Shidduchim & Weight

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    We have a big problem these days. We have wonderful, beautiful, amazing girls, who have good middos, are tzanua, are pleasant, and sweet, who have good jobs, and looking forward to raising a family,, and their only apparent (visible) fault is that they are not a size 2,4,6 or 8. Because they are not skinny or thin, they are viewed to be deficient in some way. And I find it amazing because these girls could have everything going for them, but they will be turned down and not even considered before a boy dates a girl with half of the fine qualities who is thin. Its so fascinating how today we support girls starving and dieting in order to get a date! What kind of unhealthy habits are we promoting? Is there something INHERENTLY wrong with the person because she isn’t skinny? Of course there is a line where being too heavy is unhealthy, but being to skinny is just as unhealthy if not even more dangerous. People assume that overweight people are impulsive and grotesque, where really many of them are sweet amazing girls who try so hard, diet 24/7, excercise all day, and they just can’t get the weight off. Why are mothers teaching their sons to be weary of the dress size of a girl? I find it amazing that mothers have the audacity to ask what size a girl is. Girls who are not “fortunate” enough to have a small build feel like less of a person because of something so superficial and so physical. I know of a girl who was 20 years old. and was overweight. A shadchan redt her a boy who was hashkafically NOT for her, he was divorced, and he had a child from his previous marriage… The shadchan told her that because of her circumstance (being heavier) she would have to compromise… Not only are people not redting these girls to normal boys, but they are also insulting them, degrading them, and offending them. I just think we need to think about the message we are sending when we hold physicality to be such a priority, and we downplay some important things that boys should be looking for in a wife like good middos and menschlichkeit. I also think the message we are sending to our children is that you are only worth something if you are thin and beautiful. This is chukas hagoyim, which is basically saying the more emaciated you are the more beautiful you are the more you are worth to someone else. I know that this is the world, and there is not much to be done about it, I just don’t think it is right, and many times you should not judge a person at face value, by appearance alone, and if you look a little beyond surface deep you will find something beautiful you weren’t willing to give a chance before.

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