January 22, 2013 4:33 pm at 4:33 pm #607895agoodbygirlParticipant
Hi! Im hoping you can help me this- My mother believes I should go out with every guy suggested to me. I don’t feel this is appropriate- Its not necessary to go out with every Tom, or Harry if the suggestion is totally off the mark. My mother feels I am not doing proper hishtadlus. What do you think?January 22, 2013 4:46 pm at 4:46 pm #922183hardatworkMember
I totally agree with you. Its not tznuis to just ‘go out’ for the sake of going out. If you think its a shidduch and you might get married then its OK. Otherwise, it’s totally not appropriate. Really the entire dating situation is not appropriate. Young girls going out with young men…not such a kosher situation. If your mother wants to you to go out with every boy, maybe let her come along so its still OK, and there are no shailos. Better yet, maybe have a date in your house so you are OK with it. You sound like a wonderful Bais Yaakov girl. You should not be going out with just anyone. Good luck.January 22, 2013 4:50 pm at 4:50 pm #922184
the mother is always right
anyway it’ll be good practiceJanuary 22, 2013 4:51 pm at 4:51 pm #922185susheeMember
For girls dating is FREE. It’s the guys paying for it.
So why not get a FREE meal out at a nice restaurant.
Nothing to lose except a couple hours of enjoyment.January 22, 2013 5:20 pm at 5:20 pm #922186boredsoulsParticipant
If a guy says yes to you definitely go out! I could hear if a guy says no to girls because they have lists and lists of girls waiting to go outwith them! But girls have much more limited options! Also in the worst case you go out with this guy and never see him again! And you never know u might just go out with a guy that you wuld have said no to and end up marrying!!!!!January 22, 2013 6:33 pm at 6:33 pm #922187Torah613TorahParticipant
Yes, you can definitely go on too many dates if you’re referring to first dates. It can drain you and make it hard to develop connection.
I try to space dates, when possible.January 22, 2013 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #922188ShiraTobalaMember
You should go out with all of them.January 22, 2013 7:02 pm at 7:02 pm #922189yentapeshaMember
Chas v’shalom! WHy would one want to open there minds to boys, the less you see the better. Its mamish bittul torah on the boys side & shows disrespect & lack of chashivus hatorah for a girl to take a boy on a ride, having them date with no purpose behind it.January 22, 2013 7:10 pm at 7:10 pm #922190January 22, 2013 7:12 pm at 7:12 pm #922191
and this is clearly an issue of kibud av v’em, she must listen to her mother and go out!! its one of the aseres hadibros, this is big stuff!!January 22, 2013 7:12 pm at 7:12 pm #922192hardatworkMember
Couldn’t of said it better yentapesha! Where has this generations Chashivas HaTorah gone? To pull a boy out of yeshiva for what? To go out with no purpose. Never mind all the other things…January 22, 2013 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #922193agoodbygirlParticipant
Thank you yentapesha thats what I was trying to explain to my mother- I didn’t think it was appropriate. Thats why I posted the question to see if anyone had my thoughts, too.January 22, 2013 7:30 pm at 7:30 pm #922194ThePurpleOneMember
umm totally not a good idea cuz a lot of girls get burnt out from dating.. tell ur mother to ask ur rav cuz its an imp question and needs daas torahJanuary 22, 2013 7:33 pm at 7:33 pm #922195oomisParticipant
Even if the boy is not right for you, maybe his BROTHER or cousin, or best friend IS. The difficulty is in causing the guy to spend money for no tachlis, if you know he is not right for you. So in such a case, suggest a less expensive option (walk in the park, coffee, even a slice of pizza, if you are hungry). It doesn’t have to be a fancy dinner out.January 22, 2013 7:44 pm at 7:44 pm #922197
i really think it comes down to how old you are and how many boys actually get suggested to you. in a different post i wrote that a very prominent rav told me to date as much as possible. even if it wasnt the most shayach shidduch. maybe because i was a shy out of towner living in ny (shy around boys not necessarily personality) i got maybe 2 or 3 names a year. i wasnt a good dater and he probably wanted me to get experience. if you are part of the “younger” population and getting suggestions, its probably best to stand your ground and only date boys you feel are the most shayach for you. if you are old enough to date you are old enough to make your own decisions on how you want to do so. however, if you are part of the older crowd (24 or so and up) then its probably better to listen to your mother and date as much as possible. That being said, NEVER go into a date feeling in advance this is a waste of my time. it will cloud your judgement and keep you from being objective. if you know you dont want a particular something or someone, dont bother. your mother is not dating the boy, YOU are. if your still unsure what to do, ask your rav becuase here your only gonna get a bunch of mixed opinions and possibly get more confused! good luck!January 22, 2013 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm #922198
NEVER go into a date feeling in advance this is a waste of my time.
in all seriousness, i disagree with this comment, sometimes we are very wrong and can be pleasantly surprised, often its just nervousness that makes us feel this wayJanuary 22, 2013 8:28 pm at 8:28 pm #922199
your right perhaps “never” is too strong of a word. what i mean to say is one should not go into a date with the preconceived notion this is a waste why am i here. the guy will pick up on that negative vibe and thats not fare to him. he deserves a fare shot and if the girl knows shes not interested she shouldnt fake it and go out anyway based on the highly slim chance she might be pleasently surprised. if her gut instinct is saying this is not gonna work before even trying, it usually is correct. if she doesnt know or feels neutral before going into the date, thats a different story. because besides enjoying a free meal or free date, its genaivas daasJanuary 22, 2013 8:33 pm at 8:33 pm #922200
your welcome to disagree. your right perhaps “never” is too strong of a word. what i mean to say is one should not go into a date with the preconceived notion this is a waste why am i here. the guy will pick up on that negative vibe and thats not fare to him. he deserves a fare shot and if the girl knows shes not interested she shouldnt fake it and go out anyway based on the highly slim chance she might be pleasently surprised. if her gut instinct is saying this is not gonna work before even trying, it usually is correct. if she doesnt know thats a different story. becuase besides enjoying a free meal or some sort of activity that involves the boy to spend money, its genaivas daasJanuary 22, 2013 8:50 pm at 8:50 pm #922201N.GMember
If You really KNOW the man is not for you, don’t go out.If you need to think if the man is for you, go out.January 22, 2013 8:59 pm at 8:59 pm #922202
oops sorry for double post! 🙂January 22, 2013 9:42 pm at 9:42 pm #922203yentapeshaMember
If You really KNOW the man is not for you…
If one would know the man is not for them then obviously they would not be going out, the problem is when one is stuck in between those to stages. They have a slight chashas but nevertheless only tune in to there true binah yeseirah. Men, unfourtanetly have this problem since they lack this chachma.January 22, 2013 9:43 pm at 9:43 pm #922204Ken ZaynMember
Too Many Dates??
I thought this would be a thread on how to avoid having a bad stomach after tu bishvat… :))January 22, 2013 9:50 pm at 9:50 pm #922205ShiraTobalaMember
You should go out with all of them. You need to marry the right person for you. Don’t get married just to get married. First findthe person thatyoulikeandthatlikesyou and then get married… There’s scary stories about people who just want out with 1 person and got married to them just to get married…January 22, 2013 10:01 pm at 10:01 pm #922206N.GMember
yentapesha-In this thread we are talking about every guy suggested she should go out.
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