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maybe the chasidish boys who are having problems getting married should marry the litvish girls who are having trouble getting married? before you shout a automatic no! why not? ask an older litvish girl what type of chasidish boy they would be willing to marry, generally the answer will be the type of chasidish boys who are having problems. whereas the very chasidish boys who litvish/yeshivish girls would not even consider marrying are getting married younger to girls in the chasidus they grew up in. the ones who are having the problem getting married are the ones who don’t fit exactly into the mold of the chasidus they grew up in, whether due to learning in a yeshiva like the mir and then BMG, (look how many 25-28 year old heimish guys are sitting there waiting for a shidduch) or because they are working. those are the type of heimish/chasidish guys that an older single girl will say “you know what?,he’s not THAT chasidish, maybe it will work” and as i know from my own experience in marriage, the things you think get in the way , shtreimel,(even though some older boys will wear a hat on shabbos) minhagim (of which a lot of them could get worked out before and during marriage,) or schools for children can all be worked out during dating and engagement. especially since most older singles have the emotional maturity to look at things objectively and to know whats important and how to negotiate with people who are different then them, they will be able to figure out the correct blend of how they would want to live their lives together.
perhaps that is the reason we have a “shidduch crises” in both of these groups, to get people to get out of their comfort zones and to bring us all together in achdus. maybe it wont work for all, but i believe we should think about it. not the reasons why it cant work, we have enough of that. but lets broaden our horizons and look outside the box, perhaps the “solution” is there.
that is my take, let me know what you think. whether you agree, disagree or would like to refine the idea (and sefardim?ashkenazim would not be terrible either)
I know more than a few marriages between Chasidishe boys and non-Chasidishe girls. It’s been happening for a while already.
There was an article in Mishpacha a few weeks back making that point. I know you said we should focus on the reasons it could work, but l’maaseh, it’s out of most people’s comfort zone.
I do agree that people should consider it, and for however many people it works, terrific. I don’t think it’s realistic as a solution to the societal issue, though.
They say the percentage of “extra” girls in the Litvishe world is higher than the percentage of “extra” boys in the Chasidishe world. But it is also true that there are more young Chasidim than there are young Litvaks. So the question is how much the numbers add up comparing each sides extras.
Some would, most wouldn’t.
When shidduchim are suggested by people who know both parties, by default they are people who run in the same circles.
What do you mean by “by default”?
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