December 19, 2010 11:13 pm at 11:13 pm #593594memoMember
From my experience no one wants to settle–we all want prince charming..but u kinda have to compromise…what should you look away and compromise for…and whats a uncompromisable issue! (ex. lets say you don’t 100% love his family situation,looks,profession/or lack there of! like if a guy is great you click,but 1 or 2 things turn you off when you talk about certain things…what should you be careful not to compromise on!!!!December 20, 2010 1:43 am at 1:43 am #718703aries2756Participant
Hashkafa is the number one thing you should not compromise on. Moral values is number 2. If you truly in your heart want a “learning boy” then that should be another or if you really want your husband to support you, then don’t let anyone talk you into going out with a learning boy. Other than that their has to be a physical attraction and no personality clash. You can’t change a person from the inside out, but there are a lot of things you can do from the outside in.December 20, 2010 5:28 am at 5:28 am #718704williMember
For every person, priorities differ. But I agree that there has to be chemistry and basic compatability personality-wise. From there everyone “looks away” at something else.December 20, 2010 7:33 am at 7:33 am #718705cshapiroMember
I date only gorgeous, rich football players, but sometimes I’ll compromise and go out with their scrawny little brothers…December 20, 2010 7:54 am at 7:54 am #718706sof davar hakol nishmaMember
Yiras shamayim and middos should never be compromised.
I know someone who was looking for shtarka learner. She came from a difficult background which made shidduchim A LOT more harder. When she got a little older (no not 20/21… more like 25-28) she was redt to a very good boy, middos, yiras shamayim who wasn’t planning on long-term learning. It was a hard pill to swallow, but she is happily married now with a few kids.
The opening of the thread was something to the effect of marrying prince charming. Well EVERYONE’s gotta settle if they think anyone in this world is perfect. It doesn’t exist.December 20, 2010 11:21 am at 11:21 am #718707eclipseMember
Charming very quickly turns sour without midos and yiras shomayim.December 20, 2010 4:06 pm at 4:06 pm #718708aries2756Participant
You have to understand something. Everyone marries THEIR prince charming. It might not seem like Prince Charming to someone else but to the one he marries, he is IT and then some!
Take a walk outside and see who Hashem puts together. You will have to agree with me that Hashem has a very interesting sense of humor. In many, many cases you would never have thought of putting most of those couples together just on appearances alone. So that just goes to prove that appearances is not the number one priority!
So what is really important? You have to do a real din v’chesbon here and check your own needs and values, and that is what you don’t compromise on. If you are just starting out and you really want to be a Kollel wife/man, you will not be happy if that need isn’t met. On the flip side, if you really want your husband to support you, you will resent having to work and support a learning boy. If you are older in shiduchim, your needs change and you can compromise your earlier wants. But the basic values stay the same.
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