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moish01: glad to be of help 😉
yankdownunder: if you want a nickname for aussieboy how about aussie? it confuses me when you call him ab, i thought it was a typo at first (i’m aob)
Can we get into interesting, new, SPECIFIC and safe date topics for a first date, that are NOT related to learning or family/schools, because those have already been mentioned above?
Can someone also share dating tips for quiet/shy daters?
OK, here is a dating tip. Make a list of pareve topics at home. Study that list so YOU know what is proper and what is not. If there is a lull in the conversation that is too long or uncomfortable you can choose a topic from your home list and ask a question to continue. Be prepared so you don’t feel awkward or seem awkward.
OK, now for the topics. Of course there is weather, family, school/yeshiva stories, best part of your day, favorite color, favorite food, favorite sport, travel, family vacation, hobbies, etc.
THE most important things to remember on a date is:
Put your best foot forward
Be polite, mind your manners
Be well groomed
Listen when your date speaks, don’t interrupt; take turns speaking and pay attention
Don’t make it all about you. Don’t talk money, cars, real estate…..keep your ego in check.
It is not a job interview. You don’t have to blurt out everything about yourself on the first date. Save something for later.
If you are the girl,talk about what kind of music you like, where you would go, if you could go anywhere in the world (money no object), what is the one thing (besides family, siddur, and chumash)you would take with you if you had thirty seconds to get out of your house? Who, other than family and Gedolim, are the three people you most admire… you get the idea. Get the focus of the conversation AWAY from Torah learning, so you can get some idea about the rest of the person, not just his religious hashkafa. The things parents have already learned from the shadchan or the references should have covered whether or not the boy is learned. You need to know what he is like when he is NOT in Yeshivah. Ditto for the girl. What type of chessed does she do, what does she like to read, what does she consider to be a fun way to spend the day? What hobbies do either of them have? Etc. Etc. Etc.
aries2756, BRILLIANT- Thanks! I liked that a lot!
anuran, I was looking for a husband that was in the Yeshiva culture. I didnt need him to brag but when he spoke about torah learning I was not “bored to tears”.
“anuran, I was looking for a husband that was in the Yeshiva culture. I didnt need him to brag but when he spoke about torah learning I was not “bored to tears”.
You shouldn’t be bored, that’s very important. But girls are not sitting in Yeshivah with their dates – they need to know more about him than only what he knows of Torah.
I heard a story where a Bochur asked what he should talk about on a date. He was told to follow the old formula, the three “F’s”, Food, Family and Philosophy.
SO he goes out on his date and he asks the girl, “do you like meat balls and spagehtti?” SHe answers no.
Next he gets to family and asks, ” do you have any brothers?” again she asweres “no”.
Fianlly he asks, ” If you had a brother, would he like spagehtti and meatballs.”
And that is how he covered all three “F’s”.
I was told when I went on the date that I should not think about what I’m going to say-like all serious and stuff. You are supposed to just have a good time and focuse on simply that. And when it gets more serious and you get to know him or her better then things will come more naturally. I mean seriously-how is one supposed to start talkin serious with someone he or she just met-get alife-they can’t marry right away!
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