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  • #1987052
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    shiduch for my oldest child. can anyone help?

    #1987135

    more info needed. is your child male or female? yeshvish? chasidish? litvish?

    #1987156
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    extremely super chasidish, girl. has a beautiful income

    my real question is, my daughter was raised in very strict backgrounds in school and even more severe strict at home, can explain if you wish, so is it better to get a boy from a open not so strict family or rather a boy from the same type of harsh strict up bringing

    #1987172
    The Frumguy
    Participant

    Despite your efforts, the moderators won’t allow any personal contact between posters.
    Hatzlacha anyway.

    #1987190
    ujm
    Participant

    Stick to a family strictly adhering to all proper practices.

    #1987194
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    UJM: > Stick to a family strictly adhering to all proper practices.

    what type of family are you prefering too? to any specific community?? a specific chasidus? or just someone who their methods and practices meet mine?

    #1987193
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    THE FRUMGUY: > Despite your efforts, the moderators won’t allow any personal contact between posters.
    Hatzlacha anyway.

    can you explain what you mean? have i tried any personal contact with a poster? tell me. mayby i did notice something.

    #1987241
    Participant
    Participant

    where’s commonsaychel with the Wikipedia page on trolling?

    #1987230
    TRUEBT
    Participant

    Making personal contact with a poster would mean asking the moderators to give your e-mail address to another poster.

    The question about strict vs. not strict depends on your daughter. What does she want?
    For instance, a Yiddish speaking Bachur from BMG. Very strict, but Litvische. Would she be willing to go on 6-8 dates before the engagement if she is Super Chassidische? Probably not.
    Would she be willing to move to Lakewood? Probably not. So, you can see that strict vs. not strict is not enough information. On the other hand, it sounds like she is financially independent, so she is already different than most Chassidische girls.

    #1987248
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    PARTICIPANT: have i hurt you? is there a problem with looking for a shiduch for my girl? what are you trying to hint me? i dont understand

    #1987264
    ujm
    Participant

    TrueBT: Lakewood is over 1/3 Chasidish.

    #1987556
    KGN
    Participant

    I don’t know the exact demographics of Lakewood to know if it’s 1/3 Khasidim.

    I also don’t think it’s ideal to mention the girl’s parental income because then, you’re attracting guys who want the income and not the girl.

    I won’t post any contact information on Shadkhanim, but there should be some good ones in Lakewood as well as Monsey.

    #1987696
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    If your daughter has achieved professional success and a really good income while remaining super frum and adhering to a strict set of midos, perhaps trust that she will also be able to find her own beschert w/o shadchanus. Much hatzlacha to her.

    #1987792
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    she doesnt just find boys out there, thats not our way we hear from a shadchan and decide if we should meet them or not, depending on agreements

    #1987796
    huju
    Participant

    need more info. good-looking or ugly? current income and wealth? professional degree, e.g., MD, JD, CPA?

    #1987807
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    i am not here to say all her private info. but her income is more than anyone her age, and wants a true ben torah, and will not compromise on any of her decisions

    #1987844
    Participant
    Participant

    sounds like she’s perfect for me.
    i am extremely good looking and have a great personality. i can do a basho tonight. does that work for her?

    #1987857
    ujm
    Participant

    What other “decisions” has she made?

    #1987884
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    PARTICIPANT: do you realy think i will set up a beshow with an unknown poster, do you match her qualifications? do you agree with her terms and conditions? is yiddish your first language with both parents? etc.? etc.? etc. etc…………………

    UJM: > What other “decisions” has she made?

    what did you mean by this??

    #1988010
    Participant
    Participant

    your loss.

    #1988011
    Participant
    Participant

    just a piece of advice: if you want your daughter to get married, don’t ask anyone to sign on terms and conditions.

    #1988021
    Participant
    Participant

    but good for you for making sure both my parents’ 1st language was yiddish. i actually know someone whose mother’s first language was polish and I definitely wouldn’t want to marry him.

    #1988022
    Participant
    Participant

    and there’s another poster on this site–I won’t mention his name–and one of his parents’ first language was Spanish and he became a Zionist.

    #1988119
    huju
    Participant

    Daughter makes more money than anyone her age? So she’s a Saudi princess. This is not the right website for her.

    #1988143
    ujm
    Participant

    huju: You seem to be confusing the Saudis with the JAPs.

    #1988162
    5TResident
    Participant

    I went through the Shadchan system when I was a young man in my 20’s. I learned pretty quickly that Shadchanim could only help you if you had at least one of the following qualities.

    1) You were very rich.
    2) You were a big learner and intended to be in Kollel
    3) You had a large family and exceptional Yichus

    Unfortunately, I had none of those qualities. My father died when I was 16 and left us no insurance, so I was not rich. Because I was not rich I had to finish my secular education and get a job as soon as I could, so I wasn’t a big learner and couldn’t be in Kollel. And my parents were Auschwitz survivors who lost most of their families to the Nazis and had to rebuild almost from nothing, so I didn’t have a large family or Yichus. So, as a result, most Shadchanim wouldn’t help me and the ones who did redt me girls who were not suitable for me (ten years older, et al). I finally married at 30 thanks to my mother’s friend, who knew a woman who knew a single girl. No Shadchanim.

    I hate Shadchanim.

    #1988178
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Some of these posts are borderline hysterical. You have a rare baas yisroel with a good parnassah on her own and also holds strictly by halacha and a “super” chassidish hashkafah and everyone (including her mom) seems to assume she won’t find her own chosson? Leave her alone and don’t make her crazy with shadchonim.

    #1988179
    ujm
    Participant

    5TR: Who were meshadech your children?

