November 2, 2012 12:35 pm at 12:35 pm #605652
Is anyone familiar with any shidduch research service that can do a full background check into a potential shidduch, researching all the regular areas that is typically looked into about the potential shidduch and their family?
And can someone please list all the things that are usually researched and looked into regarding a potential shidduch and their family? Like ehlichkeit of the shidduch candidate redt and their family, yichus, hasmada, and what else?
This is for a chasidish-style shidduch where the couple see each other, at most, twice before getting engaged. So all the research is done before the first meeting.November 2, 2012 2:41 pm at 2:41 pm #907399rcParticipant
Yes. THe parentsNovember 2, 2012 2:58 pm at 2:58 pm #907400
rc: What are all the issues and things the parents research before agreeing that the couple can meet (beshow, date, etc.) on a chasidish-style shidduch?November 2, 2012 4:47 pm at 4:47 pm #907401rcParticipant
Well, I have never had experience with a typical Chassidishe “beshow: but since the young couple may only see each other one or two times, i would assume it would be prudent on the part of the parents to ascertain that this young man or woman has all the qualities they are looking for in a spouse for their child. Which are of course, middos, middos,and middos. I also assume yichus ranks high on the list amongst chassidishe families Basically the parents are “making the decision” for their child based on the fact that they know their child better than the young man or lady knows himself, since this area is very new to them, the parents with age old wisdom and life experience take the responsibility upon themselves to make most of the decisions so that all thats left on the beshow is to determine if the personalities “shtim:” its not that much different than litvish circles except that litvish cirlcles put alot more “faith: in their children to “develop a relaationship” before marriage, whereas chassidishe ones are trusting that their parents know what’s best for them.November 4, 2012 3:57 am at 3:57 am #907402
Is it true that the research usually takes weeks or longer before the couple will first meet?November 14, 2012 3:48 am at 3:48 am #907403WiseyParticipant
I dont know why someone so frum not to even go out is here on the internet unless those comments were only theoretical.November 14, 2012 8:13 pm at 8:13 pm #907404🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
try FBI and fingerprintingNovember 14, 2012 10:28 pm at 10:28 pm #907405icedMember
Syag’s sarcasm is correct. People should just marry for love and forget about background, family and/or yichus. Who cares? You meet a girl in the pizza shop, fall in love (or infatuated) and simply get married. Why burden yourself or her checking her out?November 14, 2012 11:08 pm at 11:08 pm #907406SaysMeMember
well, that’s one example of putting words into other people’s mouths 🙂November 16, 2012 2:10 am at 2:10 am #907407candy613Member
iced- I hope you’re joking… How about check midos, yiras shamayim, metal stability!!!! davening with a minyan 3 times a day (something that seems obvious but…) there is so much to ask and research and it is important to talk to the right people and ask the right questions so that you do not get into trouble later.November 19, 2012 2:09 am at 2:09 am #907411golden momMember
the best is to ask as many people as u can and sometimes even going back to the first people u want to know how the person asks on a day to day basis how they treat people if they r loud and agressive u wanna stay away u want to dig and find out all the skeltons in the closet so there are no suprises. you want to hear frist hand what they r looking for and find out if your on the same page what they wear what they r looking for there parner to wear what the family is like what kind of background and basicly everything and anything u can find out about
the best is to find somebody mutrial who you know who either know them personally or knows somebody whos a neighbor a classmate or davens in the same shul
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