To whom is it proper to text to?

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  • #594640
    real-brisker
    Member

    Who would you not send a sms text message? For example I don’t think it’s bakovodik to send a text message to a Rov, Rosh Hayeshiva, Menahel… Unless they would advise me otherwise. Whats your thoughts?

    #734870
    eclipse
    Member

    Someone (male) used to text me just technical stuff…after a while he got way too comfortable….I had to put an end to it altogether.My advice:Keep it technical or don’t start.

    #734871
    real-brisker
    Member

    eclipse – Thats another issue, I would say with that the rule would be whoever you would call, and talk, you can text.

    #734872
    eclipse
    Member

    I know you meant is it disrespectful:It isn’t if the person in question doesn’t mind.But sometimes barriers fall away,and any 2 people have to be careful.Sorry I didn’t explain myself too well.

    #734873
    jewish source
    Participant

    how do you stop text from a person that is really bothering you to the core

    #734874
    Nonsense
    Member

    I know from first hand experience, texting can be far worse than unfiltered internet. Whereas the internet exposes one (mostly males) to undesirable sites, texting while at the beginning may be OK is one on one LIVE. It is also a impulse of both genders. It starts out innocent enough and… far worse than what internet could have effected.

    #734875
    A23
    Participant

    Jewish source, I believe all of the phone companies can block texts from specific numbers if you ask them to.

    #734876
    real-brisker
    Member

    eclipse – 🙂

    #734877

    jewish source: call your phone company.

    #734878
    aries2756
    Participant

    Years ago, a group of young girls I was mentoring were going to shiurim from a young Rabbi that was also mentoring these girls. When I found out they were texting each other I strongly suggested that they stop. I very firmly pointed out to these girls that it was inappropriate. That he was a young married man and that it was extremely disrespectful to his WIFE to do so, even if HE himself didn’t realize it. I then encouraged them to choose a different Rabbi that was older than he was because I felt he was too young and inexperienced and would wind up in conflict with his wife. I told the girls that although he had very good intentions that since he was so young, he should mentor boys and not girls.

    #734880
    elik
    Participant

    I am close to two prominent rabbis in the community and they BOTH ENCOURAGE me to text them…They say its easier for them.. however you should get permission first!

    #734881
    showerzinger
    Member

    Yochie- Anything you can txt/can be causeed by txting can be done/achieved through NUMEROUS online chatting sites etc. PLUS with the other dangers of unfiltered internet, I don’t understand your statement whatsoever.

    #734882
    Ken Zayn
    Member

    This is exactly why rabonim is israel have banned texts. Its because there’s been too many cases there between not only yeshiva bochurim and seminary girls but also r”l between married men and married women. Experience has unfortunately shown time after time that there are things that would never be spoken in our circles between the 2 genders, but that inhibition is much less prevalent by texting, and terrible situations follow too quickly. Also texting is much more discreet and can take place in a room full of ppl with noone able to overhear and follow the conversation

    #734883
    eclipse
    Member

    The difference is that texting SEEMS more kosher in the first place.

    The person I was referring to was a “respectable” person who didn’t realize the change himself;I had to point it out and say:no more.

    #734884
    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    My sister texted her principal for a very specific school related issue and i thought it was a bit weird but i didn’t comment.

    #734885
    real-brisker
    Member

    elik – Kol Hakovod if he told you to. The question is where to draw the line, which people should you have to get permission first?

    #734886
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Whoever it is proper to talk to.

    #734887
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Rav Shlomo Aviner, of Yeshiva Ateres Yerushalayim, routinely publishes Shu”T that he receives and answers by SMS.

    http://www.ravaviner.com/search/label/Text%20Message%20Responsa

    The Wolf

    #734888
    Nonsense
    Member

    showerzinger:

    OK, any means of direct communication. About understanding my statement – become a bit educated. Some posts here specifically spell it out.

    #734889
    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    Wolf- That’s great but that is only the good side. the internet has lots of Torah on it yet I still would not recommend it.

    ^MONIS^

    #734890
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    the internet has lots of Torah on it yet I still would not recommend it.

    And yet, here you are…

    The Wolf

    #734891
    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    Wolf- Yes and I probably shouldn’t be maybe this is one of my challenges in life. Sorry if I was too critical I had no Bad intentions.

    ^MONIS^

    #734892
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Sorry if I was too critical

    No need to apologize. Never apologize for civil disagreement. I don’t get offended if you disagree with me, as long as it’s done politely and civilly.

