Inviting Singles for Shabbos

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    Hi- I am a regular normal single girl aged 25.

    I am writing today because I feel that the frum community as chessed oriented as we are, is lacking a fundamental piece when it comes to singles.


    Please I beg of you whoever is reading this, pick up the phone today or next week and call a friend or relative of yours who is older single. Dont assume because we still live at home or have loads of friends that we have shabbos plans every week. Many of us would greatly appreciate being invited to a warm, comfortable home, where can can meet new people or just get a break from our daily jobs and stresses.

    We like to be thought of. We know our married friends are overwhelmed and busy…but there are plenty of people who dont have small children with big beautiful houses and plenty of room.

    Please, Please remember us!

    Hashem will never forget you!

    YW Moderator-42

    Some people might feel uncomfortable inviting single girls if they have single boys at home.


    Reply to moderator-42:

    Perhaps if people invited singles for meals and put them in normal social situations, the male and female may get to know each other and a shidduch might occur…


    Hi, who is assuming you live at home? Wouldn’t the people that you are addressing (fiends of yours) know where you live?

    I 100% agree, I remember living alone and hoping the phone would ring! The worst “invite” is “oh, you’re always invited, call anytime”, b/c that is an empty invitation!

    But back to your posting, can you please clarify?

    Thank you!


    Moderator42:- Please don’t use lame excuses, especially on Tu b’Ov of all days.

    wy:- In which neighborhood do you reside? Would you like to come to us? & of-course with the High Holidays being only 6 weeks away, and everything coming out on Monday & Tuesday, this is a lot of days to cover, so feel free to touch base with us for an invitation.


    more importantly , how often is someone called insensitive no matter what they do

    YW Moderator-42

    To Bowwow and 147, I meant that “some people” might feel uncomfortable with it and perhaps that is the type of people she associates with. I was not giving an opinion about whether it is right or wrong, just pointing out the facts.

    Also, I was mostly referring to teenage boys, not shidduch-age.


    The worst “invite” is “oh, you’re always invited, call anytime”, b/c that is an empty invitation!

    This assertion couldn’t be more inaccurate. …. In the days I was single, I had such people, and I would call them say on a Wednesday, asking “How are you doing”, and almost invariably they would ask, “What are you doing this Shabbos? Could we have you this Shabbos”, and given that a host[ess] can have several or zero guest on any one Shabbos, but the single person can only take up 1 invitation per Shabbos meal, this method is sincere & very productive.

    Tzvi Hirsh

    It could be inviting a single person might make the spouse feel uncomptable especially if they are shown attention by the other spouse.

    I was once invited by a young couple whose small children were asleep and we all felt uncomptable.

    Best to have another guest there also

    YW Moderator-42

    Open invitations are good when they are sincerely meant and when the guest is the type to take them up on the offer. Some people (the OP seems to be one of them) do not feel comfortable inviting themselves over even with an open invitation.


    I have an open invitation with this one family and i take advantage of it pretty often (once every 4-6 weeks) i have a very close relationship with this family and the kids treat me like a family member.


    Some of us are very good about this, and are not lacking in this area! I know for me we have lots of teenagers, but depending on how old and what type the guests are it doesn’t always conflict. We have guests over a lot and love it more then anything! If you are ever in our hood you are always welcome!


    Before I was married, I had a job laining in a shul that was a 45 minute walk away from my house. A family in the neighborhood of the shul gave me an open invitation to eat by them when it was raining, so that I shouldn’t have to walk back home in the rain. And yes, they had teenage daughters (one of whom was my sister’s best friend).

    I’m sure that there are those on these boards who will say that this kind family was participating in the worst kind of aveira by having a single guy over while their single daughters were there. Suffice it to say that I disagree with them.

    The Wolf


    GeshmakMan -“I 100% agree, I remember living alone and hoping the phone would ring! The worst “invite” is “oh, you’re always invited, call anytime”, b/c that is an empty invitation!”

    While I understand your point -there is the other side too. People are very wrapped up with their own lives – so out of sight

    – out of mind. Right or wrong, this is the reality. The first time I was single -I called people up to invite myself. Now that I’m single again -I know how to put together a meal myself so if I feel like it – I eat at home – if I feel like eating out -I’ll invite myself somewhere. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. I admit sometimes it feels uncomfortable, but most of the time I’m used to it. The main thing in life is to try to be independent. This doesn’t mean only single people, also married ones. Of course we do depend on others, but the less we need to -the better.

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