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ZeesKite,
I am sorry to hear about what happened to you.
One thing that I thought might be helpful to add: when a person is shocked, our reactions are almost instinctual. Almost everyone has an initial response to such an event, when the adrenaline and pain hormones rush out. How we feel right after that is our choice.
This is something I am trying to grapple with, since I have a long commute in traffic, and I have been finding that the frequent displays of meanness on the roads has been getting to me and reducing my happiness during the week.
Good reframes for meanness would be nice to hear.
When s/one yells at us we can:
1.consider the source
2.consider if even a kernel of truth
3.consider the agmas nefesh a YOM KIPPUR
My mother just screamed at me yesterday on the way to family court. When you get older you learn how to deal with all sorts of things. Maturity is dealing with adversary, not pleasantness. Some people never grow up. There is a European saying – A baby at 7 is a baby at 70. My Bubby A’H changed it for nowadays -A kid at 16 is a kid at 60!
Screamed at you? So what? Unless its your parent, spouse or child, its meaningless. Do what I do; each day, before going outside, I spray myself head-to-toe with teflon spray. That way I’m scratch-proof and water resistant.
Its a tough arena out there.. but don’t let it get to you.
Zees, I lived with someone who enjoyed a good scream at me every day or so, so I developed a way to deal with nastiness directed at me.
Look at the screamer in the eye.
Think to myself how awesome I am, and replay in my mind all my good qualities.
Physically- laugh it off. Think of something crazy the screamer said to you (there usually is something irrational said..) and give a lil laugh, even if it comes out more like a cry. It helps..
Notice how sad the screamer is, how out of controll and ridiculous they are acting.
Realize what a kind, sweet natured person I am that I would never act like this nut job..
“No one can make me feel inferior without my consent”
Works while driving, too.
The problem with this is that you are probably repeating the incident in your head over and over. You are probably trying to analyze why that happened. In truth, you are not in control why that person did that. She was having a bad day? She was in a bad mood? She wanted to scream at someone else and you happened to be there? You can’t control others, just yourself. So why not just forgive her for having a bad day and let go of it. If you were not at fault, let it go and stop trying to figure it out. If you were at fault ask mechila and then you will be able to let it go.
s2021 – What was his excuse for screaming? I can’t understand how people can scream at the top of their lungs on a regular basis.
Health- R u serious..?? Excuse?? I completely dont even know what to say to that.. BH u apparantly havnt experienced anything like I have if u cant understand..
I find the best way to deal with “lows” is to think about the fact that it is usually not like this and it will pass. And that when it passes it wont feel like this at all…
(If it is usually low, a therapist should be seen)
Sometimes, when I’m being made fun of, I think to myself, “the last person who’s opinion I’d care about is the kind of guy that behaves like this fellow in front of me”.
im sorry zeeskite…ive been screamed at by clients…once it was because **GASP** I printed his P&L on two pages!!!! oh no he yelled for forty five minutes, but u know what at the end, he was the one who felt stupid. a different time a client yelled at me because my boss didnt call him back or his return wasnt ready (prob because he didnt give us the info until last minute)….anyways i always remember what my teacher said in seminary….I AM NOT A WASHING MACHINE!!!! explaination…u cant just push my buttons to change my mood (like a washing machine) i am in charge of my emotions and only i can control my moods not anybody else…..its easier said than done of course, but u cant let others bring u down!!!
s2021 – Oh, I’ve experienced it all right, probably twice the amount of years that you’re alive. But even so, I still can’t understand it.
Oy, CShapiro, I glanced waaay too quickly at your tag and for a minute thought it said enema. I gasped and re-read it, then I was fine. Whew!!!
Ctrl Alt Del, thanks for a much-needed laugh!
lol thats funny…:))
My reaction is to remain silent, let the other person cool off. Usually that’s how it works. Unfortunately, sometimes the aggressor WANTS a reaction and when you don’t react it just heats them up even more. Recently, I was yelled at by someone whose rage escalated to physical violence. You need to constantly analyze the situation while it is happening. What does the aggressor want? How can I escape?
;
Someone Screamed At Me..
.. And I started to cry. Why?
Because you’re human (lowercase).
Health- Why? I can understand it.. Some people r just nuts.
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