August 23, 2011 2:02 pm at 2:02 pm #598850
I am a single girl from out of town and recently got my masters degree. I am debating moving to NY or not. I can make more money in NY and I won’t have to pay to fly in for dates but I’ll be paying for food and rent and in NY so I think financially it will be the same. People always say move to NY and you’ll get more dates, but I have a few friends who did and they say its not neccessarily true. However there is the whole thing of “meshana makom mishana mazel.” I’ve been out of sem a few years already and most my frieds are already married. I have a few friends in my hometown and a few in NY but I imagine there is more opportunity to meet girls in NY However, I won’t be living at home with my sibilings and I’m sure apartments can get pretty lonely sometimes. Any pearls of wisdom from girls that made the move or anyone in general?August 23, 2011 2:38 pm at 2:38 pm #801865MichaelCMember
Shinue Makov, Shinue Mazel-a change in place causes a change in Mazal, as we see Avrahom Avinus and Sarah had a child when they left there place (Talmud Rosh Hashona)
I have a friend who move to another city and is now engaged.August 23, 2011 2:42 pm at 2:42 pm #801866TheGoqParticipant
I’m not a girl but i think leaving home can be a growth experience one day I”yh you will marry and move with your husband probably to a new place, this will help you feel independent and you will learn coping skills it’s not an easy road you will miss your family but in leaving you may gain an inner strength you didn’t know you had i wish u much hatzlacha on whatever you decide.August 23, 2011 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #801867happy faceMember
Your Bashert will come in the right time,where ever you are!! Emunah and Bitochon????? Also, what makes you think you will get a good job in NY??? Unemployment in NY is high! The flying will likely cost u the same since you will probably want to visit your family.August 23, 2011 3:35 pm at 3:35 pm #801868WIYMember
Rent an apartment with a group of girls. There are many girls that rent apartments together and that way you have people to talk to and you can make friends.August 23, 2011 4:15 pm at 4:15 pm #801869
yes the market is bad everywhere but it is better in NY than where I am from. As far as shidduchim is it true or a myth that being in town helps?August 23, 2011 4:19 pm at 4:19 pm #801870HachamMember
Of course shidduchim are more numerous in NY.August 23, 2011 4:30 pm at 4:30 pm #801871mikehall12382Member
just curious where are you fromAugust 23, 2011 4:32 pm at 4:32 pm #801872aries2756Participant
NY is flooded with girls looking for shidduchim and probably jobs. Those who have jobs are disappointed that they are not getting paid what they thought they would. The girls who moved to the upper West Side (the in thing to do) are having a great time living on their own and making friends but they aren’t really moving as far as the shidduch scene is concerned.
My advice to you is find a job first that pays nicely. Then look for an apartment NOT in the city. Look for an apartment in a Frum neighborhood in Brooklyn or Queens where you can get to know the people, the Rabbonim, the neighbors and let them get to know you so you have a network of people that will look out for your best interest and have you in mind in regard to shidduchim. They will recommend you and they will be your references. Hatzlocha.August 23, 2011 4:41 pm at 4:41 pm #801873
I would move to Flatbush not the city. Any girls out there that made the move?August 23, 2011 4:43 pm at 4:43 pm #801874
yea where r u from? bec if its new jersey i know plenty of girls who got engaged there. and same goes for baltimore.August 23, 2011 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #801875TheGoqParticipant
new jersey is considered oot, really?August 23, 2011 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #801876
Im from the midwest. Pretty much my whole class from high school is married and the vast majority stayed home so I don’t so much buy the move to NY is the answer to shidduchim. Socially though its probably better off in NY as I mentioned most my class is married.August 23, 2011 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #801877
of course it is. it’s at least 2 hours from brooklyn and very oot mentalityAugust 23, 2011 5:27 pm at 5:27 pm #801878
at least 2 hrs from ny – really? Its a lot further than that. And what does oot mentality have anything to do with anything?August 23, 2011 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #801879ZeesKiteParticipant
WE ALL MOVED (in NYC)!!!August 23, 2011 7:06 pm at 7:06 pm #801880
you’re probably right collegegrad i’ve only ventured out there once (to lakewood) and it took me almost three hours. and i was mentioning the mentality bec the goq seems to think new jersey is in town so i was explaining to him y it wasn’t. i actualy consider places in new york out of town too. like those random places in long island that no one’s heard of.. and upstate new york..August 23, 2011 7:24 pm at 7:24 pm #801881
Ootinny you make me laugh. I can tell you are from NY. You gotta learn your georgraphy. lakewood is not the midwest The midwest is Ohio, Illonis, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Missori that area.August 23, 2011 7:32 pm at 7:32 pm #801882
I moved to NY (from further away than the mid-west, but that’s another story) and I would like to dispel some myths about moving to NY as a single:
1) It takes a VERY long time (think at least a couple of years) to get settled, get to know some families in the area and get to know enough shadchanim well enough that you have a network of people to suggest shidduchim/be references/check potential dates out for you on a regular basis.
