Texting

Waste of time and can be can addiction bad for your health.

Danger to lives. When driving. And thousands text and drive which is illegal

Many other reasons too many to list

The question itself –
“What’s bad about texting? Especially group chats?”
Should be rewritten to say
“What’s bad? About texting? … Especially group chats.

….

Texting itself may or may not be bad, but what people use it for and let it take the place of is
the real problem.

– Non-kosher conversations
– Discussing one’s private life
– Conversing about inappropriate topics
– Making use of inappropriate language
– Meaningless, pointless empty talk
– If a teenager wastes hours texting, especially on group chats, it hinders his/her ability
to create real connections and relationships and prevents the proper development of
proper expressive articulatory skills
– Texting for the sake of texting “hey, how are you, ……” 20 minutes later: no gain,
no accomplishment, no goal reached
– Lashon hara, mockery, sinas chinam
– All the GIFs, video clips, and memes, especially those that belittle minhagim, halacha,
and Yiddishkeit in general, are a terrible Chillul Hashem
– A situation in which a proper, in-person (or at least phone call) conversation is necessary
– If a husband and wife have so-called “meaningful” conversations over text, it is devoid
of proper feeling, love, and connection
– If someone offers apologies or forgiveness over text, it is hardly ever with a full heart

One can think of countless additional negative factors when it comes to texting, and it doesn’t
take much intelligence to be aware of that. Whether one admits that to be the truth is a different
story. It takes courage, strength, and maturity. Whether one does anything in response to
recognizing this is another whole level. It takes gevura, commitment, and a will to give up
convenience for the sake of other, more important things such as quality of life, ability to live in
the moment, and more genuine and deep relationships.

Many things in Yiddishkeit are labeled as “sensitivities” (certain areas in tznius, levels of kashrus, etc),
but when it comes to technology, the only label appropriate is “common sense”. It doesn’t take a
genius to understand why texting, chats – and to go further, internet, social media, and smartphones –
can be extremely detrimental to a person, and not only to their ruchniyus. Don’t live life playing
‘naive’ and ‘unaware’. Face the facts. Accept reality.

@wtsp

Hey I’m a young teenage girl in bais yaakov that has been struggling with many areas in yiddishkeit recently. I have also been improving tremendously with the help of many people. One thing that has been bothering me all along and still is, is that the things I was struggling with (mainly boys) were topics that arent discussed in school or basically anywhere in my life. Im definitely not the only girl in my bais yaakov and the other Bais yaakovs all over that struggles with it because it’s normal for it to be a struggle but what makes it harder is that these topics are kept so hushed up and looked upon so badly which personally made it much harder to improve. As I was going thru my struggle I was told that I was going to be sent out my school if I didn’t stop doing what I was doing… and all I could think is “ok I’m doing things against school rules and it’s not right, but why can’t my school teach me in the first place how to control myself or how to deal with these kind of feelings?”
Im wondering if anyone can explain some of this to me so I’m able to understand better why things are like this… thank you

Commonsaychal

Speak to your LOR

The reason this can’t be discussed in high school in a class setting by a teacher is because it can open up to a large can of worms and lead a person to much worse then they currently are even if Chas VShalom already not frum and can lead to boyfriends that are not tznuis to talk about in a full class cause it can effect the yiddishkeit of the frum girls in the class and Chas VShalom bring down their yiddishkeit.

Best is to speak to your LOR about these topics and questions you have regarding yichud etc….

@commonsaychel

…and your point is?

Commonsaychal,

You’re absolutely right that these struggles are normal and common, but the way schools handle them makes things way harder. Here’s why:
Fear and lack of knowledge: Most schools genuinely don’t know how to talk about this stuff. They’re scared that discussing it will “put ideas in girls’ heads,” so they choose silence, thinking that protects you. It doesn’t.
Cultural shame: There’s deep shame around anything related to attraction or physical feelings. The adults were raised the same way and don’t know how to break the cycle.
“Protecting innocence”: Schools think staying silent preserves innocence. But silence doesn’t equal innocence – it just leaves girls confused and alone with normal feelings.
The backwards result: You struggle with completely normal teenage feelings, have no guidance or safe person to talk to, and then get threatened with expulsion when caught. It’s the opposite of helpful.
What you actually deserved was education that these feelings are normal, guidance on healthy boundaries, safe people to talk to, and support – not threats.
You’re not broken or bad. You’re a normal teenage girl navigating complex feelings without the education you should have had. I’m really glad you found people helping you improve.
Does this help clarify things?

@kingdavid

Normal feelings? Says who? “Modern therapists” Lo alienu it’s talk like this that puts all our kids at risk. Next thing you know your normalizing all kinds of feelings including chas v’shalom we should never have to say out loud but who knows what goes through their heads. Girls with girls, boys with boys. And worse boys saying they want to be girls. And they’ll call this “normal healthy thoughts that should never be pathalogized” they’ll say these people deserve “compassion” “love” “validation.” Hashem yishmor.

