Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › shidduch probability
- This topic has 24 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by Gadolhadorah.
December 8, 2021 3:07 am at 3:07 am #2039241
would it be irrealistic for a 23 year old, sephardi, out of towner, law student from a divorced family with a modest income and modox background expect to find a good shidduch in in-town places? not looking for controversy, just the simple truth to not waste time.December 8, 2021 3:22 am at 3:22 am #2039329beisyosefParticipant
Lav davka. First off you a Male or female? Male will be much easier.December 8, 2021 8:22 am at 8:22 am #2039345
40 days prior to formation of the vlad a bas kol goes out and says plony to bas plony. Everthing else is irrelevant, it is already determined. now close out the threadDecember 8, 2021 8:28 am at 8:28 am #2039354ymribiatParticipant
Have you ready the recent article about the Arab who was able to find a shiduch in NYC? Joking aside, there is someone for everyone.December 8, 2021 8:31 am at 8:31 am #2039380tunaisafishParticipant
Beisyosef, Varvoos?December 8, 2021 9:33 am at 9:33 am #2039382
If you’re fully sefardi you’ll have an easier time than if you’re half sefardi (especially if that half is your mother’s side). There are a ton of sefardi shadchonim in NYC; they also want professionals for the most part, and sefardim don’t place too much emphasis on religious background… Moreso on sefardi yichus. Divorce I don’t think will be a major hindrance either.December 8, 2021 9:39 am at 9:39 am #2039400Avi KParticipant
What difference does it make if he is Sephardi? The fact of the matter is that the NYC area has the largest Orthodox singles pool outside of Israel. Of course, with shidduch sites, if you are mobile you do not have to limit yourself geographically. I just saw a film called “Orthodoxed” about a BT Chabadnik from Canada who married a woman who was living in Panama.December 8, 2021 11:12 am at 11:12 am #2039473ujmParticipant
Avira, why is half Sefardi, via the maternal side, a hindrance?December 8, 2021 11:14 am at 11:14 am #2039484
CS, no that’s not true go back and learn that gemaraDecember 8, 2021 1:31 pm at 1:31 pm #2039462
why beat a dead horse or a live zivik, it is alreafy determinedDecember 8, 2021 1:35 pm at 1:35 pm #2039535n0mesorahParticipant
Of course there is a good in town shidduch for you! But if you want a specific kind of good, than you’ll have to be lucky or look harder for it.December 8, 2021 2:19 pm at 2:19 pm #2039576n0mesorahParticipant
They tell me I need to get beaten up a bit before I get married…..December 8, 2021 3:15 pm at 3:15 pm #2039593
im a girl… im assuming it makes a big differenceDecember 8, 2021 3:15 pm at 3:15 pm #2039594
I agree with you, but theres a shidduch crisis. theres probabilities and I feel like theres so many “stains” on my resume. I hope not to be a statistic, and I know H runs the world, but im just asking if its worth even going in those grounds.December 8, 2021 4:09 pm at 4:09 pm #2039665
Ujm, it’s much harder if you’re nisht a hin nisht a hehr; sefardim often want only sefardi and ashkenaz (especially Yeshiva) are wary of sefardi backgrounds being less frum. That together with being a BT background makes it harder to get ashkenazi families, so if someone has a BT background and is half sefardi, and a woman…sefardim may be turned off by the yichus and ashkenazim will be turned off by the sefardi and lack of strong background.
Of course these are all generalities; people with much, and i mean much, more baggage/things that are deemed chisronos (i.e., emotional problems, abuse, past history of OTD, gerim, and much more…most of these things aren’t chisronos at all but are viewed such) get married all the time.December 8, 2021 5:10 pm at 5:10 pm #2039681
why all this going around and around, that was already done 40 say before the vladDecember 8, 2021 5:36 pm at 5:36 pm #2039688
Unless you are a 3L, would you commute until graduation? Obviously, there is a larger pool of both traditional and MO bochurim in a large metro area than some OOT location but these days, lots of connections are being made virtually.December 8, 2021 10:37 pm at 10:37 pm #2039703
Honestly, I would think in this scenario it would be easier for a girl. Either way, New York is the best place to find a shidduch no matter who you are. Although many New Yorkers have found their zivug elsewhereDecember 8, 2021 10:37 pm at 10:37 pm #20397042scentsParticipant
I am not one to give advice on these matters, but I wouldnt worry about statistics to determine your future.December 8, 2021 10:37 pm at 10:37 pm #2039706KGNParticipant
And you don’t just want to be married but STAY married.December 8, 2021 10:37 pm at 10:37 pm #2039709Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipant
Avira, where did she say “BT” background, she said “MO” background. “You have a right to your opinions, but not to your own facts”. Especially, Sephardim (as you are saying) do not have same prejudices as you do.
Serious question – what should be the shidduch. Historically, it used to be complimentary – chacham with ashir. Nowadays, the concept seems to be “same background” – “men and women are different enough”, probably due to divergence of communities. So, should a lawyer marry a lawyer – and then see each other and kids on Shabbat?December 8, 2021 10:37 pm at 10:37 pm #2039710
Cs, no it isn’t. You are making it up or don’t know how to learn a basic gemaraDecember 8, 2021 10:37 pm at 10:37 pm #2039771Yayin Yashan B’Kli ChadashParticipant
23 year old male law student? Depends what particular demographic you’re targeting, but should be a desirable catch with plenty of options. I would be very surprised if he doesn’t have lots of great girls to date.December 8, 2021 11:31 pm at 11:31 pm #2039787
“23 year old male law student….I would be very surprised if he doesn’t have lots of great girls to date..”
Yaylin Yashan. The OP is a SHE. Not sure why you want to challenge her gender identity. SHE doesn’t want to date “lots of great girls”.December 8, 2021 11:31 pm at 11:31 pm #2039794
AAQ, my mistake; I actually remembered the OP wrong and thought she said BT; wasn’t trying to shoehorn my shitos… At least not this timeDecember 9, 2021 7:41 am at 7:41 am #2039826Avi KParticipant
Ujm, what difference does it make which side is Sefardi?
Avira, why are those so-called “yeshivish” people bigoted?
Dorah, law students frequently have summer internships in cities where they neither study nor live.December 9, 2021 9:24 am at 9:24 am #2039887
Avi….totally correct but all the big firms hire SAs nearly at least 6-8 months in advance…If she doesn’t have an offer as a 1L or 2L for 2022, generally too late now but she might have contacts with one of the smaller firms. Being an SA doesn’t leave too much time for dating since you are expected to participate in many AH firm activities, although perhaps less so with COVID.
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