June 29, 2021 12:57 pm at 12:57 pm #1987052
shiduch for my oldest child. can anyone help?June 29, 2021 2:11 pm at 2:11 pm #1987135lowerourtuition11210Participant
more info needed. is your child male or female? yeshvish? chasidish? litvish?June 29, 2021 2:52 pm at 2:52 pm #1987156
extremely super chasidish, girl. has a beautiful income
my real question is, my daughter was raised in very strict backgrounds in school and even more severe strict at home, can explain if you wish, so is it better to get a boy from a open not so strict family or rather a boy from the same type of harsh strict up bringingJune 29, 2021 3:48 pm at 3:48 pm #1987172The FrumguyParticipant
Despite your efforts, the moderators won’t allow any personal contact between posters.
Hatzlacha anyway.June 29, 2021 5:38 pm at 5:38 pm #1987190
Stick to a family strictly adhering to all proper practices.June 29, 2021 6:12 pm at 6:12 pm #1987194
UJM: > Stick to a family strictly adhering to all proper practices.
what type of family are you prefering too? to any specific community?? a specific chasidus? or just someone who their methods and practices meet mine?June 29, 2021 6:12 pm at 6:12 pm #1987193
THE FRUMGUY: > Despite your efforts, the moderators won’t allow any personal contact between posters.
can you explain what you mean? have i tried any personal contact with a poster? tell me. mayby i did notice something.June 29, 2021 9:09 pm at 9:09 pm #1987241
where’s commonsaychel with the Wikipedia page on trolling?June 29, 2021 9:26 pm at 9:26 pm #1987230TRUEBTParticipant
Making personal contact with a poster would mean asking the moderators to give your e-mail address to another poster.
The question about strict vs. not strict depends on your daughter. What does she want?
For instance, a Yiddish speaking Bachur from BMG. Very strict, but Litvische. Would she be willing to go on 6-8 dates before the engagement if she is Super Chassidische? Probably not.
Would she be willing to move to Lakewood? Probably not. So, you can see that strict vs. not strict is not enough information. On the other hand, it sounds like she is financially independent, so she is already different than most Chassidische girls.June 29, 2021 9:33 pm at 9:33 pm #1987248
PARTICIPANT: have i hurt you? is there a problem with looking for a shiduch for my girl? what are you trying to hint me? i dont understandJune 30, 2021 1:28 am at 1:28 am #1987264
TrueBT: Lakewood is over 1/3 Chasidish.June 30, 2021 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #1987556KGNParticipant
I don’t know the exact demographics of Lakewood to know if it’s 1/3 Khasidim.
I also don’t think it’s ideal to mention the girl’s parental income because then, you’re attracting guys who want the income and not the girl.
I won’t post any contact information on Shadkhanim, but there should be some good ones in Lakewood as well as Monsey.June 30, 2021 10:30 pm at 10:30 pm #1987696
If your daughter has achieved professional success and a really good income while remaining super frum and adhering to a strict set of midos, perhaps trust that she will also be able to find her own beschert w/o shadchanus. Much hatzlacha to her.July 1, 2021 10:06 am at 10:06 am #1987792
she doesnt just find boys out there, thats not our way we hear from a shadchan and decide if we should meet them or not, depending on agreementsJuly 1, 2021 10:36 am at 10:36 am #1987796
need more info. good-looking or ugly? current income and wealth? professional degree, e.g., MD, JD, CPA?July 1, 2021 11:49 am at 11:49 am #1987807
i am not here to say all her private info. but her income is more than anyone her age, and wants a true ben torah, and will not compromise on any of her decisionsJuly 1, 2021 1:17 pm at 1:17 pm #1987844
sounds like she’s perfect for me.
i am extremely good looking and have a great personality. i can do a basho tonight. does that work for her?July 1, 2021 1:18 pm at 1:18 pm #1987857
What other “decisions” has she made?July 1, 2021 4:11 pm at 4:11 pm #1987884
PARTICIPANT: do you realy think i will set up a beshow with an unknown poster, do you match her qualifications? do you agree with her terms and conditions? is yiddish your first language with both parents? etc.? etc.? etc. etc…………………
UJM: > What other “decisions” has she made?
