December 6, 2012 1:34 am at 1:34 am #607275BustercrownParticipant
What behaviors in an adult would lead you to believe they were abused as a child?December 6, 2012 2:29 am at 2:29 am #915930farrocksMember
If they abuse others.December 6, 2012 3:44 am at 3:44 am #915931zahavasdadParticipant
This is NOT something for the lay person to doDecember 6, 2012 5:35 am at 5:35 am #915932JayMatt19Participant
Given your posts in the divorce thread, I’m assuming this isnt a theoretical, rather this is something you are concerned about vis-a-vis your own kids.
There are many signs of abuse however few signs prove 100% that it is abuse, as opposed to someone else. Take your kids to a trained mental health professional, and inform the professional that you are concerned about abuse possibly having taken place.
As for seeing it in adults, yes Joseph is right’ people who abuse were likely to have been abused as a child. But only about 25% of those who were abused turn into abusers. The other 75% all have different symptoms, some get the necessary help and use their abuse as a springboard to improve. Some deny it happened, some turn to addiction. Some turn to prostitution as a way of marginslizing the significants of the traumatic events
Good LuckDecember 6, 2012 10:22 pm at 10:22 pm #9159332scentsParticipant
Some therapists have the ability to see if the person has been abused .
Nothing gets erased from the mind, it might be difficulty to retrieve the information, however with training and expertise professionals have the power of helping people remember.December 6, 2012 11:13 pm at 11:13 pm #915934icedMember
With the right professional, it’s even possible to remember things that never actually happened.December 6, 2012 11:20 pm at 11:20 pm #915935MorahRachMember
Do you mean physically, verbally or sexually abused? I don’t know the statistics like some others here but I have a cousin who was verbally abused and berated during his childhood, and it definitely shines through now that he is an adult. He has trouble controlling his temper, he is very harsh and verbally abusive to his wife/kids. I know that is one example but maybe it can give you some insight.December 6, 2012 11:25 pm at 11:25 pm #915936The little I knowParticipant
Your comment was irresponsible. Before making such pronouncements, get some education. Here’s some (you’ll need lots more):
Among abusers, there is a statistically significant percentage who report a history of being an abuse victim. The numbers are not overwhelming, but matter in a statistical manner. Beyond theory, no one can document that there is a causal relationship here.
The figures for abuse victims who go on to become perpetrators of abuse is no different from what is found among the general population.
So the research does not help anyone very much. No scientific support for the belief that one can identify an abuse victim from a current abuser, nor vice versa.December 7, 2012 1:33 am at 1:33 am #915937popa_bar_abbaParticipant
If they post on internet forums.December 7, 2012 5:04 am at 5:04 am #915938WIYMember
Not sure this is a joking matter….December 27, 2012 1:13 am at 1:13 am #915939sw33tMember
But only about 25% of those who were abused turn into abusers. The other 75% all have different symptoms, some get the necessary help and use their abuse as a springboard to improve. Some deny it happened, some turn to addiction. Some turn to prostitution as a way of marginslizing the significants of the traumatic events
I feel like this is a misconception. If most survivors of abuse acted out, became drug addicts, or prostitutes-we’d have a lot more messed up people on our hands. I am not denying that a lot of survivors don’t act out- they do. But for all those people there are even more that just live normal lives- with extra pain.
I think behaviors people would have that would suggest they were abused: trust issues, fear of getting close to others. I would say survivors also tend to be more serious, sensitive, or emotional- tho that definitely is not a rule.
Also- some people live happy, fulfilling lives, and they dont let their abuse rule their lives. I for one never even think about my abuse unless the topic is brought up (and it’s been brought up a lot lately). This does not mean I’m in denial about what happened. It means I deny my past the ability to control my present.
For physical abuse survivors- i think a sure sign is fear of other people yelling, and fear of angry people. (obviously both in an extreme manner that is different then how others would react in the same situation)December 27, 2012 3:56 am at 3:56 am #915940147Participant
Any loyal authentic Jew who has had to endure the screaming of [a] Naturei Karta demonstrator
at a legitimate Jewish gathering, by definition also carries scars of abuse, for having his Jewish faith & believe come under attack.
December 27, 2012 8:46 pm at 8:46 pm #915941ToiParticipant
A black eye.December 27, 2012 11:14 pm at 11:14 pm #915942popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Not sure this is a joking matter…
I am quite sure it is. OP didn’t ask for any constructive reason.
OP didn’t ask how to tell if your kids are being abused. OP asked how to tell if an adult was abused as a child. OP is trolling. Thus my response.December 28, 2012 3:43 am at 3:43 am #915943RABBI ALMember
I can tell you first hand, what is abuse, being teased, pushed around like a rag doll, bullied, and it happened to me for YEARS, and the ONLY person that came to my aid, what a Psychiatrist, and I told him and showed him EVERYT mark on my body, who did it, why it was done, when it was done, and EVERY time I complained to the rebbeim, teachers, rosh yeshivas, it went on deaf ears, and to make it worse, the rebbeim told the kids of what I said, and then I got it bad.
The Psychiatrist arranged a meeting with my father, because of my situation at home, and the rosh yeshiva and his father, and the Dr. said it blundtly, if you do NOT stop the abuse, he will take the NEXT step, and any blood spilled will be on your hands, the Dr. was dismissed.
You see, already by the 6th grade, I was scratching myself, but NO one came to my aid, I was NEVER invited to a classmate’s home.
and this went on for YEARS.
My yeshiva had a dinner a few years ago, and they asked me to speak, but I told the dinner chairman, that if i go up to the stage, I will ask ONE question:
Why did you ALL of you, commit MURDER, the death of ME!!
The dinner chairman, told me that i was not going to be a good speaker.
I was pushed on the bus, in the bathroom, and since my parents were NOT the of the Jewish way, (NOT CHASSIDISH), I would get punished for it.
When I was already in the 7th grade I was asking Hahsem to take me home, there is NO life for me, NO one loves me, NO one cares for me, NO one wants to be my friend, chavrusah, and I only see pain.December 30, 2012 6:07 am at 6:07 am #915944locaMember
Rabbi A- Thats horrific. Im so sorry.December 30, 2012 2:42 pm at 2:42 pm #915945Veltz MeshugenerMember
If someone talks during davening.December 30, 2012 5:12 pm at 5:12 pm #915946tzarich_zivugMember
very befitting name you have VELTZ MESHUGENER
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