Shidduchim

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  • #1798741

    #RealAvreich
    Participant

    We are out of towners, should my 19 year old (basically 20 years old) son who is a serious Yeshiva Bachur feels that this is the age he wishes to start shidduchim, is it correct to encourage him to start now???

    #1798799

    Joseph
    Participant

    Yes. The earlier the better.

    #1798805

    hashemisone1
    Participant

    This is a massive decision….one that will change your sons life forever…..this is absolutely the WRONG place to asking this question! Ask your rav or your sons Rebbi NOT total strangers who don’t know anything about your son!!!

    #1798886

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    As Reb Yosef noted, he is probably 4-5 yearis too late…..all the good girls are gone

    #1798912

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    On a serious note, your son is probably the one who knows best whether he is “ready”. The pressure some would place on our young men and women to marry “as early as possible” creates unnecessary stress. Your son should have much hatzlacha and find a wonderful girl with whom to build a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel.

    #1798911

    funnybone
    Participant

    +1 Hasemisone1

    #1798930

    USnebech
    Participant

    Hashemisone1 has a very valid point.
    If u do not have a דעת תורה connection till today, this would be a wonderful opportunity to create one.
    Not only is his future dependent on what decision is made, so are all his future dependents directly affected.
    Parent’s consulting with a Rebbe of the child concerned, are logging in to Siyato Dishmayo.
    Wishing you loads.

    #1798950

    USnebech
    Participant

    A teenager rarely possesses the שקול הדעת to make such a far reaching decision.
    He / she should make a list of their pros and cons which should be used to make a educated decision.

    #1799102

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    If a young man lacks the” שקול הדעת” to make such a far reaching decision, than he shouldn’t be pushed to marry and start a family.

    #1799363

    devny
    Participant

    Why didn’t you push him to start shidduchim when he was bar mitzvah??? You’re waaay too late, my friend. At this point, your son is an older single, nebach.

    #1799385

    NKChossid612
    Participant

    Chances are if your alter bochur son is 19 years old and wants to get married now, you should seek professional help. No one should start shidduchim after 18.

    #1799389

    Joseph
    Participant

    Chazal didn’t tell us Shemone Esrei L’Chuppa just for kicks.

    #1799442

    Phil
    Participant

    #RealAvreich,

    Please heed hashemisone1’s wise advice and discuss this vital matter only with people who know your family and your son very well. Don’t pay any attention to the trolls on this site who neither know nor care about you, especially since you probably know way more halacha than they do. Believe me, that wouldn’t be very hard.

    May your son find his proper zivug when he’s truly ready and build a BN”B!

    #1799401

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Reb Yosef: Edited-tactless 🤨 Thus, there are many meforshim who opine that “18” really can be read as 18-20 YO and even then, that is when they should START looking for their beschert, not that they MUST be married as of the date they can legally purchase their first beer at the kiddush club (on chol ha’moed of course).

    #1799502

    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    I don’t know the truth of this story, they asked the Satmar Rav ztz’l if there is a chasan and a bar mitzva who gets maftir? He answered, whoever is older.

    #1799509

    ZionGate
    Participant

    RealAvreich,
    Your’re not real nor an avreich. I can smell you a mile away.
    You’re not from outta town, you’re from BP/Kensington… Take your meds.

    #1799517

    ZionGate
    Participant

    Hey Joseph, when enough, enough ?
    From a psycho point of view, what exactly gets your high posing as RealAvreich then arguing with yourself as hashemis1 and USneb?
    You have a sick contempt for us posters , don’t you?

    #1799524

    Libbi
    Participant

    All orthodox Yiden all over the world, in Erets Yisroel, & Europe are in Shidduchim @ 20. Chazon Ishnikes, & Chasidim are in Shidduchim @ age 18. Is it only the American Shoitim that are not mature till 23, or is it American Goyishkeit that seeped into the Yeshivish system that allows them to do Avairos till age 23?
    Boys waiting till 23 are transgressing;
    Velo Sosuru Ve`Achrai Ainaichem
    Avairos mentioned in the begining of Tefilath ZakeH
    Velo Samod Al dam Raiyecho as per Rav Shteinman, Rav Elyoshov, Rav Auerbach Zichroinom Licrocha
    Of course he should enter Shidduchim if he is an Orthodox Yid.
    Hatzlocha Raba

    #1799525

    Joseph
    Participant

    Zion, sweety, did you have a bad dream again? Your last nightmare was that I was the fellow writing in the TV Vues.

