Shidduchim – when you think your parents arent realistic

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    Being in shidduchim I’m sure all of you know isn’t easy and of course that said applies to different people in different situations.

    To some its family, my sister married someone more ___ and my parents want something similar. Or my parents aren’t that well to do either financially or mentally/physically.

    To others its just that they aren’t stable enough, don’t feel confident, or they just aren’t.(sometimes true and by some its just a mindset)

    Now this is where my mind is crawling, what about those that see nothing wrong with themselves or their family, they have a nice background, come from a bal-batish family, always happy go lucky, smart and handsome. Why would it be so difficult to find the bashert?

    Once its the shadchen that doesn’t come back with an answer, once its the parents that don’t want to hear that name and once its yourself that feels shaken up and drowsy about the WHOLE thing that you don’t know what’s right and wrong.

    I would appreciate if someone can break up the different situations and matters and try to explain why.

    P.s. read the title again.


    Excuse me.

    What exactly do you want over here?

    a mamin

    What exactly makes you think they arent being realistic?


    What are you talking about?


    everybody is lame?


    everybody is lame?

    No. Everybodody, besides for you. You’re cooool


    “Or my parents aren’t that well to do either financially or mentally/physically.”

    Is this English?


    Because it’s not bashert yet.

    brooklyn magid

    To know it all

    no matter how much we know or understand we can never really know why anything happens ,i don’t want this to sound like a sermon or something but there is a reason for everything and our lives and everything else

    that comes with it are in the hands of Hashem.

    i have seen families who have very noble and chesheve yichus , Rabonim rosh yeshivos ,as well i have seen big baal habatim who are wealthy and rich and so on even they had hard time marrying of their children , and on the other hand i have seen really simple folks ( if there is such a thing) who married off their daughters and sons on first suggestions.

    on the other hand i have seen smart intelligent people who have degrees in who knows what they don’t make too far in life and i have seen people who barely finished high school becoming wealthiest people over night.

    basically what i am trying to say is don’t give up hope ! daven to the one who’s is in charge ! being in the shiduchim parsha is very hard emotionally and physically nobody is arguing with that , whoever says shiduchim is easy never dated in their live , it IS very hard

    but eventually it comes .. don’t give up

    hazlocho raba

    ha ha ha ha

    all i can add here is a hearty GOOD LUCK!!! 🙂 you can do it!!!


    I dont understand the post at all.

    be good

    Apparently ‘’ doesn’t.

    (sorry, couldn’t resist that ;-)) .

    You might want to clarify your point a little better so that folks have an idea what you are talking about and what your question or topic of discussion is.


    Know it all,

    I’m sorry… I’ve read your OP three times now and I’m *still* not sure what you’re asking. Can you please make it simpler?


    The Wolf


    So you’re saying that many people have trouble with shidduchim. It can be their family insisting that they marry someone not their type or their parents not being financially well off or their parents being sick or mentally unstable. ???

    And then for other people, their parents are too easygoing or unconfident. Or something is “just wrong” with them.

    So you are wondering why people with “normal” “regular” families, with a good background, pretty and smart, and always cheerful, would have a hard time with shidduchim:

    Shadchand doesn’t come back with an answer

    Parents don’t want to hear name

    You aren’t sure yourself

    Well, according to the title, your parents are apparently unrealistic. I’m not sure what this has to do with the situations you described, besides for them not wanting to hear the name.

    What I will say is this: These are normal things that happen to people in shidduchim. It doesn’t matter where you come from and what your family is like. In fact, your family and circumstances have very little to do with the shidduch process. The One Above tells your parents to refuse to hear the name and the shadchan to not get back to you. He also put you in your situation, so He can get you out of if.

    Just keep davening, and try not to ask “Why” too much – it may take years to get your answer.


    by not being realistic, do you mean the type that’s looking for the “dream girl” like money, looks, brains… when your not that type? (more focused on midos, lets say?) and when a suggestion comes along that finally sounds good to both of you, your just so burnt out from the whole thing that you can’t think straight?


    You have to be the one to be realistic that all is from Hashem. Daven, daven, daven that you end up with a mentch because that is the key to a good marriage. Don’t feel that the grass is greener on the other side. People can put up a good show. Money helps and is important but what is it worth if you end up with someone who makes you account for every penny? If you want to know the truth about dreams, listen to Rabbi Yossi Mizrachi’s lecture on dreams, which does not include marriage!!! Hatzlocha Rabba on your venture. Listen to your parents but if you feel they are not hearing you, talk with them, at a corredt time and nicely let them know your feelings.Even if you feel like screaming, bite your tongue and keep quiet.

    If you feel they really are not capable of handling the situation, then discuss the situation with a Rav or reputable person, not with your friends or here in the CF where you don’t really know us and who we really are. We all sound nice and normal and sensible too but some of us may be phonies!!!

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