December 16, 2019 12:57 pm at 12:57 pm #1811097Emesseeker1Participant
I’ve been dating this girl for around 3 months. Shes everything I’m looking for and more. I always have a good time when I’m with her and there hasnt been a bad date. Everything has been going well, zero red flags. However, between dates I’ll sometimes miss her and sometimes not. I’m not sure if this is a sign of nervousness/emotional detachment on my end or if it’s a sign that it isnt right. I’ve never questioned my feelings or felt uncertain on our dates, it’s only when I’m not with her that I get nervous and I’m not sure why. What should I be feeling?December 16, 2019 1:56 pm at 1:56 pm #1811187Sam KleinParticipant
If your still dating her this long. Then it’s time to propose to her already. If she wasn’t for you then you would’ve broken up the dating a while ago already.
May Hashem give you lots of Hatzlacha and may you both be walking down the chuppa together soonDecember 16, 2019 1:57 pm at 1:57 pm #1811169lowerourtuition11210Participant
Ask your self the following…if she got on a plane today and went overseas for a few months, how would you feel? If it’s I will miss her and wish i can join her or that she comes back quickly? or no feelings at all? When you can answer this question approach your Moreh Derech.December 16, 2019 4:41 pm at 4:41 pm #1811205
There are two contradictory sayings, absence makes the heart go founder. or out of sight out of mind. You have to decide which one is applicable. Could be you don’t miss him/her because they are not really absent, so I agrree with the previous post to imagine going on a plane ride and thinking what would be your reaction.December 16, 2019 5:35 pm at 5:35 pm #1811247Shopping613 🌠Participant
I think it’s naturally to sometimes feel different ways.
As someone who is now navigating being engaged I’ve spoken to quite a few friends and I think it’s definitely normal. Feelings take time to grow and if you see each other a lot there’s not always room for feelings of missing the other for some.December 16, 2019 10:06 pm at 10:06 pm #1811282☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
You are over-analyzing things.
Maybe you have commitment issues?December 17, 2019 8:03 am at 8:03 am #1811353RebbeDebbieParticipant
Three months is a really longtime to be dating. Why haven’t you proposed yet? It’s not fair to string her along for so long without proposing. Talk to your rav.December 17, 2019 8:32 am at 8:32 am #1811366heimesheessence1Participant
You’ll probably psych yourself out if you date for too long, which it sounds like you’re doing. You won’t feel it every day per se, but getting to that point of love is commitment which is why your feelings will deepen after marriage. Because you’re not committed, you’re more inclined to jump ship and write this off as not having feelings for her, but it sounds like the issue here is you, not herDecember 17, 2019 12:48 pm at 12:48 pm #1811493banjobobParticipant
you should propose to her alreadyDecember 17, 2019 12:48 pm at 12:48 pm #1811501knaidlachParticipant
when you are dating your main focus should be to see if you share the same values and if you think you would like to spend the rest of your life with her/him. yes there should be also some feelings, but the real feelings comes AFTER deciding on the shiduch and even more after being married.
you don’t marry the one you love, you love the one you married.December 17, 2019 5:14 pm at 5:14 pm #1811537
I agree with knaidllach that love comes after marriage. It says Breishis 24,67 Yitzchok brough Rivkah to the tent of his mother Sara, he took Rivkah as his wife and came to love her thereby consoling himself after his mother.
The Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh gives two reasons why Yaakov Avinu loved Rachel, one, not because of her beauty but being his besherte, two. beauty was against resisting yetzer hara by not desiring someone beautiful. He saw her as a cheftzei shel mitzva.December 17, 2019 5:14 pm at 5:14 pm #1811538rationalParticipant
Absence makes the heart go founder?
Sextus Propertius the Roman poet is turning in his graveDecember 17, 2019 7:46 pm at 7:46 pm #1811648
rational, thank you for making fun of my misspelling. Your actions are very rational.December 17, 2019 11:33 pm at 11:33 pm #1811814knaidlachParticipant
great minds think alike
ברוך שכיוונתי לדעת הגדוליםDecember 18, 2019 1:45 pm at 1:45 pm #1811979rationalParticipant
חכמים היזהרו בדבריכם
proofreading saves embarrassmentDecember 18, 2019 2:35 pm at 2:35 pm #1812008
rational, you have fabricated a new halacha, if one makes a mistake (which usually happens by not being alert enough) you can embarrass him publicly.December 19, 2019 8:40 am at 8:40 am #1812212worldwatcherParticipant
Your feelings for your significant other won’t be consistent. Are you always obsessed with your friends or siblings? I think it’s unrealistic to expect to always be in that infatuation phase. You can’t make this decision entirely based off of feelings because they come and go, they’re fickle. So I would say make sure that you don’t have unrealistic expectations – marriage won’t make you happy or solve your problems, that all starts with YOU. if you’re unhappy on your own and think that this girl is gonna be the answer to that, you’re mistaken. The relationship is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Be concrete about what you’re looking for, don’t use your feelings entirely as a GPS. Mistaken belief is that when you find the one, that it always feels good.December 19, 2019 9:34 am at 9:34 am #1812215December 19, 2019 9:34 am at 9:34 am #1812216
To have a happy marriage, think of the mezuza. Some say to place it vertically and others say to place it horizantilly, so we make a compromise and place it slented. Similarly, marriage will need much compromise. It is called nisuyin meaning elevate. To have a happy marriage, you must place each other on a pedestal.December 23, 2019 5:33 pm at 5:33 pm #18133741Participant
To all those who’s saying he should propose, be quiet. Most of you were probably forced to marry someone. How would you feel if she ch”v wants to break it off. What is your background? If she is from a more yeshivish background, she might feel that she’s about to be engaged. If she is from a more modern background, then she probably doesn’t want to rush you. Have you two brought up the idea of engagement?
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.