State of Israel Stands Up In Defense of Yushka Pundrik

Acting decisively and showing strong resolve to honor the Christian deity Yushka Pundrik, the State of Israel today threw into jail two IDF soldiers into jail today for damaging a statue of Yushka. One Israeli soldier for causing the damage and the other soldier for taking a photograph of it. After today’s extraordinarily swift action, the IDF still plans to punish more soldiers who were in the vicinity of where this occured and failed in their duty to immediately defend the statue of the idol.

Furthermore, in a show of support for Christianity, the State of Israel today replaced the damaged statue with a gleaming new sculpture of the crucifixion and released a photo of it. It is now proudly posted on the @IDF X account. The post further states that “The IDF expresses deep regret over the incident, and is working to ensure that it does not happen again in the future.” Israel’s prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, and its foreign minister, Gideon Saar, expressed immediate and profuse apologies.

The Israeli military purchased the new statue and had erected it by late Tuesday. What had previously been a fairly humble-looking object of worship now was, thanks to the IDF, a shiny rendering of Yushka in silver- and gold-toned metal on a reddish-brown cross, beneath the abbreviation “I.N.R.I.” — Latin for “Yushka of Nazareth, King of the Jews.”