shidduch dating, advice needed

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    Smick – The Gemorah in Yevamos Daf 117a talks about this type of hatred:

    “And R. Judah? – Because one can well understand why a mother-in-law should hate her daughter-in-law, since the former believes that the latter squanders her Savings, but why should a daughter-in-law hate her mother-in-law! Similarly one may well understand why a husband’s daughter hates her father’s wife, since the former believes that she is squandering her mother’s savings, but why should a father’s wife hate her husband’s daughter!

    [this is the true explanation]: Why does a daughter-in-law hate her mother-in-law? Because the latter reports to her son all that she does. [Similarly]

    So you see the Gemmorah brings a good reason why a MIL hates her DIL, because she will eventually, if not now, squander all her and her husbands’ hard earned money! Now acc. to R. Yehudah, the DIL hates the MIL because she snitches on her. Well the solution to this is don’t do things behind your husband’s back and there won’t be anything that she can snitch on. But the main thing is acc. to the Rabbonim, just because she hates you, even though there is a tendency to hate back, you don’t have to. If you break this cycle and not hate her back, eventually she will start liking you (Kmayim Ponim El Ponim)! And this is the way of our Torah!


    I loved my MIL with all my heart, and she was bedridden and blind for all the time that I was privileged to know her. She was a wonderful, loving mother, who raised a wonderful, loving son, and that is all the reason I ever needed to love and appreciate her, though there were a myriad of other reasons, as well. Fortunately for my hubby, he could say the same thing about HIS MIL (who was thankfully neither bedridden nor blind, but just a loving, wonderful mother).

    MIL jokes are just that – jokes. There are some selfish and mean-spirited women in the world, and that nastiness is clear before they ever become a MIL. No one should tar all mothers-in-law with the same brush.


    yeshivabochur123: read adn reread tahini’s reply. and if you didnt get it yet, You Are Not Marrying Your In Laws! All you have to do is get along with them! It may be hard, but there is no reason to turn down a girl because her father learns with an artscroll! (no offense to anyone here. my father learns with artscroll and i’ve heard jokes about how kollel yungerleit think that artscroll is the baalebattishe way of learning)

    You dont want to turn down your bashert because you dont particulary love her parents.

    Smick: I agree with oomis 100%. MIL jokes are just jokes. i love my MIL. she may do things that are not to my liking but who am i to judge? she brought up my husband to be who he is! if not for her…where would i be now?!just for that she deserves my respect and love.

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