Shidduchim… waiting for the person you have in mind??
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- This topic has 11 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 2 months ago by MDG.
January 9, 2013 4:08 pm at 4:08 pm #607751esther 1995Member
Say two people have each other in mind for marriage but are the same age and therefore the girl would have to wait for him to finish yeshivah at least till he is age 21. Should she wait or go ahead with other suggestions?January 9, 2013 4:12 pm at 4:12 pm #918259
There is a shidduch crisis. You should marry someone younger than you. According to my math, that means you should marry someone who is 16.
I know a 16 year old guy who would be perfect for you.January 9, 2013 4:14 pm at 4:14 pm #918260KovodHabriyosMember
This is way too vague to answer.
It also sounds possibly very problematic that they have each other in mind before they (or one of them) are ready for marriage.January 9, 2013 4:20 pm at 4:20 pm #918261CuriosityParticipant
PBA +100January 9, 2013 4:24 pm at 4:24 pm #918262NaftushMember
I find it disturbing to think that the current rules of frum human engineering might take precedence over a marriage between compatible people (assuming that they’re ready for marriage).January 9, 2013 5:01 pm at 5:01 pm #918263
If you are talking about yourself, then the two of you are 18. I think that you should speak with you parents and Rabbeim. It seems that there may be some chemistry between the two or you, but there is more to married life than that. You should really hear what your parents and Rabbeim are saying; and not try to put words in their mouth; and not twist their words into something else. (in other words: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in your asking guidance) In my opinion, if you get the go-ahead from all of them, then go for it. If not, then ask what should be done.
If you are asking for a friend, then apply the above to that young person.January 9, 2013 5:03 pm at 5:03 pm #918264
No, they’re probably 17, unless they just turned 18 in the last 9 days.
I say you should get married and then divorced right away. Then, you won’t have to get married so fast, and will be able to wait until he is 21.January 9, 2013 5:12 pm at 5:12 pm #918265
PBA, LOL. 2 great posts. You keep me laughing :>
esther, please understand that PBA has a great sense of humor.January 9, 2013 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #918266WIYMember
What makes you think he is joking?January 9, 2013 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #918267
Click on PBA’s name.January 9, 2013 5:30 pm at 5:30 pm #918268
To be frank: I don’t believe a word of what OP is saying.
The reason is that there is no community where her situation would make any sense. She asks if she should wait until 21, implying that the norm would be to get married now at 17. But, she also has a boyfriend with whom she has decided they would want to get married.
So, is she chassidish with a boyfriend? Or is she MO but wants to marry at 17?January 9, 2013 7:00 pm at 7:00 pm #918269
I agree that the situation presented sounds unusual (and doesn’t seem to match up), but it seems to me that the OP could be talking about a friend who is maybe 19 or 20. In any event, if the supposed girl in question is overly friendly to a so-called yeshiva guy, then there is a problem there (on several levels). I suspect that there is too much fire in their blood for them to think clearly (which includes presenting the facts clearly). Therefore I suggest to speak with their parents and their rabbeim.
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