source for not buying stuff for a baby before its born needed

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  • #599694

    jewishness
    Participant

    Is there a source for not purchasing stuff for a baby before it is born?

    Did you buy clothing for the baby, cribs etc. before you had the baby?

    People claim it is either an Ayin Hara or creepy. I honestly do not think it is creepy at all. Whats wrong with being prepared. About Ayin Hara I dont know. Have you heard of such a thing?

    #813824

    golden mom
    Member

    i think its ayan hara today if u go to the stores and pick out what u want they usally have it in stock and u can order it from hospital or have sb else do it and it will be in ur house bf u come home

    i once asked a rav i was in a store they had cute baby clothes on sale and he told me 1 if ur gonna loose $ or if u have nobody else to buy for u..

    i have nobody to buy for me and there is an inyan to bring the baby home in st new so i by st and i say whoever has a baby..meaning i could give it for a present

    #813825

    shmoel
    Member

    How do you even know boy or girl?

    #813826

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    How do you even know boy or girl?

    There’s this thing called a sonogram. It emits sound waves, and measures the reflection, and creates an image based on that which shows density.

    Amazing, I know.

    #813827

    golden mom
    Member

    a u could find our b u could buy both and give one for a present

    #813828

    I asked a Rav during my pregnancy. He said if I will lose money by not buying it now, I can do so, as long as it is not in sight until after the birth.

    Some stores, like pish posh baby, you can order it, they will hold it for you until you have the baby, and you give a percentage as a “down payment”. This was a perfect solution.

    But my suggestion is that you ask your own sheila.

    #813829

    GumBall
    Member

    I defenatly heard of that source… i actually heard a story once that a lady was pregnant and the husband bought a crib for the baby when she was in her 8th mo and she had a miscarriage…

    #813830

    doodle jump
    Participant

    When I was expecting my first, many years ago:), I just had a feeling that it will be a girl. I needed something to bring the baby home from the hospital with, so I purchased this pink stretchie with white ruffles in the back. The cutest thing ever. I still have it. And yes, it was a girl. I don’t know if I would do it again though. Ask a shaila.

    #813831

    old man
    Participant

    Gumball: For homework tonight, your assignment(what to do) is to investigate(find out) the difference between these two concepts (things);

    1. Cause and effect

    2. Proximity of two events

    Hint: they are not identical(the same).

    #813832

    Nechomah
    Participant

    Pba, there are many rabbonim who are against a woman having an ultrasound simply to find out what is the sex of the baby she is carrying. If the pregnancy is uncomplicated, an ultrasound is considered by them to be unnecessary. Not all findings from an ultrasound are accurate and sometimes parents can be told that there are problems and this turns out to be completely inaccurate. These parents had to endure the remainder of the pregnancy in limbo. Some people also choose not to undergo the test. So the question still begs as to how to know which sex to prepare for. The other suggestions given are very useful. With my last, I washed old boy and girl infant clothes just to be ready. I also felt in my heart that it would be a girl and she is. It pays to be ready for both but I wouldn’t go out to buy. I have a niece who had a stillbirth on her due date. She knew it was a boy and family was prepared to go to them for the bris. Really sad.

    #813833

    Nechomah
    Participant

    old man, I don’t think gumball was suggesting that there was a cause and effect relationship between buying baby items before the baby has been born and the unfortunate death of the baby before its birth. It’s perfectly fine to go window shopping and know what the mother-to-be has in mind and then hopefully the father can go buy the items after the birth. With my first, I remember running into a department store on the way home from the hospital to pick up the necessary items. I believe that I had bought just 1 stretchy beforehand, but this may not even be accurate and my mother may have gone out and brought something to the hospital for me to bring the baby home in. Not all women are in a physical condition that will allow a quick shopping spree a few days after birth, but hopefully some friends/family can pitch in and get what’s necessary, especially if she’s made some kind of a wish list online or something to that effect.

    #813834

    GumBall
    Member

    My mother after she ha a baby she puts on the same stretchy on every kid wich is blue and pink so that if its a boy it has blue and if its a girl it has pink!!

    #813835

    sam4321
    Participant

    Nechoma: Rav Chaim(Shailos Rav) was asked this question and he answered to look in Koheles Rabbah which says 7 things are hidden from people and the gender of a unborn is one of them.

    #813836

    commonsense
    Participant

    sonograms are not always right.

    #813837

    usa-tralian
    Participant

    sam4321: I saw an interesting twist on that Midrash brought down in a Sefer I have called Ashrei Yoladeto (I highly recommend this to anyone expecting!). He asks that Lema’aseh it’s possible to know today what the gender is -?- The Toras Hayoledes answers that the Chasam Sofer writes there’s a difference between “??????” and “???” that ?????? refers to AFTER it’s noticeable that she is expecting (after 3 months), whereas ??? refers to before (until 3 months), and therefore when the Midrash says “??? ??????? ?? ???” it refers to the first three months. [???? ?????? ???? ????, ???? ????? ??? ???? ???] I found that interesting 🙂

    #813838

    chanie
    Member

    Look in Koheles Rabbah which says 7 things are hidden from people and the gender of a unborn is one of them.

