Tipping when the service is terrible. (or not there at all)

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  • #598327

    I went to a really nice restaurant with my wife, when we got there we had to ask them to seat us bec. there was nobody to seat us.

    We sat down and waited a couple of minutes and once we were ready to order we had to wait for a DIFFERENT waitress to take it.

    My food came and 10 minutes later my wifes food was still not there, so I went to find my waitress. I asked her about it and she said she’ll bring it when it was ready (very snobby).

    I guess she was embarrased bec 10 seconds later she sent somebody else with it.

    Meanwhile my food got cold.

    I asked for a spoon and none came.

    When we were ready for our bill the waitress got annoyed that we were asking for it!!! and kept on telling us to wait for it. it came ten minutes later. I wanted to pay by credit card but had to wait again a couple of minutes.

    Would anybody here leave a tip after such terrible service?

    I usually tip between 15 and 20 percent but I just couldnt get myself to do it this time.

    Am i wrong???

    #792683

    Abe Cohen
    Participant

    Personally, I never tip. (Unless it was stated beforehand as mandatory.) Let them build it into the price. If the service was lacking, I become a former customer.

    #792684

    ilovetheholyland
    Participant

    just watched a speech by rabbi wallerstien and he said that youre not tipping for the other person really. youre tipping for yourself, to instill the middah of hakoras hatov in yourself.

    #792685

    There was not much hakaros hatov to be had there

    #792686

    oomis
    Participant

    I would probably leave a very small tip for the hakoras hatov aspect that was mentioned, but the small amount would be indicative of my displeasure. I would ONLY do this if it was in fact clear that it WAS the food server’s fault, i.e. they had “attitude” or the like. Sometimes things get really hectic in a restaurant, or they are unexpectedly short-staffed, or there is a kitchen emergency of some kind. That is not the server’s fault.

    Since we live in a society where the tipping is NOT tip-ically (pun intended) built into the price (and personally I detest that practice and try to avoid such places that do it), and the wait staff is seriously underpaid (yeah, yeah, I know that’s not OUR fault), the tips are very much wanted, needed, and appreciated by the staff. I would not stiff someone, knowing how much they rely on the tips for a part of their parnassah. If the practice offends one, then he should only patronize the places that have built in tips when they see the bill. Usually those places add 18%, as opposed to the 15% that I add to my payment (20% if the service was truly outstanding), and we always try to go up to the next dollar, and even one more.

    RKT, what you describe sounds liek really shoddy service. I would send a note to the owner/manager, a few days later and vent. I would not want my specific waiter/waitress to lose a job because of me, but it might make them have a talk with ALL their staff about improving customer service.

    #792687

    bd
    Participant

    tipping is for good service. that said, if the service is bad, i’d leave little or no tip.

    keep in mind, that MANY restaurants already add the tip to the bill….if you’re not careful, you might be tipping twice…

    #792688

    mommamia22
    Participant

    I typically tip 15-20 %. However, if not just the service, but the attitude is unpleasant and lacking, I would leave a very small tip, and I would say out loud that I usually give more but found the experience unpleasant. That way, you’ve done what IS socially accepted, and made a point this waitress will remember, which is act minimally generous, get minimal.

    #792689

    In the one and a half hours that I was there I had to deal with 3 waitresses and 2 busboys, I doubt he’ll fire them all.

    But I’m gonna take your advice and email them for the restaurants good (and mine a little).

    #792690

    OP I have the perfect solution simply eat at home. I am not being sarcastic. When you eat home you save money by not traveling to a Restaurant and spending on their food, no heksher worry because you are at your own home, you don’t have to wait to be seated and inculcate negative midot from the waiting staff, and you are the Creator of your own Menu. This is a much better choice as far as saving time, money and midot discernment.

    #792691

    I happen to agree with you, but it was Rosh Chodesh so I wanted to spend whatever it costs on a nice meal.

    One would think that going to a real nice place you would not run into problems with the waitstaff but apparently I was wrong.

    And once in a while its nice to give the wife a night off from cooking and cleaning.

    #792692

    umm
    Member

    You tip, even though you don’t want to.

    The same reason why, when someone steps on your toe with a really high and pointy heel, and really hurts you badly, but when they ask ‘are you okay’ you force a smile and say ‘yeah sure’ instead of what you really want to say: “NO!! you just killed me, get those ridiculous things off your feet, or mind your step and how much do you weigh anyway…”

    #792693

    Sender Av
    Member

    I have been wondering the same thing. I went to a resturant that had an “All you can eat” buffet. We got that and served ourselves. The waiter did not tell us that it came with drinks(so we did not get any and he did not have to bring them to us). He did not bring us plates or anything and when we needed something I had to flag him down and we were the only people in the restaurant. He was sitting there watching T.V. with the owner. Tip? Get some good service. Since, they have gotten rid of the buffet due to lack of lunch customers.

    #792694

    Sender Av
    Member

    BTW, it has been years since I have been there, but if you want good service go to the Prime Grill in Manhattan. Bread basket and water glasses were always full. When went to wash for hamotzi they cleaned up our area and refolded our napkins. $$$$$ but nice. Pats in L.A. is also got really good service.

    #792695

    mewho
    Participant

    <<not a fan of prime grill. food too salty, rude to customers.

    here’s another tip…..before you go anywhere look on line to see the restaurants GRADE. see their violations.

    you could be horrified!!!!

    #792696

    haifagirl
    Participant

    As a former waitress I can tell you leaving no tip is usually interpreted as the person forgot. Leaving 1 or 2 pennies sends a message.

    #792697

    Hacham
    Member

    So if someone wants to stiff better nothing than an undertip?

    #792698

    Avram in MD
    Participant

    A few points that come to my mind:

    1.) It is likely that many common restaurant inconveniences are not the fault of the server. Food coming late to the table or meals arriving at different times may reflect a kitchen issue rather than a server issue. Even mistakes in the order may be a kitchen issue. Unless the server did something obviously wrong (e.g., rudeness, inattention), I wouldn’t punish him/her for a problem that may well have been out of their control.

    2.) A restaurant inconvenience may be a good opportunity to exercise our ability to have hakaras hatov and dan l’kaf zechus; isn’t that worth a few dollars?

    3.) A polite word with the server may completely resolve the issue while avoiding the sting and loss of withholding the tip.

    4.) I think stronger action (withholding a tip, complaining to the manager, etc.) should only be considered if I felt the problem was significant enough that I didn’t want to return to the restaurant in the future. Since I’ve moved into my present community which has numerous restaurants, that threshold for me has been met only once, and the restaurant closed very shortly after the incident, before I even had the chance to contact the manager.

    #792699

    GeshmakMan
    Participant

    I always tip, you never know if the waiter/ess is having a bad day or has personal issues bothering him/her. Leaving a nice tip would make him/her feel that much better.

    I have been to restaraunts where they have forgotten parts of the order, or brought the appetizer after the entree. When you think about it, who really cares? Everyone makes mistakes. I am sure you would want a mulligan/2nd chance if you made one so let the the waiter/ess have one also.

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