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Keep mothers healthy we need them.
Her husband should take her to the Kimpeturin Heim after every birth.
mothers belong at home with their families. new babies are a difficult enough transition on the other kids, they don’t need their mother to go awol. Don’t teach them that they are something people “need a break from”. bleh
syag lchochma..mothers go through horomonal and physical changes before and afterbirth, besides birth is in itself very stressful .They need to have loads of rest after birth in order to recover quicker .Thank god we have kimpaturin heim to help them. Go out of your way even if you cant afford it to give it to them.You will end up with a healthier wife and better mother.
absan – perhaps you grew up accustomed to the idea so it sounds appropriate, I personally think your children do not need to be told you need a break from them. There are many appropriate ways to give a new mother the rest she needs without removing her from her home. I did it nine times, Baruch Hashem, and believe I am entitled to my view point. I am also entitled to my viewpoint that your being accustomed to the idea does not make it a good one. And you, of course, are entitled to disagree.
Lots of people take a recovery period after major surgery.
yup.
absan: “Go out of your way even if you cant afford it to give it to them.” And where is one supposed to get the money from if they can’t afford it?
Syag, are you okay with Kimpeturin after a first childbirth?
Why?
To rest up, if she feels it will help her recuperate better.
why?
Why not?
I cannot fathom what your point/need is to make your surroundings be truth instead of making truth your surroundings. Maybe, and this is a guess, in your world (which you’ve clearly painted for us over the years) there is nobody at home to meet a woman’s needs so best to pay someone else to do it somewhere else. In the Torah’s world a father rejoices at the birth of a child and would like to share in his/her first days.
s.l. Why do children need to be told you need a rest from them? They should be told mommy needs to recover and she will come home when she feels better. I understand you want to rejoice with her.These places have father hours. I am sure your not with your wife 24/7 on every day basis. Having a baby is a stressful time for the whole family and also a rejoiceful time.But mommy MUST have her rest.
Icacismna .If you would rather have her go to her mothers house thats up to you.The point is SHE MUST HAVE REST…
Blazes, Syag, you’re still on the warpath even on any silly discussion? Fwiw, no one in my family ever used a Kimpeturin.
But to lower your blood pressure levels, please review the following thread:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-get-rid-of-a-grudge
absan – I think you missed something here. I’m the one who gave birth, not my wife. It’s very nice that you believe that this is the way to bond and give a mother rest, not everyone agrees with this idea and I know many of us who would be devastated at the idea of being separated from our families at that time. I think that if you really are a councelor of some sort, it is imperative you do not push your view of “recovery” on others who may feel very uneasy with it. If you want to forgo the life lesson, all the power to you, but many find peace and restfulness closer to home.
If I may say , I never went to a kimputurin home or gave away any of my kids after childbirth. ( Which was many times Baruch Hashem)
BUT today we are living in a different generation! Many things have changed, not only this. Yes, I truly believe everyone deserves to get away and be wined and dined after a childbirth. I try my best to make sure all my children, daughters and daughter in laws get that opportunity! The main thing is everyone needs to be honest with themselves and do what is good for “THEM”. No need to put someone down or look down upon someone who doesn’t share your views.
well said, well said
Syag, I think absan is from EY, which is where I live. It is very, very common for women to go to what we call Beit Hachlama for a couple of days. I really enjoyed those times, not in the hospital anymore but there is plenty of good, healthy food, which I did not have to prepare,that helps restore a new mother’s strength, as well as extra hands available for her baby so that she can really focus on herself. I remember being able to soak in a bath after delivering an almost 11 pound baby naturally (with epidural but lots and lots of stitches, ouch!) for as long as I felt it was helping me, without anyone knocking on the door needing his/her pajamas or anything else. I never went until my 4th child as I had no coverage on my health plan until that point, but my daughter, who just delivered her first, has coverage from birth #1, so she went for 3 nights. She was able to speak to other women, get tidbits of advice from them, get help from a lactation consultant if she wanted, rest when she was not feeding the baby or herself, and this was in an environment where she came back to my house for a few good weeks until she was able to manage more or less with the new baby. A lot of women who have boys choose to go right after the bris so that the nursing staff can keep an eye on things.
It is different in America, but I can tell you that without a lot of family support over there, it is definitely more challenging coming home after birth. I had my first 3 over there and my 3rd was actually a surprise C-section. B”H all went well, but I came home after 4 days in the hospital and found myself standing in my kitchen preparing dinner for my husband and two children because my family had forgotten to ask for any community help with meals for us. Not fun at all.
I think it is all a matter of where you are coming from (literally in this case) and no one should judge how one population handles women after birth versus another, like a mamim said.
We’ve done both versions. And the nicest was when Mommy AND DAUGHTER both kimped out by us (week apart)!!
Nechomah – I hear you, and I am happy you had that opportunity regardless of how I feel about it. That was actually my point, as well as a mamin’s, that we should be allowed to do what is best for us, not what other’s believe is best for us.
and as an aside, I got the impression absan was from an american chassidish community, not from israel, but the point you make still stands.
“and found myself standing in my kitchen preparing dinner for my husband and two children “
I’m having trouble with this line. Even if the community didn’t get called, and assuming your husband would have cooked if he could, there’s always cereal and milk or sandwiches. I think we have to be careful not to “find ourselves” in unhealthy situations unless it is unpreventable.
