Shidduch Worthy?

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  • #590030

    techie
    Member

    I know a man who is the biggest baal midos tovos that I have ever met. He is the sweetest, kindest, humblest, most sensitive person I know, wonderful with children, amazing kibud av v’eim. However, he is a baal teshuva and while he is very smart and loves Torah, he does not plan on learning full time and instead would focus on trying to support his family, and be kovea itim.

    Would you consider him? Why or why not?

    #650315

    Belev Echad
    Participant

    if i was looking for someone who would be kovea itim then of course i’d consider him. why not? sounds like a fine catch. if i was looking for a full time learner then i wouldn’t, but only because in general he’s not what im looking for…

    #650316

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    Middos are of the utmost importance, & sometimes you have someone who is

    learning full time & does not have good middos.

    Derech Eretz (middos) Kodmah Latorah!

    If he werent interested in being koveah itim, I understand,

    but if he wants to be koveah itim (for real), what’s the problem?

    If he supports talmidei chachamim he has an equal share in their Torah.

    not everybody is cut out to learn full time.

    & if they aren’t, it’s much better for them to be working.

    #650317

    onlyemes
    Member

    I am not sure of the question here. Does it mean to imply that one plausible answer is that this wonderful person cannot marry into the faith? That he should die single because he’s not learning full time? That it is reasonable for everyone to say, “No, I wouldn’t consider him, he’s ok, just not on my lofty madreigah?”

    If one is interested in conducting a survey as to how many girls out there are looking for full time learning guys, that’s fine. But it sounds like this story presents a viable option of rejecting him across the board. I find that unacceptable.

    #650318

    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    techie:

    What are you looking for?

    #650319

    tzippi
    Member

    Obviously i’d have to look into it carefully but for my daughter, quite possible.

    #650320

    oomis
    Participant

    How old is this fellow? How long has he been a BT, what does he do for a living (you have already mentioned the most crucial things in your OP), and what type of girl is he looking for? How interdependent with his parent is he and how supportive are they of his religious journey? I married a BT, so I am aware of the pitfalls but also of the privileges. It is not enough to say he is a wonderful person. (It should be enough, but I have learned over the last thirty-plus years that it isn’t, always). From all you say, he saounds like a wonderful guy. Not every girl is looking for a learner, and someone who is koveya itim would make many girls extremely happy, because they want their husband to provide for them and be home with them at night to interact with the kids, while at the same time setting aside specific time for learning. Every one is different, but there is a hand for every glove. Maybe he should get involved with a group like Hineni which has made many shidduchim for baalei teshuvah. A girl in the same parsha as he might be a good match for him. Hatzlacha rabba.

    #650321

    shaatra
    Member

    Forsure I would, don’t see a reason not to because its exactly what I’m looking for. Only reason I wouldn’t is because he’s not in my community…

    #650322

    feivel
    Participant

    there is no question here!

    if this is what the kallah wants, he is potentially perfect, try him out.

    if this is not what the kallah wants, pass him by

    techie: if you have a question you would like to be discussed, what is your question?

    #650323

    jphone
    Member

    Techie: Are you looking for a shidduch?

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