what did you mean by this??July 1, 2021 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #1988010
your loss.July 1, 2021 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #1988011
just a piece of advice: if you want your daughter to get married, don’t ask anyone to sign on terms and conditions.July 1, 2021 9:44 pm at 9:44 pm #1988021
but good for you for making sure both my parents’ 1st language was yiddish. i actually know someone whose mother’s first language was polish and I definitely wouldn’t want to marry him.July 1, 2021 9:46 pm at 9:46 pm #1988022
and there’s another poster on this site–I won’t mention his name–and one of his parents’ first language was Spanish and he became a Zionist.July 2, 2021 9:20 am at 9:20 am #1988119
Daughter makes more money than anyone her age? So she’s a Saudi princess. This is not the right website for her.July 2, 2021 10:38 am at 10:38 am #1988143
huju: You seem to be confusing the Saudis with the JAPs.July 2, 2021 11:18 am at 11:18 am #19881625TResidentParticipant
I went through the Shadchan system when I was a young man in my 20’s. I learned pretty quickly that Shadchanim could only help you if you had at least one of the following qualities.
1) You were very rich.
2) You were a big learner and intended to be in Kollel
3) You had a large family and exceptional Yichus
Unfortunately, I had none of those qualities. My father died when I was 16 and left us no insurance, so I was not rich. Because I was not rich I had to finish my secular education and get a job as soon as I could, so I wasn’t a big learner and couldn’t be in Kollel. And my parents were Auschwitz survivors who lost most of their families to the Nazis and had to rebuild almost from nothing, so I didn’t have a large family or Yichus. So, as a result, most Shadchanim wouldn’t help me and the ones who did redt me girls who were not suitable for me (ten years older, et al). I finally married at 30 thanks to my mother’s friend, who knew a woman who knew a single girl. No Shadchanim.
I hate Shadchanim.July 2, 2021 12:52 pm at 12:52 pm #1988178
Some of these posts are borderline hysterical. You have a rare baas yisroel with a good parnassah on her own and also holds strictly by halacha and a “super” chassidish hashkafah and everyone (including her mom) seems to assume she won’t find her own chosson? Leave her alone and don’t make her crazy with shadchonim.July 2, 2021 12:53 pm at 12:53 pm #1988179
5TR: Who were meshadech your children?July 5, 2021 12:01 am at 12:01 am #1988531
PARTICIPANT: > just a piece of advice: if you want your daughter to get married, don’t ask anyone to sign on terms and conditions.
well, i have news for you, my husband married me with worse demands and terms and conditions to sign, and he signed. we are still married, happily marriedJuly 5, 2021 12:02 am at 12:02 am #1988532
GEDOLHA DORAH: > You have a rare baas yisroel with a good parnassah on her own and also holds strictly by halacha and a “super” chassidish hashkafah and everyone (including her mom) seems to assume she won’t find her own chosson? Leave her alone and don’t make her crazy with shadchonim.
do you think that in such a super chasidish strict family and crowd girls find shiduchim on their own?? we use shadchanimJuly 5, 2021 8:18 am at 8:18 am #1988579rationalParticipant
I am far from this hashkafah, but I must ask eishis chayil: If you use shadchanim exclusively in your chassidishe environment, what did you think the Coffee Room could possibly offer you?July 5, 2021 9:43 am at 9:43 am #1988631
@ eishis chayil, she sound perfect for my nephew, he has yichis, looks, money, speaks a fluent yidddish. lets do itJuly 5, 2021 9:44 am at 9:44 am #1988624Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipant
I heard there are Jewish dating sites. What stops the parents from signing up, indicating that this is for shidduch rather than casual, and search without intermediaries? Do we need a critical mass of people interested? Of course, can also make a separate site.July 5, 2021 11:35 am at 11:35 am #1988672
RATIONAL: > I am far from this hashkafah, but I must ask eishis chayil: If you use shadchanim exclusively in your chassidishe environment, what did you think the Coffee Room could possibly offer you?
a shadchan is to help me find her bashert one. i am here to listen abd get advice about what type to choose etc.July 5, 2021 12:07 pm at 12:07 pm #1988683
COMMON SAYCHEL: > she sound perfect for my nephew, he has yichis, looks, money, speaks a fluent yidddish. lets do it
do you think i know who he is?? how in the world can i know which of the boys he was redt is your nephew? is he willing to sign? ready for everything else?July 5, 2021 1:00 pm at 1:00 pm #1988694computer777Participant
so is it better to get a boy from a open not so strict family or rather a boy from the same type of harsh strict up bringing
Any mother who purposely brought up her children in a strict environment would never ask this question. In her mind that is the proper upbringing and also, she wouldn’t consider it strict. She would think it’s normal.
