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October 8, 2008 3:52 am at 3:52 am #1237001
Recently somebody complained to me about the trials and tribulations of being in the parsha. Here you are, a human being, wanting sincerely to find your zivug so that you can continue the link in the chain.
Now, how many people here can say they NEVER did anything wrong, or just stupid?!?!?!? Not too many. Well we all make mistakes… at least most of us.
When it comes to shidduchim, all of a sudden, this person’s entire lifestory get set out on the mizbeach ready to burn! It’s a Pele that anyone gets married!
Well, the truth is, I am a big advocate of major checking out because there are alot of things that need to be sorted to make a shidduch and marriage work. Ok, so you get a list of people to call and check out Girl A. Now, let’s say you hear that Girls A used to go to Camp ABC when she was a young teenager. You have a niece who has a friend that went to that same camp. So you decide you’ll find out about Girl A from your niece’s friend. Mind you either your nieces friend didnt really know Girls A, or she didnt like her, or Girl A in those days was really a mess or wasn’t “with it” but has yet become a totally different person. CAN YOU RELY ON THE INFORMATION?!? IS THAT FAIR?!
I know that I have been called about people that I either knew of, or used to know, but have not been up to date on- it has gotten very awkward b/c i Pashut didn’t have the answers to put a person in a good light. I also had unfortunately the opposite. Someone asked me about a girl I knew back in 7th grade. She was really a great girl and I went on describing her as I had remembered. Little did I know that she had gone far from her tzniusdik ways of old and I ended up with a very upset candidate. I did inform them to check more and not rely on my word b/c I could only talk from way back when. Unfortunately they did not check more.
My point is tho… when the info comes through- can we really rely on it. We need to say that we aren’t qualified to give it and when finding out we need to not take everything as fact! If you here that a girl doesn’t dress nice or put together or to what you think your families “class” standards maybe don’t be so quick to accept it b/c you may have spoken to someone that…. or the girl may have changed….. etc
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