Give me one good reason why you think that it should be free to the recipient?September 8, 2011 4:23 pm at 4:23 pm #1133918HealthParticipant
cherrybim -“Give me one good reason why you think that it should be free to the recipient?”
The same reason help is free for childless couples!January 28, 2016 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #1133919JosephParticipant
<bump>January 28, 2016 8:25 pm at 8:25 pm #1133920screwdriverdelightParticipant
<unbump>January 28, 2016 8:37 pm at 8:37 pm #1133921HashemisreadingParticipant
<rebump>January 28, 2016 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #1133922screwdriverdelightParticipant
Uh-oh. This calls for backup.
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