(this is not a personal comment TO you, it is a thought brought on by those words)
I should not have read this chat my eyes are burning I don’t wanna hear any of ur birthing stories or stitches …….please…..
I am from America and from a heimisha neighberhood and if you read my post I stress Mothers must have rest regardless were ,if you managed with
out going kol kavod you must be very strong. Most mothers are not and because I do counseling I guess I know the results .I have to many cleints after having babies are on the verge…simply from lack of rest sleepless nights and overworked .It makes a BIG difference if they had a good rested kimpurt or you find yourself cooking supper 3 days after giving birth..
Its not the kimpert heim that I meant but yes it is a great place .
Actually my wife came home to her house and her bed after each birth. This way she was home to be there when our other children came home from school and to direct me what needed to be done around the house. She also did not want to go to her mothers house. And yes these were her decisions.
I don’t think i am so strong, i just think that there are different types of people.
I have to many cleints after having babies are on the verge…simply from lack of rest sleepless nights and overworked
I’m sorry. i have to question them being on the verge “simply” from anything. Having a baby is draining, exhausting, emotional etc but it takes some serious systemic problems to put a mom “on the verge”. Maybe there are some family dynamics that can be adjusted to make her life better long term.
If someone WANTS to go away to rest up a bit, as LF mentioned, that’s great. So be it. But if someone needs to get away for 3 days so they don’t have a breakdown, and going home means the one’s who would have helped her get away are no longer available to pitch in then it isn’t about them not being “strong”.
And yet you still ignored my point: what if they cannot afford it?
“and to direct me what needed to be done around the house”
Good for you, tizke l’mitzvos!
Syag, I think Joseph was actually being chivalrous even though he claims not to believe in the concept.
iacismma.There are some org.that sponsor for a short while. there are org.that sponsor suppers and overnight nurses to.
absan: Had you stated that in your original post I probably would not have asked the question. Since you do counseling it seems to me that you do don’t want to add an extra financial burden on one that can’t afford the “kimputar heim”. B”H I live in a neighborhood where people will help with making dinners or I myself cooked for the family. Most of my children were bottle fed so I took care of the nighttime feedings…and yes I slept like a baby…up every three hours and very cranky.
ia. I would love to help you but I am not sure what you are trying to tell me.Are you the kimputarin and you wake up every three hours cranky is that the point?
absan: I was saying that when my wife gave birth, we bottle fed and the nighttime hours (10:00 PM – 6:00 AM) were mine to take care of the newborn while my wife slept. There is an old joke about fathers sleeping like babies…..up every three hours and very cranky. It has been a while since we had our youngest child.
As I said my wife made her own decision as to where to go from the hospital. She did not want to go to her parents (even with our bechor). She felt that being home was the best thing for her.
ia.got it.Borich Hashem you have no problems.Glad to hear that.You seem to be a careing husband …..beautiful…
absan, if you could add a space after each period (.) it would be very helpful. Thanks.
try to. thanks for bringing it to my att.
Whoa, this thread went off topic. C’mon folks, it’s not just the newly delivered mothers who need help. Let’s bump this up and try again.
what about tips to help stressed out college students?
SParkly Just remind yourself for what purpose you are taking this course that should give you all the strength .I am deeply impressed.
College students? Get enough sleep. Don’t cram the night before an exam; pace yourself in studying throughout the term.
absan – thank you. you would be MUCH more impressed by the way i use to be before i became mo. but once i left high school and went to a not jewish college my life changed dramatically and whenever i try becoming more religious someone ALWAYS has to ruin it. so i gave up. and ill just marry a guy who more mo or the type of guy i was talking about who doesnt talk to girls and so on if thats the best i can get not saying his not a good boy but his leaning on the mo side.
When I was a child and my mother gave birth she did not go to a kimpeturin heim but I did go to a relatives home. I wasn’t told that my mother needs a break from me. I was told that mothers and new babies need quiet. I visited my mother daily for about an hour or so (that’s about how long I was able to stay quiet) and then went back to my relatives house where I was able to play as usual. I loved that time. It felt like a sleepover for two weeks straight! The only time I was upset was when I was expecting to come home for Shabbos and in the end was unable to (long story).
sparkly thats painful. Who in your life has that much power to ruin you, from becoming more religious if thats your’e decision. Maybe you need to build your inner strength to ignore them and do what’s best for you. Stick up for your beleifs, for yourself after all it’s your life…
“whenever i try becoming more religious someone ALWAYS has to ruin it”
Other people, always ruining everything. Wouldn’t it be great if it were just you (and your husband) in this world?
meno soarkly is single.
absan,
I’ve gathered that from the few clues she’s given. I meant her future husband.
SL -“absan – perhaps you grew up accustomed to the idea so it sounds appropriate, I personally think your children do not need to be told you need a break from them. There are many appropriate ways to give a new mother the rest she needs without removing her from her home. I did it nine times, Baruch Hashem, and believe I am entitled to my view point. I am also entitled to my viewpoint that your being accustomed to the idea does not make it a good one.”
This is the first time ever that I think that I agree with your post!
My ex-wife never went to a nursing home! Btw, that’s why old age homes are called nursing homes!
But then again you posted that my previous life was all my fabrication! Oh Well!
Please don’t rehash the kimeturin debate again.
Sparkly: Aw, I’m so sorry to hear that people give you grief over your choices. Keep focusing on what Hashem wants from you. Eyes on the prize, my dear.
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