    #1988531
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    PARTICIPANT: > just a piece of advice: if you want your daughter to get married, don’t ask anyone to sign on terms and conditions.

    well, i have news for you, my husband married me with worse demands and terms and conditions to sign, and he signed. we are still married, happily married

    #1988532
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    GEDOLHA DORAH: > You have a rare baas yisroel with a good parnassah on her own and also holds strictly by halacha and a “super” chassidish hashkafah and everyone (including her mom) seems to assume she won’t find her own chosson? Leave her alone and don’t make her crazy with shadchonim.

    do you think that in such a super chasidish strict family and crowd girls find shiduchim on their own?? we use shadchanim

    #1988579
    rational
    Participant

    I am far from this hashkafah, but I must ask eishis chayil: If you use shadchanim exclusively in your chassidishe environment, what did you think the Coffee Room could possibly offer you?

    #1988631
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @ eishis chayil, she sound perfect for my nephew, he has yichis, looks, money, speaks a fluent yidddish. lets do it

    #1988624

    I heard there are Jewish dating sites. What stops the parents from signing up, indicating that this is for shidduch rather than casual, and search without intermediaries? Do we need a critical mass of people interested? Of course, can also make a separate site.

    #1988672
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    RATIONAL: > I am far from this hashkafah, but I must ask eishis chayil: If you use shadchanim exclusively in your chassidishe environment, what did you think the Coffee Room could possibly offer you?

    a shadchan is to help me find her bashert one. i am here to listen abd get advice about what type to choose etc.

    #1988683
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    COMMON SAYCHEL: > she sound perfect for my nephew, he has yichis, looks, money, speaks a fluent yidddish. lets do it

    do you think i know who he is?? how in the world can i know which of the boys he was redt is your nephew? is he willing to sign? ready for everything else?

    #1988694
    computer777
    Participant

    so is it better to get a boy from a open not so strict family or rather a boy from the same type of harsh strict up bringing

    Any mother who purposely brought up her children in a strict environment would never ask this question. In her mind that is the proper upbringing and also, she wouldn’t consider it strict. She would think it’s normal.

    And if you didn’t have a say in how your daughter was brought up, then why would you have a say in who she marries?

    Was she brought up elsewhere, and now she lives with you? It is usually better to marry a likeminded person. If you have think that maybe it would indeed be better for her for marry someone who is not so strict, you should be discussing that with your daughter, not with strangers on an anonymous forum.

    Maybe you did bring her up and had a say and now regret how strict you brought her up? If she’s ready for marriage, it’s probably too late to change that.

    #1988692
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    Lets see, he is tall, thin, cute smile learns in Israel, wears glasses, has siblings in BP Lakewood and Monsey, I hope it narrowed it down,

    #1988912
    huju
    Participant

    To ujm: (a) I am not confused. (b) I consider “JAP” an anti-Semitic term. (c) Saudi princesses make more money and/or have more wealth than anyone else their age.

    #1989255
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    COMMON SAYCHEL: > Lets see, he is tall, thin, cute smile learns in Israel, wears glasses, has siblings in BP Lakewood and Monsey, I hope it narrowed it down,

    oh, so what does this help me?

    #1989274
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    It helped narrow down the pool of eligable bucherim

    #1989288
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    okay whatever, do you think i should stay to some type of community or group? like belz, ger, vizhnitz, etc, or pick any that comes up?

    #1989296
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Eishes Chayil: I’m beginning to think you are engaged in a really good troll. Hopefully, by now, you have narrowed your search and decided to rely exclusively on the advice of one our resident CR shiduchim to find a husband for your beautiful, financially independent and VERY, VERY chassidish daughter. He is from a mixed family (Vishnitz father, Belz mother) but went to a well know Litvish yeshiva where he became a big talmid chacham (at least in his own mind) who is considering starting his own chassidus, but in the interim earning some extra money running up and down Eastern Parkway waving a yellow flag advertising the Thursday afternoon mincha minyanim at the Sloatsburg Rest Stop on the New York Thruway. Does that sound about right?

    #1989328
    Amil Zola
    Participant

    EC, why not discuss this with your peers in your religious community or ALOR?

    #1992968
    GotAGoodPoint
    Participant

    Eshes Chayil: You have here a dedicated team of CR peers who are staying up late at night trying to brainstorm for your teirer tochter.
    Please enumerate the list of terms and conditions that the choshuve choson must sign on, so that we can get down to work already.

    BTW, I’d love to know what T&C your choshuve man agreed to before marrying you, but that is not leto’eles – would you tell us anyway?

    #1993012
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    I think this thread is evidence of the absence of a shidduch crisis

    #1993118
    eishis chayil
    Participant

    GOTAGOODPOINT: do you think it will make a difference for you if i tell you?

    #1993316
    GotAGoodPoint
    Participant

    אשת חייל – Sure!
    (BTW, do you have anything to lose by telling?)

    #1993272

    To what degree do hasan and kallah have to come from the same shita? Is the ideal where both come from the same shtetl and have all same minhagim?

    There used to be an idea that rich people should marry daughters to students. Is it harder now, when everyone is looking for someone with the same opinion on everything, including how to work and what to learn.

    #1993334
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    If eshes chayil is indeed from a very chasidish community, i dont think the coffee room will provide her any assistance – be the ammunition for snarky comments? Yes, but helpful…no

    #1994185
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    See for Tu B’av, https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/promotions/1993659/video-got-90-seconds-why-is-everyone-talking-about-live-tu-bav-together-4-shidduchim.html
    Say Tehillim 32, 38, 70, 82, 121, 124, 127 and 128 where each has a reference to shidduch.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 4 weeks ago by Reb Eliezer.
    • This reply was modified 2 months, 4 weeks ago by Reb Eliezer.
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