    The reason being, if the parents were unhappy with the sex of the child, they would have it aborted.

    #813839

    golden mom
    Member

    chani t i hardly doubt that in the frum world

    #813840

    golden mom
    Member

    once i had my boy and my girl i started getting curious and wanting to “find out” but i learned my lesson big time i dont think i will ever do it again! for a couple of times is was so cute to find out and mentally prepare.. the name and ..

    but as somebody said bf they thought they saw st and i went thru months of hell B”H it was nothing but the test the appts the presure the whats gonna be… its not worth it

    yes i probably didnt daven that hard ever but if was a very hard time in my live and being the frum yidden we are there is nothing u can do but daven and wait

    #813841

    MoMoMB
    Member

    sam4321 and Chani T- Check out the sefer Nishmat Avraham- (written by a talmid of R’ Shlomo Zalman Aurbach as well as a talmid of the Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasa)- who brings that very medrash and cites it as a proof for those poskim who DO allow one to find out the sex of a child; Since the parallel Gemara does NOT list knowledge of the baby’s gender as one of the things not known to man, we follow the Gemara’s version over the Medrash and permit one to find out their baby’s gender.

    #813842

    dvorak
    Member

    I bought the car seat before hand because they don’t let you leave the hospital without one, and I didn’t want to put my husband in the position of having to run out and get one on the spur of the moment.

    As for not knowing the gender, just get a few gender-neutral outfits, they do exist. Also, all our baby gear is gender-neutral because we want to able to use the stuff for subsequent kids IY’H no matter what.

    #813843

    MindOverChatter
    Participant

    I’ve also heard stories abt people getting false alarms from ultrasound, but my take is rather have it this way than the other way around c”v!we found out about a serious condition in the pregnancy that required an immedetiate procedure done – only through the 20 week sonnogram.if not for the scans, we would have no idea how highly likely we were to have a baby with severe mental and/or physical disabilities. b”h we caught it on time, had the procedure done asap (on Shabbos!)and had a beautiful healthy baby. the condition was all gone by the time she arrived, thanks to the proffessional intervention in the middle of the pregnancy.

    #813844

    jewishness
    Participant

    Back to the original question. Is there something wrong with purchasing items before you have a baby. So far I have not seen any real source other than people’s thoughts and ideas….

    At the end of the day it seems that there is nothing wrong with it……

    #813845

    1818
    Participant

    popa,

    Thanks for the laugh. quite funny.

    #813846

    minyan gal
    Member

    Even if you have an ultrasound, they always ask you if you want to know the gender of the child. If you don’t and it is time for them to scan “that” area of the baby, they tell you to look away. It is not only Jewish people that often won’t purchase baby items prior to the birth. I have been told the same thing by many gentiles, so I wonder if it is a superstition or if it is from some part of the Torah that the goyim know as the Old Testament.

    #813847

    “At the end of the day it seems that there is nothing wrong with it……”

    Our Rav told us that if it will be easier for you or you will lose money, then it is perfectly muttar to buy things beforehand but you should be careful to put it away and not tell people about what you bought. This is because if there is someone who ch”v doesnt have children that sees you preparing for your baby before you have it, it could be an ayin hara.

    So you can do what you have to do but dont flaunt it

    #813848

    old man
    Participant

    This is an important topic.

    There are those who view buying items before the birth as an ayin hara. For those who are unconcerned with ayin hara, there are emotional implications if c”v the baby is not healthy and certainly if it does not survive. There can also be social implications as someone else has noted,with families who are having difficulty having children. I think that the Rav’s advice mentioned above, to buy if necessary but not to flaunt it, is very sound advice.

    #813849

    We bought strollers and a car seat because they were on deep discount, some gender-neutral clothing.

    Other than that, nothing else, really.

    I did as a rav, and he said the general practice is to hold off, unless you find things that are on a great sale and you can save much $$$

    #813850

    golden mom
    Member

    mindoverchatter they did a procedure bf the baby was born? to corect the problem? just curious cuz never heard of such a thing i guess i can say b”h

    #813851

    ” i actually heard a story once that a lady was pregnant and the husband bought a crib for the baby when she was in her 8th mo and she had a miscarriage”

    Whatever the reason for the miscarriage, I can assure you it was not because of the crib.

    “There’s this thing called a sonogram. It emits sound waves, and measures the reflection, and creates an image based on that which shows density.Amazing, I know. “

    FUNNY

    #813852

    adorable
    Participant

    POPA- good line thanks for the laugh.

    i heard of buying a car seat to take the baby home in but why do you HAVE to risk it????

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