The Mizrach Vont

1. Why is it Choshuv?

Presumably because, if your shul is oriented correctly, it’s the front of the shul. Which is why I generally make it my business to sit in the last row of any given shul if possible.

2. Who qualifies?

That would probably be at the discretion of whomever assigns seating in said shul

3. Which side of the Aron Kodesh is more Choshuv?

I wasn’t aware that one side was more chashuv than the other. I’ve been at shuls where the Rav sits to the right of the Aron and other shul where he sits to the left. Ask your LOR.

The Wolf

I’ve been offered a seat by the Mizrach Vant many times & I’ve always refused. It’s not because I’m humble, it’s because there are so many advantages to sitting in the the back.
1. You can get away with a lot more talking.
2. You’re first to the Kiddush.
3. You don’t have to do the “walk of shame” to the front when you show up during leining.
4. The kids are usually in the back so it’s easier to get the Candyman to slip you something to nosh on during Davening.
Noticing the advantages of these seats (& my Ruv always figuring out how to increase the Shuls (& his) revenue) this year we started auctioning off the back row on Simchas Torah. As a sign of appreciation the seat comes with a custom made shtender with room for 2 full size bottles of booze & a micro-fridge for herring.
The only problem is the “Big Machers” who paid big money to sit by the Mizrach Vant are suing the Rabbi & Shul for false advertising claiming they were told they would be the most respected & looked up to members of the Shul while in reality it’s the “Boys in the back” with “some kind of business” (no one knows where the money comes from & any Ehrlich Yid doesn’t want to know, hameyvin yuvin).
Unable to find a Bais Din anyone involved could trust & not wanting to go to full blown Secular court they agreed to have the case heard by “Judge Judy” (being Jewish she will understand the complexities of Shul politics).

Kuvult, why are you disclosing the secrets!? now, my last row seat will become more expensive!

Theorem: skripka is the humblest Yid in kulo almo on his side of the mehitza.

Proof: if someone else is the humblest Yid, such as Moshe, then skripka could sit near him and be humble than him.
QED

Yidden who don’t go to shul are not contenders, as one could not become truly humble without davening for it.