May 25, 2016 5:00 pm at 5:00 pm #1154102feivelParticipant
The biggest problem:
Lack of thinking about The Ribono Shel OlamMay 25, 2016 7:00 pm at 7:00 pm #1154103
“Lack of thinking about The Ribono Shel Olam”
I have tried bringing this subject up in the past, not many people wanted to think about it (well at a minimum didn’t want to talk about it).May 25, 2016 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #1154104
All people do is waist their lives away with their family and learning old Torah books. They refuse to engage in disquisition on the pros and cons of Zionist Political Philosophy, its a shandah.May 29, 2016 3:29 pm at 3:29 pm #1154105oomisParticipant
Lack of achdus. When all of klal Yisroel is unified, all of the rest will fall into place.May 29, 2016 4:51 pm at 4:51 pm #1154106golferParticipant
Everything will, as oomis said, “fall into place” when we are unified. But that statement doesn’t mean much if we don’t determine what we’re unified in. If we’re all unified in a particualr place, say we get all the Jews to Biloxi, or Bombay, have we accomplished anything?
We all know the famous Gemara (source please, oh wise men of the CR? is it in Shabbos?) about Mashiach arriving after we keep 2 Shabbosos. And there is another source (Wise men again? And please be precise, wise men: A source is NOT a song with a great beat that begins with “Western Wall on Friday night, first time ever there…”) that Mashiach will come if we all keep one Shabbos.
My point being that we all need to be unified in Kabbalas Ol Malchus Shamayim. By keeping Shabbos we acknowledge that we are cognizant of the fact that Hashem created the world in 7 days and He put us here to keep the Torah which was the blueprint for creation.
If you agree, then we can extrapolate that our biggest issue is identifying and removing the impediments that keep us from achieving this goal. On a personal level for each and every one of us, and on a communal level as well.May 29, 2016 9:37 pm at 9:37 pm #1154107eli levParticipant
what’s the biggest issues facing Frum Jews today?
one of them is probably – therapists damaging peoples
yiras shamayim, marriages, familiesMay 30, 2016 3:01 am at 3:01 am #1154108
“therapists damaging peoples yiras shamayim, marriages, families”
Thats a great one actually. Therapists often can do more harm than good.
The entire secular court system and university I suppose you can say also leads to destroying marriage and families.May 30, 2016 3:07 am at 3:07 am #1154109
From what I am told, what divorce lawyers care most about is not their clients well-being, but taking as much money from their client as possible by encouraging divorces and dragging them out as long as possible.
I doubt therapists do this like lawyers do, but selfish motives might come into play on occasion.May 30, 2016 11:28 am at 11:28 am #1154110
Don’t believe what you are told.
I am a family law attorney. I don’t encourage divorce. My clients have decided to sue for divorce BEFORE they contract my services.
Here in CT, state judicial procedures require couples to undergo marriage counseling, either private or through the court, before a divorce trial can proceed.
In my decades of experience, I have found that professional marriage counseling almost always leads to divorce, not saving the marriage.
A long drawn out divorce is usually not about increasing legal fees (I typically charge a set amount for a divorce) but endless negotiations over stuff or child custody/support.
90 percent of the divorces I handle go smoothly and take the minimum 91 days required by statute.
BTW, judges in our family courts regularly require the couple have a minimum of 6 months of marriage counseling before the divorce suit can go forward.
When there are children involved, costs go through the roof and the time frames lengthens considerably. Parents are required to attend parenting classes before the divorce and custody are granted. The court may appoint attorneys for the children and guardian(s) ad litem.
To keep it in perspective in recent years my fee for an uncontested, no children divorce with one court appearance for the granting of the divorce is about $3000 plus costs. Once there are children involved, custody/support disputes or property fights the fees/costs can skyrocket.
To keep our sanity and solvency, our firm only allows each attorney to take one contested or custody issue divorce at a time.May 30, 2016 11:33 am at 11:33 am #1154111
Personal note: I have been mostly absent from the CR due to Mrs. CTL’s lengthy hospitalization. B”H last night after 13 days she has finally been moved from ICU to a regular room and I have been able to sleep at home in my own bed.
Thank you all for your prayers, mi she berach offerings and encouragement. We greatly appreciate it.May 30, 2016 12:00 pm at 12:00 pm #1154112☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Wishing she has a continued recovery.May 30, 2016 12:21 pm at 12:21 pm #1154113JosephParticipant
“In my decades of experience, I have found that professional marriage counseling almost always leads to divorce, not saving the marriage.”
That is a sad testament about marriage therapists.May 30, 2016 1:29 pm at 1:29 pm #1154114golferParticipant
CTL, your comments have been missed.
Wishing Mrs CTL a Refuah Shleima B’karov!May 30, 2016 1:58 pm at 1:58 pm #1154115
CTLAWYER, sorry but being this information comes from a close family relative of mine that is an actual divorce lawyer along with other people I know, their knowledge and advise trumps yours.
I have seen too many horror stories.
On a personal note, may she have a complete refua shleima.May 30, 2016 2:47 pm at 2:47 pm #1154116
CTLAWYER -“Here in CT, state judicial procedures require couples to undergo marriage counseling, either private or through the court, before a divorce trial can proceed.
In my decades of experience, I have found that professional marriage counseling almost always leads to divorce, not saving the marriage.”
It depends what the situation is!