    #1799541

    bk613
    Participant

    Libbi do you really believe that calling all Americans “shoitim” and not “orthodox” is going to make us support your argument?
    The average American girl will not go out with a boy age 18-20. 99% of boys age 18-20 are beyond immature and not ready to get married. You can blame it on the “Goyishkeit that seeped into the Yeshivish system” all you want but it doesn’t change the reality that these boys simply are not ready this young.

    Side point, The American Gedolim don’t support boys dating this young. Why does it matter what the Gedolim in EY say? This is in no way to denigrate their gadlus and chashivus in any way chas vshalom, but we have our leaders here who don’t agree with this.

    #1799659

    ZionGate
    Participant

    Joseph- you know the deal. Is Miriam in the shidduch parsha yet? C’mon already… grow up, it’s time.

    #1801936

    pro geshmake yidden
    Participant

    ZION GATE
    DID YOU JUST INSULT KENSINGTON????

    #1801942

    Joseph
    Participant

    ZG; Miriam has einekelech, kenayna hora.

    #1802328

    ZionGate
    Participant

    Insult Kensington?? Cha”v
    Why, lots of temimisdig yiddalach live there, though you can spend a weekend there in 20 minutes.. Seriously, the people there are no frills, ehrlich, decent folks.
    Hey Bubby Miriam… Bubby Miriam… Bubby Miriam…Bubby Miriam… that’s unbelievable…

    #1805248

    Who is Miriam?

    #1805258

    Joseph
    Participant

    Our common neighbor.

    #1805297

    ZionGate
    Participant

    Hahahahaha…..
    And she wears a men’s up hat on Shabbos with a goose feather at the day seudah , but only in her home , for some reason. Can’t divulge more than that..

    #1806524

    bsharg2
    Participant

    Boys are ready earlier, its parents that get too nervous….let them start shidduchim

    #1807329

    Is he ready to commit to taking care of a woman, protecting her, financially too?
    Has he read a kesubah? Does he know what he will commit himself to in this relationship?

    #1807627

    Protecting her from what?

    #1808037

    meir G
    Participant

    more than a few points on why specificly the yeshiva olam is struggling more than others .
    1. shidduchim in general were always ” kashe” difficult as seen from chazal

    2. Supply vs. demand if 50% girls want same 10% of boys ( girls chinuch was matzliach in sheefos and hashkafa even if don’t fully comprehend ramifications.. the bar of what the girls are willing to accept is simply in very short supply

    3. Shidduchim is humbeling and there is a learning curve which takes its course .. beginning what I want and think I can get till more realistic expectations and therefore willing to consider a wider range

    4. Cultural sense of urgency as seen by chassidsh culture ( lechaim on erev yomtov)before boy goes back to e”y ( another zman can be away of avoiding “the parsha” additionally chassidsh boys have no where to hide there is no class.. for 20+ cant be out of sight out of mind

    5. Galus = hisgabrus hataavah shallow retzonos and focus on minor nuances & gashmius, girl sizes /pics
    6. Age gap seems to have some credibility as a partial contributor

    7. Mental health & horror stories have contributed to a much better awareness & labeling of weakness so people more perceptive & hesitant

    8. The more independent & intellectual the harder to match compare a square to an octagon – more facets need to match

    9. Where does the eibishter fit in all of this as one balances emunah & hishtadlus?

    10. Is the Process in the way; many well meaning woman groups spent 100’s of hours trying but bottom line very few home runs
    11. Yet so many shidduchim are happening daily and many many to people WITHOUT gelt, family, connections, looks , yichus, marks divorced families, , Otisville..making chasuna… so are there any ” rules to the game”
    aside from its bashert what else or maybe thats the whole story
    WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE ABOVE POINTS

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