Honestly scares me about the future of chinuch and the fate of klal yisrael with opinions like this.

and your point is no point as well

@flamingOTD,
I understand your concern – it comes from caring about our youth.
But with respect, I don’t think you’re aware of what teenagers are actually facing today. These feelings of attraction aren’t created by talking about them – they already exist whether we acknowledge them or not. That’s how Hashem created human beings, and our entire mesorah discusses the yetzer hara in this area.
Silence doesn’t protect kids – it just leaves them struggling alone without guidance. When a girl has normal feelings and thinks she’s terrible for having them, that’s when real problems develop.
There’s a huge difference between acknowledging natural teenage attraction (which every rov knows is real) and the other issues you mentioned. I’m not normalizing everything – but pretending these feelings don’t exist doesn’t work.
This girl was threatened with expulsion for something natural, without ever being given tools or support. Is that really the Torah way?
Our mesorah teaches us about the yetzer hara – we don’t ignore it, we teach how to channel it. Right now we’re doing neither.

I think you are all wasting you’re time you could be learning the heilige torah but instead your having a group chat on here.

@kingdavid

So if I got this correct your saying that we should have compassion for normal healthy feelings discussed and grounded in Torah and Torah values so that they don’t go elsewhere to get this info, or feel alone or invalidated in normal healthy feelings and chas v’shalom be lead to do aveiros or doubt in the Torah for answers? After reading your words and learning more about these “feelings” I think I can agree with this.

At the same time I’m a bit confused in your logic. If you say “let’s talk about healthy feelings so they don’t feel alone or go astray” shouldn’t we say the same about non-Torah urges!!!

Now that I think about it, why aren’t we talking about the other kinds of feelings that kids experience? The “gay or trans” or whatever it’s called. From what I’m reading it says they start at a young age same as the other “healthy feelings.” From your logic, if I have it right, we should be ready and prepare our children so they don’t look elsewhere for this info! “Phones, friends or the street” as you said…

Like if your saying your main concern is that feelings happens, and they will learn them from non-torah sources if we don’t talk about it, shouldn’t we also discuss the other feelings, even in just a way where we are teaching our Torah values!

Like a conversation from Rabbeim,

“hey you may have these feelings. Our Torah perspective tells us that these actions are aveiros, but if it’s happening, we want you to know you are not alone in feeling them and you are safe to discuss this with your rebbi.”

Maybe that can work to stop these precious yiddim form learning from dangerous sources or chas v’shalom from going OTD and feel less alone! Honestly I just want the best for these precious heligeh yidden and to protect these precious neshamot. I’m scared though.

@Kingdavid

Yes honestly appreciate your approach things are making more sense, baruch Hashem I think i got this!

I am still a bit confused mamash though where your drawing lines, you say “every kid” has attraction for the opposite gender and thats “universal” when we know thats not true for every kid.

As for the other things I’ve mentioned, kids are reporting transgender issues all over the country (5% of young adults in the US is not a small number)!

So im still confused on how waiting for them to come to us is different in this situation, then waiting for a girl to come forward in a school that doesnt teach about any healthy feelings of attraction at all.

In both cases silence is potentially harmful. In the later case, from what I understand, this could be pikuach nefesh situation that we are letting happen with our silence. According to your logic, what ben or bas torah is going to feel safe talking about it if we dont talk about it first. Or at the very least talk to parents about how to talk to kids. As you are saying these are things kids feel, these arent things we are “introducing” to them. Only we are bringing them language to talk about this safely and in a Torah context.

“These feelings of attraction aren’t created by talking about them – they already exist whether we acknowledge them or not. That’s how Hashem created human beings” – Your quote earlier.

Same logic is it not? Even if its a relatively small number, are these neshamot not also important? Isn’t the silence your advocating against just as, if not more harmful for these kids?

@MacherBoy Exactly! This is the question here we are talking about it. Is this safe for yiddim to even discuss openly?

If I may add my few cents here.

Generally about 95% of texting is useless. Now even Email that was supposed to be electronic version of written mail became texting for many people especially in business. And Email became texting, because people got used to texting.

Email for example should be used for proper amounts of text exchange, without expecting to be replied in a minute. That’s how proper technical internet people still use it. I can hing OpenBSD(Canadian Open Source Computer Operating System) mailing lists, those lists are even public and you can read serious technical discussion with lengthy texts there, it’s like reading book drafts..

Now texting in something like IRC(Internet Relay Chat), oldest internet texting protocol. If you get into proper server and proper channel, like for example Open Source bastion of Libera Chat server and lets say again you get on #OpenBSD channel
*You will be demanded to stay on topic.
*You won;t even be guaranteed that any of few hundred connected users will respond to you at all, it only happens if you ask interesting enough on-topic questions.

I mention OpenBSD community since they are most orthodox internet-wise, they won’t accept or read HTML infested email letters, they wont accept images unless it’s absolutely technically necessary.

So for example for someone who would like to learn, mathematics, cryptography, C-programming, and secure operating systems engineering, texting with #OpenBSD people is pretty kosher and beneficial.

However on the same server there are channels that are less orthodox internet-wise, where conversations can turn to anything else but the topic and nobody will stop it, that can sometimes become waste of time or be damaging, while sometimes it’s just branched technical discussions that simply not on the channel topic, but such channels exposes you to greater risk of junk or non-kosher material.

But communities like OpenBSD is just a part of 1% of the internet. 99% of the internet is crap, including texting.

So texting in general I avoid as most people a degenerated in this and just communicate in silly tasteless memes, too many smiley faces and too little meaningful intact sentences.

So you can evaluate for example OpenBSD community by reading some mirror of their mailling lists and se how heavy text that is, to me as heavy and worthy as studying Tanya lessons. So when you evaluate that, you can be sure that texting with such people is not a waste of time, but as I said it is 1% of the 1% of the internet has such quality.

Most of it are empty talks worthy of no more then entertainment for wasting time.