When I got divorced in NJ, they also require counseling. Her lawyer just said that counseling wouldn’t work. I didn’t have a lawyer at that time. I do now, many years later.
The fact is – if one of the couple wants the divorce, even if they are pushed into it, no one can stop it!
I didn’t want to get divorced, but there was no choice!
I went previously to therapy and it worked!
I more agree with Newbee than with CTlawyer!May 30, 2016 3:14 pm at 3:14 pm #1154117JosephParticipant
” The fact is – if one of the couple wants the divorce, even if they are pushed into it, no one can stop it!
I didn’t want to get divorced, but there was no choice!”
According to Halacha, either spouse (among Ashkenazim, and the husband by Sephardim) can unilaterally elect to not get divorced if he/she doesn’t want to get divorced and there is no cause in the case that is recognized by halacha permitting one spouse to unilaterally insist on divorce.May 30, 2016 3:27 pm at 3:27 pm #1154118
New Jersey is a nightmare divorce state. A female first cousin of mine went through a 4 year nightmare divorce there.
Every state is different. Here in CT, no judge would listen to an attorney saying ‘counseling wouldn’t work.’ The divorcing couple is sent from the courtroom to a counseling center in the courthouse where they must provide full documentation of the failed counseling sessions..or schedule and have lengthy counseling through the court before the trial may go forward.
You are correct that if one of the couple wants a divorce, it will be granted eventually. No one may be forced to remain in a marriage by civil authorities.May 30, 2016 3:37 pm at 3:37 pm #1154119
ctlawyer- “Newbee, don’t believe what you are told.”
So let me get this straight. I shouldn’t believe what I am told, even if it comes from close family and friends, unless it comes from you- an anonymous internet person.May 30, 2016 3:41 pm at 3:41 pm #1154120
I’ve been a family law attorney almost 40 years. My experience is specific to CT and Florida.
Yes there are a few shysters out there who try to milk every dollar from clients, but they get slapped down by the Bar overseers after a few complaints.
It is always the horror stories that one hears. No one goes around talking about their great divorce experience. In the frum community there is little talk about divorce because it may ruin the children’s chances for shidduchim.
The telling point in Health’s post is that his ex-spouse had a lawyer and he did not. That is a major mistake. The couple is each too emotionally involved to represent themselves against emotionally detached professional representatives.
I wish I did no divorce work, but it is part of being a family law attorney. I tell my potential clients words taught me by my mentor 40 years ago (an old Italian-American Catholic Attorney). You must be fair with your spouse. He/she is not your enemy, you loved him/her enough to marry (and have a family). I will not destroy your spouse. the settlement must be equitable. If you have children you will be connected for the rest of your lives. You want to be included in family events. If you are not willing to share equally with your spouse, please go find another lawyer.May 30, 2016 4:01 pm at 4:01 pm #1154121
“Yes there are a few shysters out there who try to milk every dollar from clients”
Well, you obviously disagree. But what I have heard from people in the know and even seen youtube videos from ex-lawyers that the shysters are the norm, not the exception.
I know lawyers have one of the highest suicide rates. It can be a crushing career for a sensitive soul.May 30, 2016 4:28 pm at 4:28 pm #1154122
Joe -“According to Halacha, either spouse (among Ashkenazim, and the husband by Sephardim) can unilaterally elect to not get divorced if he/she doesn’t want to get divorced and there is no cause in the case that is recognized by halacha permitting one spouse to unilaterally insist on divorce.”
Since when do people keep Halachah?!?May 30, 2016 4:31 pm at 4:31 pm #1154123
CTlawyer -“New Jersey is a nightmare divorce state. A female first cousin of mine went through a 4 year nightmare divorce there”
I actually got divorced pretty quick, it’s the kids I’m fighting about for many years!May 30, 2016 4:39 pm at 4:39 pm #1154124
CTlawyer -“Yes there are a few shysters out there who try to milk every dollar from clients, but they get slapped down by the Bar overseers after a few complaints.”
The first part I’ll agree with, but not the last part!
The Bar doesn’t oversee anything. Some lawyers do what they want!
Go watch some movies about lawyers & you’ll change your mind.May 30, 2016 6:46 pm at 6:46 pm #1154125
The Bar Overseers is NOT the Bar Association.
The name of the government agency that disciplines lawyers is different in many states. I went to law school in Massachusetts. There it is called the Board of Bar Overseers. Here in CT it is called the CT Bar Examining Committee. I don’t know the name in NJ. These are the agencies with power to fine, suspend or revoke licenses.
Bar Associations are trade groups, I don’t bother paying dues or belonging to them.
BTW>> I teach a law school course on Film and the Law. It is used to train lawyers what perspectives clients and juries may have gotten from Hollywood’s take on the legal system. I screen films from the Judge’s, prosecutor’s, defense attorney’s, defendant’s, and jury’s perspective.
I have been searching for a good film from the media perspective for years.May 30, 2016 7:44 pm at 7:44 pm #1154126eli levParticipant
u guys got way off the topic
its the therapists ….!!!!!!!!!
even “frum” ones…May 30, 2016 10:46 pm at 10:46 pm #1154127
I said, most of the “frum” ones are not really frum. You have to be very careful about this.May 30, 2016 10:54 pm at 10:54 pm #1154128
*If not most a good chunk of them.June 5, 2016 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #1154129ukguyinEYParticipant
And I don’t claim to be innocent
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