The Psychologist Who Went To A Psychologist: Part 2�More Confused Than Before

Scene 2: More Confused Than Before

(Dr. Tyme Zupp is facing away from patient. Patient (Dr. J.Octagorlyano) gets comfortable on the couch, after adjusting the pillows several times. She is not relaxed!)

Patient: (clears throat)

Doc: (still facing other way, not looking up from legal pad of paper- which is blank) Go ahead.

Patient: Well, do you think I should?

Doc: (looking up finally) That would have to be your decision.

Doc: (stifles a chuckle) Nice name.

Patient: (doubtfully) Do you really think so?

Patient: To be honest? I was bullied about my name from first grade through high school!

Doc: And how did that make you feel?

Patient (thinks) Bullied.

Doc: (writes that down) Do you want to talk about it?

Patient: Nah. I married a guy named John Smith. It solved a lot of my problems.

Doc: Good. Now where were we?

Doc: (glances at watch)

Patient: Are we out of time? Already?

Patient: (confused) I just said that.

Doc: (knowingly) Playback.

Patient: Options? Like what?

Doc: (shrugs) Another job, for example.

Patient: Stop doing that! Uh, please.

Doc: (shrugs)

Patient: I want to talk about my parents.

Doc: How did they ruin your life?

Patient: When did I tell you?

Patient: Pit? As in, parents are the pits?

Doc: Parental Ingratitude Therapy.

Patient: Oh, I see. But what if they really did affect your life?

Doc: So they get to make a few mistakes.

Patient: So do I get to be mad at them, or not?

Doc: Your choice. But throw a little gratitude in there once in awhile.

Patient: Huh?

Doc: If the relationship is more peaceful from a distance, or when kept to a minimum, fine. But never disown them completely.

Doc: Yes.

Patient: Well, I have something else to say…(pauses for effect) I’m thinking of ending it all.

Doc: (without missing a beat) Really? How?

Doc: Like?

Doc: Your medical insurance, I imagine.

Doc: (freezes)

Doc: Are you aware that this session costs $210?

Doc: For the time being, yes. The rule here is: Pay your bills , then jump the sills, okay? (tries to relax)

Doc: (sighs, bored)

Doc: (makes an obvious gesture of scribbling out all the notes that he already took)

Patient: Hey, why are you crossing out what I said?

Patient: No.

[phone rings] [hangs up, then turns to patient] Sorry about that.

Doc: (gets defensive) Are you challenging me? Do you need to do that to feel better about yourself? You need to ask yourself these questions. Is that emanating from a healthy place? Do you really want to go there?

Doc: Oh?

Doc: Stuck? To what? The couch?

Doc: Try harder.

Doc: (gives her a hand)

Patient: (ends up pulling her and Doc falls)

Doc: (brushes self off) This is so not okay.

Doc: You need to leave my office. I have other clients.

Patient: (gets up with ease)

Doc: (through gritted teeth) Get out of here.

Patient: How much do I owe you again?

Doc: $210. Get out.

Doc: (mutters under breath: I knew I should have stayed in bed this morning. Aloud:) How do you know?