Shidduchim Problem created?

Home Forums Decaffeinated Coffee Shidduchim Problem created?

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • Author
  • #2093888

    Having a personal interest in the shidduch scene as a parent of a single boy I have found that many young women that are 25 + having been dating a very long time and choices about proceeding to the next date is riddled with doubts such as, was boy #3 better than now boy #6, is #7’s middos similar to boy #3 who happens to be very handsome. I know that in the end, Hashem is the ultimate shadchan but if anyone can share what does “he is just not for me,” mean? My son would rather hear, not learned enough, parnassah not appealing, too tall, too short, not tall enough, too modern, not talkative enough…you see where I am going with this? We are adults, tell our boys and girls what went wrong to have some idea maybe to not repeat a faux pas?


    Hashem already setup your sons and everyone else’s son/daughter zivug 40 days before they were even born forget about the fact that now they are holding at around 20 or so years later since born. Hashem has their zivug waiting for them and can send it to your son immediately but is just waiting for each person involved in shidduchim to do their RUCHNIUS hishtadlus of Bitachon and Emunah(faith and trust in Hashem) together with Tefillos/Prayers.

    Are YOU doing your RUCHNIUS hishtadlus? Not just your gashmius hishtadlus of dating and speaking to shadchanim etc….?

    Start turning directly to Hashem for help in all your needs especially shidduchim that they say is a bigger miracle to a shidduch then the splitting of the Yam suf.


    The shadchan is telling you (or the girl is telling your son) that she liked the boy from 3 dates ago better than your son so she’s not interested in your son? Otherwise, how are you concluding this?


    Some strange reason, your writing sytle is a lot like a young bucher, just saying


    “he is just not for me” is exactly what it means. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with your son, just that something the girl wanted wasn’t there. Or she saw or heard something she didn’t want. Lashon Hara and Rechilus could be factors. It could be something silly like your son’s appearance or voice reminded her of someone with whom she had a bad experience – which has nothing to do with your son. Or her friend got engaged to a certain type of guy and she wants someone “similar”, whatever that means. It’s possible that that the entire circle of maidlach your son is seeing has skewed expectations for a choson. Also older girls (and boys) can become set in their ways with a very narrow-minded view of who their bashert will be. There’s nothing to worry about. Tell your son to keep dating – the dating itself is a learning experience – and the right girl will surface.


    There was a story where some girls came to Rav Shach asking for a bracha for ashidduch and he told them, you already met your bashert, the problem is you turned him down for some silly reason.

    🍫Syag Lchochma

    common – that’s very funny. I thought that about your posts for a long time as well…

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.