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men: you may not understand, and that’s annoying. but just resign yourself to the facts.
I may be a bit more emotional than others, but when I suffer a major disappointment and there is a big hurt inside of me I need to cry. yes, I will pick myself up and move on. yes I will be glad to hear all the speeches in the world and all the words of encouragement. but first I need to cry.
sometimes, if you hold it all in and don’t allow yourself the great relief a good cry endows, the pain will just stay inside you, a looming tide struggling to erupt.
yes, one cannot sit and stew for too long and it is important to carry on. but there is no prohibition for releasing one’s emotions.
crying is part of the healing process. so let us heal.
as the lyrics of Nechama Cohen state: /I have a hundred million reasons why I should be crying but im pushing on/
I would like to make a change: /I have a hundred million reasons why I should be crying AND I’M GONNA CRY/…. (and then I will push on)
tissue?
hug?
yeah! That!
sorry, wrong person…! you can only take what comes YOUR way…:)
my post was in reply to the OP! 🙂
whoops! 🙂
Awww….so true! 😉
Hope your ok now! Everybody needs to cry,
what sort of dissapointment did you have if you dont mind me asking…
Btw welcome ikno, if you didnt see your welcome on the cr welcome wagon thread
Live right
I have been told that its best to shed our tears in front of a siddur or Tehillim in prayer to Hashem when possible. Tears can accomplish much when used at the right time and channeled properly.
Once, shortly after a particularly devastating breakup, I went to a Rosh Chodesh women’s kumzitz and started crying in the middle of all the singing. One of the other women took me aside afterward and asked me what was wrong, and I told her all about it. After I had finished my story, she offered some words of advice and encouragement, then looked at me and said (this was on a motzaei shabbos), “Well, should we start our weeks?” It was such a painful, but moving experience for me– the company of other women, the beautiful song, the understanding. I don’t really remember anything this woman said to me except that last line, which made me feel like I was validated in my sadness but that I could be sad, and cry, and still continue with my everyday life. I will never forget her kindness.
A well known, but still one of may favorite quotes:
“Crying isn’t a sign of weakness. Since birth, it’s always been a sign that you’re alive.” -Unknown
i dont understandm, you are writing so men should understand why you/women need to cry ?
Only time I cry at shul is during the yizkor when I think about my father.
i actually understand what you are saying… and as ashamed i am to admit it and you can ask any man there are times when i have so much stress for things at once and i mean emotional stress that i have told my friends that i need a good cry but i just cant, we just cant get ourselves to cry but we can understand the feeling of needing one… that is of course that we only feel that once in a great while, whilst women have that like twice a day from what ihear 🙂
when i say that we “cant” get ourselves to cry i mean physically we actually CANNOT get the water to come out of our eyes no matter how emotonal almost any situation is it takes alot to get a man to cry… thats just how the chemical balance works i guess…
ps. i really am not trying to come off all macho at all this is just how it is
Ihear
To a large extent men are taught that it’s not manly to cry thus crying is not an option and whenever tears could come the emotion is quickly and forcibly squashed. There are men who can cry and I think that a man who can feel others pain and cry for them is actually a very special and mature person. If you read about how the gadolim of previous generations daven ed and if you read seforim about the inyan of tefillah they all talk about crying to Hashem in tefillah. So it’s quite normal for a Frum male to cry and I think there’s a lot of value on working on yourself to the point that you can get so emotional by tefillah that you can cry if you so choose to. Granted some guys here may have no clue what I am talking about but I can say from personal experience that one can teach himself to come in touch with his emotions to the point that he can cry and be OK with it.
but it is unnatrual for a guy to cry regularly there is a reason a guy must “get there” and women are at that point already, there is nothing wrong with a guy who cries but there is something wrong with a guy who cries often or even more then once in a while/blue moon…its unnatrual and unhealthy
Let me add for all those men without kids yet, so you are ready for this scenario: after giving birth, female hormones are all over place, and a new mother will often cry for no reason during the first couple of weeks. There is no problem, don’t try offering solutions, just be a listening ear for her. Crying is ok.
Yes, it’s good to have a cry sometimes. And then have some chocolate.
“Just because women blame everything on hormones, doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
Well, women don’t only cry after giving birth…. hormones can also be messed up even before marriage and that’s what triggers tears. there doesn’t necessarily need to be a reason for it
I cry every year during Aicha …beggining to end. Also during n’eila. then my eyes stay dry the rest of the year. (the gemorrah notes that crying after age 40 is injurious to the eyes.)
econjew: I don’t want to sound unsympathetic, but on the Yomim Tovim that might be an issue. It’s great on Yom Kippur, but I have seen precedent where Rabbonim have told people who are emotional about it to not go to Yizkor on Yom Tov because it creates a serious Shailah of a lack of Simchas Yom Tov.
BD”E and I am truly sorry that you have this pain. You should see only Simchos in the future.
Well the only time I actually tear up is on Yom Kippur (which shouldn’t be a problem), but usually I’m too cheerful on other yom tovim to let it get me too down.
id much rather a really good sneeze than a good cry. sometimes i just need one of those lung-shaking sneezes that really tear at all my sinuses at once. ah! geshmak!
Yom Kippur Yizkor and ANY time Unesaneh Tokef is davened, always leave me in tears. I enjoy yom tov very much, but let’s face it, when we lose a loved one, it cannot help but lessen our simcha. I lit candles next to my mother for the 16 years that I was married until she died, and before that, always stood at her side when she bensched licht. Every time I light now, I am acutely, ACUTELY aware that she has been gone for nearly 20 years, and it pains me very deeply. But that does not mean I cannot enjoy the yom tov nevertheless.
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