    I had no Bad intentions.

    I didn’t think you had any. 🙂

    The Wolf

    #734893
    mytake
    Member

    Anyone wants to compare and contrast the big bad chat rooms and the coffee room?

    #734894
    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    Wolf- Thanks now I feel complemented!

    ^MONIS^

    #734895
    real-brisker
    Member

    apy – You mean you would text your Rov?

    #734896
    apushatayid
    Participant

    RB. If he had a plan that included texting and he didnt mind, I would. I wouldnt send him a text about some narishkeit (I wouldnt call him about that either).

    There is a Rav in my neighborhood who encourages people to text him, he says it is easier for him.

    #734897
    apushatayid
    Participant

    mytake. if the CR contained the dynamics of the old chat rooms, the CR would be WAAAYY different.

    #734898
    deiyezooger
    Member

    texting is fun…..for the right people. i think nothing is wrong with it.sorry thats my opioion.

    #734899
    TheGoq
    Participant

    ok ill be the one to ask onegoal, what is this monis business?

    #734900
    real-brisker
    Member

    apy – “If he didnt mind”

    #734901
    apushatayid
    Participant

    RB. If you dont mind. Are you asking something? Explaining something? Disagreeing with something?

    #734902
    Sister Bear
    Member

    It depends on each person separately. There are certain people who it wouldn’t even cross your mind to text them because they don’t give off that air and then there are others that you totally could.

    If you aren’t sure if you can text them, ask them!

    #734903
    real-brisker
    Member

    apy – I was quoting your words in the previous post. That you would ONLY text your Rov if you would know that he wouldnt mind. Correct?

    #734904
    apushatayid
    Participant

    I figured that out. The question is, why.

    #734905
    aries2756
    Participant

    Here is another situation, a young girl I was mentoring was dating a guy and dropped the shadchan too soon and they starting texting. I told her it was a mistake and they were becoming tooooooooo friendly which was taking them down a few madreigas from real courtship to friendship. I told her to be careful because they were getting too comfortable and that would become a problem. In the end it fizzled out because although she viewed him as her future spouse, he wound up viewing her as another “pal”.

    This happened to a second young woman I know. Texting during the dating process is destructive to the end result.

    #734906
    eclipse
    Member

    Money with a French accent,silent “s”?

    #734907
    real-brisker
    Member

    apy – Why what?

    #734908
    kapusta
    Participant

    I think its ok to text someone you speak with on a regular basis. Family, friends, co-workers etc. Authority figures should get a phone call, (unless told otherwise). They are different than a friend and should be treated differently than a friend. I will add to what aries said that couples should not text while dating or even during an engagement (but thats a separate discussion). Men and women (married or single) should not be texting each other for social (or even for business. Thats a very easy way to get into social texting.)

    *kapusta*

    #734909

    yochie you are so wrong

    i know rabbeim that like being texted so that they can respond without having to be on the phone because they are constantly on the phone otherwise

    #734910
    Nonsense
    Member

    CIL:

    I’m so wrong – what part?

    Is it the part that I attested (first hand) of one man who got mired deeply in with a married…

    #734911
    candy613
    Member

    i feel sometimes it is better to text even ppl in authority if you have permission only!!!! Sometimes people aren’t available to talk and if you have a quick question you can just text quickly its much better. Also it is easier at times to text someone if you aren’t in the mood to talk about it and it can be worked out that way instead. But i do agree texting can really ruin things at times and can cause some ill feelings!

    #734912
    tzippi
    Member

    The “whom”‘s impressive but one, or possibly both, of those tos is superfluous.

    #734913

    Thank you, tzippi.

    #734914
    aries2756
    Participant

    Bottom line as always is to USE COMMON SENSE!

    #734915
    peselmalka
    Member

    Texting has gotten totally out of hand, especially by the teenagers!! Proceed with caution please!!!

    #734916
    real-brisker
    Member

    pessl – Please explain why its out of hand-

    #734917
    peselmalka
    Member

    Just like other writers have said, you get very comfortable with writing things you would never say to the person to their face!! Like in the Coffee Room!!

    #734919
    real-brisker
    Member

    Pesel – Why only amongst teenagers?

    #734920
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Since we are asking why. May ask I ask again, why were you quoting me my own words? Are you trying to elicit a response from me for something?

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