Suggesting Shidduch for………yourself?!

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  • #913819

    no shadchan?

    really?

    how does that work?

    doesn’t that ruin prospects for your children?

    #913820
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    no shadchan?

    really?

    Really, really.

    how does that work?

    Very easily. Boy and girl work in summer camp as counselors. Boy meets girl on last day of camp, but don’t see each other after that. The next February, girl sees boy in library, goes over and says “hi” to him. Boy and girl go on to celebrate 20th wedding anniversary next month.

    doesn’t that ruin prospects for your children?

    If someone is going to be so narrow-minded as to reject my kids solely because of the way that Eeees and I met without even considering the content of their characters, then they’re better off without them.

    The Wolf

    #913821
    goldenkint
    Member

    Hakadosh Baruch Hu makes all the shidduchim, and as with everything else HKBH knows how to arrange it for each individual. for some people the shadchan route won’t work, for various reasons, family, money, yichus, status, etc. , so maybe Hashem makes those shidduchim come about in a more “natural” way. Its always Hashem pulling the strings. When my grandmother was a young unmarried woman, she had to support herself as a seamstress. When her machine broke she had someone come to fix it. He too was orphaned from his father and had to support himself. Well, he kept on coming back, claiming he needed to order another part etc, until there was a shidduch. My great-grandmother was completely hysterical, that her daughter could get engaged with out a shadchan ,”finding the boy herself” and she ran to the Rebbe that they followed. The Rebbe listened to her and asked the name of boy and where they re from. When he heard it , he took out the bronfen and made a L’chaim and said Mazel tov. he said that this was such a fine shidduch that they wouldn’t even look at her if the boy hadn’t been orphaned and forced to seek a profession, as they were a very illustrious family. my point. Hashem makes the shidduchim. and all this took place in Poland in 1925-6 approximately.

    #913822
    goldenkint
    Member

    i also know a case where a couple were set up, through mutual acquaintances (family members etc.), and got engaged. when one of the ‘official shadchaniot” who had suggested shiduchim to one of the parties heard about the engagemnet, she said “oh , no ididn’t get a chance to check this shidduch out”. the families had done the checking and were satisfied. the shidduch Baruch Hashem went through without any difficulties, monetarily or otherwise, everything was agreed upon by the families themselves. sometimes the shadchanim pasel shiduchim for their own reasons. , so when Hashem makes it happen that they are bypassed its probably for a reason we are not aware of. We really know very little about the way the world really works, we just think we do. incidentally, after this couple got engaged everyone who heard about it and knew the couple said, It’s so matim, how come we did’t think of suggesting it!”

    #913823
    Sacrilege
    Member

    Who knows better than you what you want?

    If you see it go out and get it!

    Once you are married (with kids) no one cares if it was a shadchan, if it was online, college…..

    #913824
    s2021
    Member

    rebbi gershon

    Member

    s2021

    are you sure thats what you want. so you wont listen if a shadchan calls?

    Actually, I can still meet him and have a shadchan involved can’t I?

    If theres no shadchan at all thats not shidduch dating..

    I just want to cheat the system a lil..

    Have the naturall attraction and feelings develope (with the safetey of a shadchan when needed) but without all the deception and garbage that comes from hearing about him from the shadchan’s friend’s niece’s aunt’s sister’s cousin’s neigbor’s roomate’s cupcake……

    #913825
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    This is such a hypothetical question.

    I would suggest a shidduch for myself

    Now if I only had whom to suggest

    #913826
    gorgeous101
    Member

    shadchanim are a recent development what was wrong with doing things the way they used 2 b done?

    #913827

    s2021

    Actually, I can still meet him and have a shadchan involved can’t I?

    “If theres no shadchan at all thats not shidduch dating..

    I just want to cheat the system a lil..

    Have the naturall attraction and feelings develope (with the safetey of a shadchan when needed) but without all the deception and garbage that comes from hearing about him from the shadchan’s friend’s niece’s aunt’s sister’s cousin’s neigbor’s roomate’s cupcake…… “

    good point! cheating the system isnt so bad i guess cause the system leaves much to be desired!

    #913830
    Wisey
    Participant

    Relating to the discussion about parent suggestions, I think that these days with so many people not following the exact hashkafos of their parents this can decrease the likelihood of a parent’s suggestion to be correct. Personally if my parents suggested a shiduch I would automatically not consider it.

    #913831
    Loyal Jew
    Member

    Without a shadchan, the public aspects of whether they should marry can’t be checked out. So yes, we should be wary of the children of such a marriage.

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