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I’m a statistic…that is… a 19 year old Bais Yaakov seminary graduate fresh into the shidduchim market. According to the shidduch crisis information, I should be the most sought after by every age group of guys. So, why is it that I’m terrified? I’m scared for this world of all-powerful mothers of boy, cruel shadchanim, and the competition of all of my classmates and friends all searching for same ba’al middos and ben torah. I’m asking for some chizuk and advice as I start this period of my life.
Well, really the only thing to take comfort in is to know and truly believe that this new stage your beginning has already been planned out by hashem. As much as we have to do our hishtadlus, our shiduchim have already been hand picked for us, so if you keep that in mind there will be no worrying, no anxiety and no “competition” with your friends, because you know that your friend will get her husband who is right for her and you will get yours.
Dont trust in this shiduch crisis nonsense.
Iron penguin
Firstly although everyone makes it sound like there’s a crisis it’s mostly hype. There’s plenty of boys out there. I think that if you want to be matzliach most importantly you must Daven
a lot and really firmly put your betachon in Hashem. Also you really should know what you want. Don’t date a 5 year learner if you don’t want more than 3…whatever it is don’t go on a date before you know what you want. Forget about the peer pressure and what everyone else tells you to want. I personally know of girls who “thought” they wanted the long term learning thing only to find that after 3 or so years they are not so into it and now feel stuck with a husband who considers work a dirty word. I can’t stress this enough, you will be living with the guy, not your parents or your “smart” friends who will tell you what you want. Look into yourself and figure out what you really need to be happy and then contact a shadchan.
Ironp, you’re young. Without knowing more about your life, I can’t be sure of this- but I suspect this is the first real challenge you’re facing, aside from a difficult final or a baby throwing up on your new sweater while you babysat. The way you deal with it will impact the way you face other trying times that may come your way. Usually, they become more formidable. So stay calm & do it right the first time-
Don’t let your friends, or the glossy ads in your local paper creating (instead of addressing) the shidduch crisis paralyze you with fear and foreboding. You say you went to BY sem. You must have some background then in a bit of Emunah & Bitachon. I know, they’re harder to implement in real life than when you’re raising your hand and declaring how wonderful they are on a random sunny day. But now is when you need them. Open up your Tehillim, call a shadchan, and behave like a mentsh.
One of those “mothers of boys” you’re so scared of is going to become your mother-in-law, so a good start would be not buying into all the hype that turns her into an evil villain. Some shadchanim are not very kind, sometimes because they’re very busy, or not extremely sensitive. There are a lot of really nice shadchanim out there though. This is one area where you might want to get some recommendations from others. And as for the competition, you’re not all competing for the same chassan. This is not that kind of game. You’re trying to find the one person with whom you can build a beautiful home.
Which brings us back to the Tehillim I already mentioned.
Check back in and let us know how it goes…
Golfer as usual is the voice of reason and reassurance.
All you need is ONE boy. I think Hashem can handle that:)
tips:
you are who you are and don’t let yourself be convinced otherwise. don’t change yourself for others. if you want to change, change for yourself. not because you want a shidduch.
you are going to get rejected at some point along the way. it stings bad. don’t let that ruin your self image. not everyone is for you.
laugh a lot. this stage can be frustrating, aggravating, demoralizing and emotionally draining. but you can always find something to laugh about.
live right, I want to thank you for your chizuk even though it wasn’t directed at me. I recently went out on a date. I liked it, but the girl said no to another date.
yeshivaguy45: I can relate. its hard when you are not on the same page and the feelings you had were not dually experienced. that’s happened to me before.
there is someone out there who will appreciate you in the way you deserve to be appreciated.may it happen soon 🙂
don’t settle for someone who wont appreciate your full value!
Good luck and just remember not to get caught up in all the ridiculous questions about the type of tablecloth and dishes your possible inlaws use or what kind of head coverings the guy wears. And avoid paying to much attention to what everyone else thinks of your possible match. In the end its up to you and your date wether or not you are right for each other,
Hi
I too will be joining the shidduch world soon and all we gotta do is pray to Hashem and let him bring the one to us. After all when we are sent down by conceivement, He already decided who will be go who. Make sure to Enjoy it and bsorot Tovot.
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