And if you didn’t have a say in how your daughter was brought up, then why would you have a say in who she marries?
Was she brought up elsewhere, and now she lives with you? It is usually better to marry a likeminded person. If you have think that maybe it would indeed be better for her for marry someone who is not so strict, you should be discussing that with your daughter, not with strangers on an anonymous forum.
Maybe you did bring her up and had a say and now regret how strict you brought her up? If she’s ready for marriage, it’s probably too late to change that.July 5, 2021 1:01 pm at 1:01 pm #1988692
Lets see, he is tall, thin, cute smile learns in Israel, wears glasses, has siblings in BP Lakewood and Monsey, I hope it narrowed it down,July 6, 2021 11:09 am at 11:09 am #1988912
To ujm: (a) I am not confused. (b) I consider “JAP” an anti-Semitic term. (c) Saudi princesses make more money and/or have more wealth than anyone else their age.July 7, 2021 10:50 am at 10:50 am #1989255
COMMON SAYCHEL: > Lets see, he is tall, thin, cute smile learns in Israel, wears glasses, has siblings in BP Lakewood and Monsey, I hope it narrowed it down,
oh, so what does this help me?July 7, 2021 11:29 am at 11:29 am #1989274
It helped narrow down the pool of eligable bucherimJuly 7, 2021 12:18 pm at 12:18 pm #1989288
okay whatever, do you think i should stay to some type of community or group? like belz, ger, vizhnitz, etc, or pick any that comes up?July 7, 2021 1:21 pm at 1:21 pm #1989296
Eishes Chayil: I’m beginning to think you are engaged in a really good troll. Hopefully, by now, you have narrowed your search and decided to rely exclusively on the advice of one our resident CR shiduchim to find a husband for your beautiful, financially independent and VERY, VERY chassidish daughter. He is from a mixed family (Vishnitz father, Belz mother) but went to a well know Litvish yeshiva where he became a big talmid chacham (at least in his own mind) who is considering starting his own chassidus, but in the interim earning some extra money running up and down Eastern Parkway waving a yellow flag advertising the Thursday afternoon mincha minyanim at the Sloatsburg Rest Stop on the New York Thruway. Does that sound about right?July 7, 2021 2:09 pm at 2:09 pm #1989328Amil ZolaParticipant
EC, why not discuss this with your peers in your religious community or ALOR?July 19, 2021 10:41 pm at 10:41 pm #1992968GotAGoodPointParticipant
Eshes Chayil: You have here a dedicated team of CR peers who are staying up late at night trying to brainstorm for your teirer tochter.
Please enumerate the list of terms and conditions that the choshuve choson must sign on, so that we can get down to work already.
BTW, I’d love to know what T&C your choshuve man agreed to before marrying you, but that is not leto’eles – would you tell us anyway?July 19, 2021 11:36 pm at 11:36 pm #1993012
I think this thread is evidence of the absence of a shidduch crisisJuly 20, 2021 11:15 am at 11:15 am #1993118
GOTAGOODPOINT: do you think it will make a difference for you if i tell you?July 20, 2021 7:22 pm at 7:22 pm #1993316GotAGoodPointParticipant
אשת חייל – Sure!
(BTW, do you have anything to lose by telling?)July 20, 2021 7:23 pm at 7:23 pm #1993272Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipant
To what degree do hasan and kallah have to come from the same shita? Is the ideal where both come from the same shtetl and have all same minhagim?
There used to be an idea that rich people should marry daughters to students. Is it harder now, when everyone is looking for someone with the same opinion on everything, including how to work and what to learn.July 20, 2021 7:48 pm at 7:48 pm #1993334AviraDeArahParticipant
If eshes chayil is indeed from a very chasidish community, i dont think the coffee room will provide her any assistance – be the ammunition for snarky comments? Yes, but helpful…noJuly 23, 2021 4:31 pm at 4:31 pm #1994185Reb EliezerParticipant
See for Tu B’av, https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/promotions/1993659/video-got-90-seconds-why-is-everyone-talking-about-live-tu-bav-together-4-shidduchim.html
Say Tehillim 32, 38, 70, 82, 121, 124, 127 and 128 where each has a reference to shidduch.
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