2) Yes, you may have more dates if you live in NY, but while I’ve found that the quantity of my dates may have increased, the quality definitely has not. On the other hand, being here does make the actual dating much easier as you don’t have the pressure of whether or not to fly (or make the other person fly) each time you decide whether to go out again- it’s one factor (and stress) less that you have to deal with.
3) Living here as a single can be (esp in the beginning) horribly lonely- even if you come and live near a family that you know or relatives. If you decide to come, make sure you have some families that you are comfortable spending time with and some single friends who will introduce you to their friends/families etc. Times like Purim, Chanuka, Erev Y’K, Erev Tisha B’av can be especially bad as people don’t really think to invite singles and it’s when you miss being a part of a family most. Moving away from your family is a BIG adjustment- moving to a new city is also a BIG adjustment- doing those two at the same time is not easy…
There are many singles in the NY area, but most of them work or are in school and don’t really have that much time to hang out.
Don’t get me wrong, I see my friends and we get together for nights out, shiurim or just for a walk or a shmooze- but it’s not the same as living with your family.
On the flip-side, there are many many singles (unfortunately) living here and there is much more potential to meet new people and make new friends and network and yes, every so often- have a really good ole’ time with them!
BTW- just my thoughts on the posts about having Emunah and Bitachon- My move here had little to do with that, on the contrary, I decided to move here because I fully believe that HaShem is fully capable of sending me my spouse wherever I am in the world. So I decided that if He has decided that I’m gonna be single for a while, I might as well enjoy it- so I moved to NY as I figured that is the best place to be single!
Re: OOT vs in NY- I don’t think it makes a difference which community you live in as long as you are in the tri-state area- they all have their pro’s and con’s.
Just my two cents 😉
Good luck with the decision!August 25, 2011 1:14 am at 1:14 am #801883
begood thanks for your post. I think I’m probably going to move to Flatbush. It just seems like the next step to do in life. I really hope I meet some nice girls right away. A friend of mine roommate is getting married in a month and my friend really wants me to move in so that takes care of having a friend close by and finding an apartment!August 25, 2011 1:43 am at 1:43 am #801884yitayningwutParticipant
From Brooklyn to Lakewood took you three hours? You took local roads or something?August 25, 2011 3:28 am at 3:28 am #801885bein_hasdorimParticipant
Move, get a roomate, It’s cheaper, you wont be lonely,
it’ll prepare you for marriage. If she’s not a great roomate,
kaporas Avonos, will speed up the dating process.
hatzlacha! Welcome to NY!August 25, 2011 4:23 am at 4:23 am #801886
i went with another girl who didn’t know how to go so we used a gps, and between traffic and not knowing the way, it took us three hours. never again. thank G-d my whole family, extended family, and friends live in brooklyn although i know some people in monsey unfortunatelyAugust 25, 2011 2:03 pm at 2:03 pm #801887
I recently drove with my cousins from Brooklyn to Lakewood on a Friday afternoon and we got stuck in crazy traffic in Staten Island and it took close to 3 hours. We took the regular highways no back roads. I got to Lakewood around a half hour before Shabbos!August 25, 2011 3:28 pm at 3:28 pm #801888
that is why collegegrad us brooklyners do not leave brooklyn and e/t is considered out of town. brookyn is the best!!!August 25, 2011 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm #801889☕️coffee addictParticipant
what is your master’s in
BTW i would advise not moving so fast to NY (at least not until you get a job)August 25, 2011 7:43 pm at 7:43 pm #801890
I got a masters in accounting. I know finding a job may not be so easy but there is better market in NY than where I am from.August 25, 2011 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm #801891
sounds like you really live in a caveAugust 25, 2011 7:54 pm at 7:54 pm #801892
what does what her masters degree is in have to with ANYTHING???August 25, 2011 7:57 pm at 7:57 pm #801893
Collegegrad: No Prob-happy to help.
Piece of advice: (this may seem counter-intuitive) Don’t room with a friend. Rooming together if you have never done that with this friend, will put a strain on your friendship. I’ve seen many friendships fall apart after the two friends roomed together.
Better would be to find an apt close by this friends apt so that you can go over and visit often. That will also (possibly) broaden your circles a bit as you will have your own roommates that you may become friendly with.
Good luck with the move- you are welcome to contact me (not sure how that works with giving contact details on the CR) so I can try and help out with apt’s, and other contacts etc.August 25, 2011 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm #801894
my best friends are from my dorm life!!!August 25, 2011 8:22 pm at 8:22 pm #801895
Adorable: That’s bc you started out as roommates and then became friends- it doesn’t always work the other way around…August 25, 2011 8:23 pm at 8:23 pm #801896
i hear that. u have a good point.August 25, 2011 8:29 pm at 8:29 pm #801897
I’ve heard of too many horror stories of girls rooming with strangers. I hear what you are saying about not sharing an apt with a friend but I would faster take a friend than a stranger.
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